Alyson Hannigan

From two of the six writers of “Scary Movie” to nine out of 10 moviegoers left disappointed, “Date Movie” was much hyped as a “laugh out loud until you cry” side-splitter. It split my sides, but only because I suffered physical injury as I was fighting the hordes of people rushing to get out of the theater.

In this spoof of romantic comedies, “Date Movie” presents us with Julia Jones, the down on her luck protagonist who has grown to massive proportions due to a loveless era of her life. Think Bridget Jones, only larger, and much less witty. Alyson Hannigan as Julia Jones plays it so awkward that one wonders if it’s really much of a stretch for her to act this part out. Regardless of underwhelming performances, the plot, or lack thereof, does nothing to help any chance at credibility.

Julia goes through an intense transformation, with the sadly unfunny help of the “Pimp My Ride” crew, to become a knockout and win the heart of the man of her dreams. Along the way, she meets a cast of look-alike characters that avid movie watchers would recognize from recent romantic comedies: Hitch, Napoleon Dynamite, The Wedding Planner, Meet the Fockers, etc...Herein lies the problem. If you haven’t seen any of the aforementioned films, then you are left clueless and speechless, not knowing when to laugh. No worries though, because the laughs are very few and extremely far between.

If you really were looking forward to seeing this movie, rent the DVD and skip straight to the features. “The Quickie” is “Date Movie” presented in six minutes. You’ll save yourself the trouble of sitting through the entire film.

It’s unclear whether the writers were shooting for an extremely lowbrow film and made it deliberately cheeky, or if they simply missed the boat. Either way, this is one ship you don’t want to board.