Angel

From Spoilerslayer.com :

Episode opens on a hotel suite in London, 1880. Drusilla enters with the recently turned William, who is kissing her hungrily. He asks if this is her home. She indicates the drained couple whose home it had been — whom Angelus drained. William starts to ask who Angelus is and stops as he senses a presence near the bedroom door.

Drusilla is showing off her new creation to Angelus. She asks after Darla, and Angelus informs her that he and Darla had a squabble and she’s off with the Master. He comes closer to study William, who eyes him warily. Drusilla asks if Angelus is angry with her. Angelus grabs William’s wrist and drags it into sunlight where it sizzles. As William struggles to free his hand, Angelus comments about how tedious it is to only have female companions. William frees himself and warns Angelus not to try that again. Angelus muses on what it might be like to have a man to share his vampire fun with, casually cooking his own hand in the sunlight as he speaks He asks William if he thinks that makes him a deviant. Mesmerized, William stretches his own hand into the sunlight in reply. As Drusilla tut-tuts the whole business, Angelus tells William they’re going to be great buddies.

Cut to the present, where Angel and Spike are arguing as usual. Spike wants an office, instead of having to hole up every night in someone else’s digs. Angel tells Spike he’s not an employee— therefore no office. Spike asks why he can’t have Wesley’s office, since the ex-Watcher split. Angel replies that it’s only temporary ; Wes will be back. Spike comments derisively on how Wesley got all upset just because he thought he’d killed his father. Whereas Spike had killed his mother, because she was trying to seduce him. He suddenly realizes that Harmony is listening, and stops abruptly.

Harmony informs him that he has mail. Spike says huh ? Harmony shows him a small package — it’s addressed to Spike, c/o Wolfram & Hart. Spike can’t imagine who would be sending him mail. Harmony tells him the package doesn’t say, and it’s rather heavy, so would he mind taking it ? Spike points out that that’s kind of a problem. Ooops. Harmony offers to open it.

When Harmony opens the package, there’s a bright flash, that quickly disappears. There’s nothing in the package. Harmony and Spike look at each other, puzzled. Then the phone rings. Harmony answers it, but there are only weird electronic noises on the line. Spike shrugs the whole thing off, and heads for Angel’s office, only to crash into the door as he tries to whoosh through it. Now lots of phones are ringing, up and down the hall. Spike is trying to figure out what happened. Angel comes out to see what’s going on, just as Spike realized why he crashed into the door. He’s corporeal again !

Spike rises, touches himself (no, not that way ; no MA ratings here) ; touches the walls ; touches Angel, who immediately protests. Spike is very excited. He can feel things again. He steals Angel’s mug of blood and waxes rapturous over the taste. Gunn shows up to find out what’s happening, and Spike envelops him in an enthused hug, as he tells Gunn that he’s back. Gunn asks Angel how it happened. Angel hasn’t a clue. Spike realizes that the flash from his mysterious package must be responsible.

Meanwhile, the phones are still ringing crazily all over the offices, and now the computers are acting up as well. Harmony is complaining when Spike grabs her for a smooch. She shoves him away. Spike tells Angel he needs to borrow Harmony for awhile. Harmony initially resists the idea, but when Spike compliments her outfit, she informs Angel she’s out to lunch.

Flash back to 1880 again. In a carriage, Angelus and William are laughing hysterically, Angelus having just totally disrupted a wedding by killing the priest and the groom. Very messily. The hapless bride is in the carriage with them, and Angelus offers William a taste, but he defers to Angelus — it’s his prize. Besides, William wants to hook up with Dru. Angelus asks him what he thinks of Drusilla, and William says she made him what he was supposed to be. Like she was his destiny.

Back in the present, Spike and Harmony are making tracks down one of the hallways. Spike informs a young associate named Reese that he’s borrowing his office. When Reese protests, Spike bodily forces him out. Harmony starts to disrobe (and I doubt we’ll get all that far with that, or the warnings will come fast and furious). Complaining, Reese moves down the hall and starts bitching to another W&H employee, named Jerry. Until Jerry turns to him with bloody eyes and starts screaming about how nobody ever replaces the toner. The ranting continues as Jerry beats Reese to death with a fire extinguisher.

