Buffy The Vampire Slayer

JENNY, ENCOUNTERED AFTER EXPERIENCING A BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SING-ALONG AT THE COOLIDGE CORNER THEATRE. THURSDAY, 4.27

What’d you think of the sing-along?

Loved it. It’s my second time.

How did this compare to the first time?

Well, I was expecting a lot of the shout-outs. So it was a little bit of a letdown. Nobody came up with anything besides, "Willow, you’re a giant lesbian," "Make out!" and "Spike, I want you to bite me."

Why’s everybody always ranking on Dawn, Buffy’s spunky kid sister?

Because Dawn is a whiny brat. She’s a klepto, and she makes crappy Disney movies. Except for those really cool Candie’s ads she’s now in, with Hilary Duff. Those are the pinnacle of her acting career so far.

Hey! I like Dawn.

Really? Sorry.

How much would it suck if that Broadway demon who forces everyone to sing and dance was unleashed on Boston?

That would really, really suck. Mostly because Bostonians have nothing happy to sing about. So it’d be a lot of grumbling, slow songs in which they bitch about how shitty the weather is. So I wouldn’t look forward to that.

So I understand you own all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD?

I do, my friend. I love it. I say that Buffy saved my life, and I totally mean it.

Saved your life from what?

Sadness and depression.

What about vampires?

No. Once I heard Buffy’s story, I felt like I was not alone. I think I speak for many fans.

Yeah, the last guy I interviewed said more or less the same thing. Weird.

See? We’re all sad like that.

When they had everyone vote for a second episode to show, which did you vote for, and why?

“Doppelgangland.” Willow’s a total hot lesbian. So that’s really fun.

Do you think she should’ve turned evil in every episode?

Yes. We could have Willow in leather in every episode. That would’ve been key.