Meanwhile, Angel is giving orders for all the electronics to be shut down throughout the building. Gunn is still there with him. Fred shows up — all the equipment in the lab is also going haywire. Angel realizes Spike drank all his blood and calls for Harmony. Gunn reminds him she’s off having sex with Spike. Fred says huh ? Angel tells her Spike is corporeal again. Fred wonders why nobody told her. Angel replies it just happened, and they had their hands full with the electronic emergency — which he suddenly realizes happened to coincide with Spike’s recorporealization. Fred starts speculating on how the two events might be connected. Maybe it’s just a ripple effect, or maybe it’s something more —

Like the end of the world perhaps. Eve shows up and informs them the whole universe is in chaos. The seers alerted her. They’ve got a BIG problem, connected to the shanshu prophecy. The vampire with a soul — champion (there’s that word again) — is supposed to play a major role in the Apocalypse, for good or evil (nobody quite knows which). But the prophecy doesn’t name Angel — and now there are two vampires with souls ; both of whom are champions. Spike qualified when he gave his life to save the world. While he was dead, it didn’t matter, but now that he’s back again, his mere presence is wreaking havoc.

Fred accuses Eve of knowing this the entire time she (Fred) was working on recorporealizing Spike. Eve says she didn’t know and asks how they finally did it. They all look around sheepishly. Angel finally admits that Spike got something in the mail. Same way the amulet arrived in the mail. Fred wonders if the Senior Partners might be responsible. Eve doesn’t know ; all she knows is that the problems with the phones and computers are only a hint of the trouble to come.

Back in Reese’s office, Harmony and Spike are going at it. Harmony suddenly vamps out and bites Spike’s shoulder. Spike yowls and pulls himself free. He asks what’s up with her — sees her bloody eyes and realizes there’s a problem. She accuses him of using her ; says she’s not his. He backs off, agreeing with her, trying to calm her down. She goes for him again, screaming about how he only cares about his precious Slayer, and he knocks her out.

Meanwhile, security guards have strapped down the still freaking Jerry. Lorne, standing nearby, is telling Angel and Eve about how Jerry clocked him as he came upon him making mince meat out of Reese. Another guard informs Angel there are other fatalities, and Angel orders the building sealed until they figure out the problem.

Eve tells him he knows the problem. The world isn’t big enough for him and Spike — it’s unraveling. As she speaks, Spike shows up. He tells Angel what happened with Harmony and that he had to knock her out. Eve repeats that there’s only room for one souled vampire champion in these parts.

Spike says fine — he’ll head off to Europe then. Eve tells him she’s not talking about LA ; she’s talking about the entire world. Spike leaving could make things worse. Gunn shows up, shaken. Seems the White Room is gone, which means no contact with the Senior Partners, and a hefty rip in the universe.

Angel reluctantly asks Spike to stay — Europe will still be there after they’ve solved this problem. Hopefully. Spike asks how they’re supposed to repair a rip in the fabric of the universe. Eve wonders if there’s maybe a way to figure out which of them the Shanshu prophecy is about. Angel grumbles that he’s been reading the prophecy, and there’s nothing to answer that. Spike reminds Angel that it wasn’t long ago that Angel told Spike that the prophecy was bogus, and what does it mean that he’s now reading it ? Gunn points out that they need an expert on the Shanshu text, and Angel reminds him that Wesley isn’t there. Eve points out that his department still is though.

A snippy, scholarly type named Sirk informs Angel that Angel did not read the prophecy. He merely read a translation. Sirk points out a newly translated portion that seems to indicate the splitting of the root of a tree into two parts, each of which will seek refreshment from a hidden river. He spouts out several other equally murky phrases, about the balance being disrupted, and concludes by talking about how the souled vampire will drink from the *cup of eternal torment*, and that further torments will be visited upon him until he saves the world or destroys it. After which, said vampire will have a clean slate and live again as a human.

Angel and Spike start squabbling over which of them is the souled vampire in question. Sirk tells them that it will work out the way it’s supposed to work out — whoever is supposed to drink from the cup will be the one to drink from the cup. And once that happens, the universe should realign.

Sirk reads further and informs them that the cup is located in a former opera house in Nevada. Angel resolves to go there — and realizes that Spike has already left.

Spike steals Angel’s Viper and heads out. Angel is barely behind him in another car. Meanwhile, Gunn is trying to hold down the fort at W&H. Angel briefly catches up to Spike near the entrance to the old opera house, but after exchanging a few not-so-pleasantries, Spike is off again.

Back to 1880. William returns to their chambers, to find Angelus deeply involved in sexplay — with someone who he is horrified to discover is Drusilla. Dru asks if William missed her, and Angelus replies that he definitely must have since Dru is his *destiny*. They both laugh at the hurting, angry young vampire.

Back to the present. Angel catches up with Spike again, as both stare at the very grail-like *cup of perpetual torment*. Spike comments that he’s surprised it’s so elaborate and fancy, considering what it is. Angel asks what do they do now, and Spike attacks him.

The two start sparring. Spike starts ranting about how they are not the same. That Angel had a soul forced upon him, whereas Spike fought for and earned his soul, even though he almost died a dozen times over in the trials, because it was the right thing to do. Angel retorts that he heard it was to get into someone’s panties. A furious Spike moves back on the attack, and they’re at it again.

Cut to W&H, where the problems are getting worse. More and more people are being affected. Eve is querying Fred on her progress, when Gunn starts demanding to know why Fred is telling Eve anything. His eyes bloody, he accuses Eve of trying to kill them, and starts to strangle her, then slash her Fred hypos him out for the count.

Back at the opera house, Angel and Spike are still at it. They’re taunting each other. Spike tells Angel the prophecy isn’t meant for Angel. Nobody knows which side the vamp with a soul will choose, but Angel’s already chosen a side — he allied himself with the evil Wolfram & Hart. Angel says it’s more complex than that, but Spike always was an idiot.

Cut back to 1880 again. William tries to attack Angelus, but Angelus is quicker and shoves him up against the wall. Angelus explains that William can take whatever he likes or have whatever he likes, but nothing is actually his. William tells him he’s wrong — he and Drusilla are each other’s forever. Angelus tells him — if he wants her — try and take her. As William moves to attack Angelus again...

Cut back to the present, where Spike is now beating the crap out of Angel. Spike is ranting about how the real reason that Angel can’t stand the very sight of Spike is because he can’t stand to remember all the terrible things Spike has done because Angel/us made him a monster. Angel laughs. He tells Spike he merely allowed the real Spike to get out. Spike retorts that Angel never even knew the real Spike — he was too busy trying to see a mirror image of himself Wanting there to be someone every bit as loathsome as Angel/us in the world so he could stand himself. He — Spike — is nothing like Angel/us.

Angel retorts that Spike is less — which is why Buffy could never love him. Spike retorts that he supposes then that Buffy was actually thinking of Angel every time he (Spike) and Buffy had sex —

And the fight is on again. Angel throws Spike into some wooden crates, which break apart, handing Spike a nicely convenient wooden *stake*. He manages to get the upper hand on Angel and tries to bring the stake down. Angel blocks the blow into his forearm. The two vamps go at it again.

Back at W&H, Fred is helping Eve, whose throat is sore, and who is very shaken. Eve is upset that they all think she’s evil and against them. She assures Fred that she is not an enemy.

Back to the battle of the ages. Or the vampires. Spike and Angel are still fighting. Finally, Spike is able to get the advantage, knocking Angel’s stake away, and knocking Angel to the ground. He jumps on Angel, preparing to bring his own stake down (slashy entendres not intended. No. Honest.) ... then hesitates momentarily ... then brings the stake down hard. Into Angel’s shoulder. He remarks that he probably should have killed Angel, but he didn’t want to hear a certain someone complain about it. He heads for the Cup of Perpetual Torment.

Angel staggers up and asks Spike to stop and think. It’s not a prize — it’s a terrible burden and one that will consume him. Why is Spike doing this ? Does he really want such an awesome, terrible destiny ? Or does he just want to take something away from Angel ?

Spike thinks for a few seconds — and then admits it’s a bit of both. And drinks. Angel is devastated.

Spike suddenly drops the cup, his face scrunched in horror. Angel moves to him, concerned.

Spike locks eyes with Angel. The cup contained Mountain Dew. Neither vamp is a happy vamp.

Back at W&H, a bashed-up Angel enters the lab, telling Fred he fell down some stairs. Fred admits things are getting worse, and she still hasn’t found a way to stop it. Angel tells her the cup turned out to be a fake — it was a setup. He mentions Sirk — and Spike, just entering, equally bruised, says Sirk has inconveniently disappeared. As they wonder what to do next, Charles interrupts. He’s lucid again, as are the other victims.

Shortly after, in Angel’s office, Eve is explaining to Angel, Gunn and Spike that the Senior Partners were able to intervene and temporarily stabilize the universe. Unfortunately, they don’t know anything more about Sirk than Angel does. And of course, the whole shanshu thing is still unresolved.

Spike decides he wants to go drinking to celebrate his corporeal body. He invites Gunn, but Gunn politely refuses, saying his head is killing him already. After Spike leaves, Gunn asks if Angel is okay. Angel is deeply troubled. Spike beat him. First time Spike ever beat him. Because Spike wanted it more than Angel did. And what if that means that Angel isn’t really the vampire of prophecy after all ?

---

From Sparklies.org :

EPISODE 8 : Fighting, Fucking, and Fast Cars, aka "Destiny" Written by David "This Episode Is My Wet Dream" Fury, and that traitor to my devotion, Steve DeKnight. Yes, my beloved Steve, I refuse to give you any until you apologize for this festival of Y-chromosome confetti.

We open in a hotel suite in 1880 London. There’s the sound of giggling, and Dru comes in with the newly-turned William. Hmm, any guesses on what the wig will look like this time ? A dead mink ? The guard hairs of a sewer rat ? Oh, but I kid. I find the William wig cute.

He kisses her ravenously, and Dru comments that he’s been starving, calling him "Willy". I think the implication is sexually starving, and yes, yes he has been. Give it to him ! This ex-Spuffy misses Spike and Dru beyond belief. He wonders if this is her home, and she points out a couple of corpses on the couch, explaining in Dru-speak (ie wings, fairies, etc.) that Angelus had them for dinner. William wonders who Angelus is. You know, some of us were wondering that same thing after the end of season 4. I mean, WHY did Angelus not kill anyone ? I think I will call s4 Angelus "Lamegelus", because I am immature like that. Lamegelus ! It rolls off the tongue, really.

LAMEGELUS : I am evil and here to taunt you about your deepest insecurities ! VICTIM : My God, you are really scary ! Those taunts about my ex-boyfriend and my parents hurt ! LAMEGELUS : I know, it’s like a play. VICTIM : Are you going to kill me ? LAMEGELUS : No.

Suddenly Angelus appears in a bedroom doorway. Dru shows off "Willy" to him (OK, when I typed that it did not sound dirty, I swear), but William clarifies his name. Dru wants to know where Darla is, so she can show her, too, but Angelus steps into the room, scratch marks on his face. Hehehe. Oh, that Darla. She’s all wacky. He says they had a little spat, and that her precious Master (that always makes me think of Doctor Who, not the Jossverse) sent for her. Dru expresses her sympathies to Angelus, but he says not to worry, he and Darla will make up, they always do.

He turns his attention back to William, who is still eyeing Angelus warily. Note that I said warily, and I didn’t say "William scopes out Angelus’s hot little ass". Okay ? Okay.

Angelus wonders a bit that Dru didn’t just eat him, but decided to turn him. Dru gets pouty and says she hopes Angelus isn’t cross. Angelus grabs William’s hand and holds it directly in a beam of stray sunlight. He asks if William has any idea what it’s like to only have women as traveling companions, night in and night out. Okay, umm, I said they are not scoping each other out, here. Really.

William gets pissy about his hand being burnt up, and manages to free himself. He snarls a warning at Angelus not to touch him again. Angelus sticks his own hand into the sunlight, watching it sizzle, and says not to get him wrong, he likes the ladies, but he has wondered what it’s like to engage in some slaughter with another man, not that he’s some kind of deviant. Okay, fuck it all. I drop my pretense that this is not slashy.

Angelus removes his hand, and then William sticks his own back into the light. Angelus laughs appreciatively, and Dru rolls her eyes at the boy antics. I’m with you, Dru. Did you ever see guys do that candle flame thing ? That is so ridiculous. Of course, when I had to watch a bunch of drunken frat boys do it, there wasn’t gay subtext. No, wait. Fraternities are gay subtext. Ha, those crazy boys who want to ream each other ! It’s cute. Angelus claps a hand onto William’s shoulder and says that they’ll be the best of friends.

Back to the present. Angel is coming down the stairs, and yells at Spike to get away from him. Spike walks beside Angel and through a pillar, because it’s an effect that’s not too expensive and all the money is being eaten up on the flashbacks and the wigs, and Spike says he would if he could, and to just give him what he wants. Angel says no, he’s not giving Spike an office of his own, as he doesn’t work there, just haunts. Oh, come on, Angel. Like you couldn’t give him an office. It would get him away from you, wouldn’t it ? Or do you not want him away…hmmm…

They’re at Harmony’s desk, and she hands a mug of blood to Angel. Spike says to give him Wes’s office, then, since he is gone. ( Not because he got married, or anything.) Angel clarifies that it’s a leave of absence. (Not a honeymoon.) Spike says yeah, right, he thought Wes killed his father. (Not killing his father-in-law….wait a sec. The huh now ? Now I am sorry I missed ep 7 summaries.) Angel slams his office door on Spike, while Spike yells about the fact that he had to stake his mother while she was coming on to him. Oh, dude, no. Please, enough with the exposition. Could we cheapen LMPTM here a little more ?

Apparently not…Harmony says that explains a lot. Spike starts for Angel’s door, but Harmony says that a piece of mail came for him. Addressed to him, care of W&H. Spike is confused, of course. And, so am I. I mean, is everything on this show going to be a Deus Ex Post Office ? Is this series sponsored by the USPS ? Harmony offers to open it for him once it registers that he can’t do it himself. Because, it takes Harmony a while to register things. Because, she’s dumb. Woohoo ! Female Empowerment !

A bright flash fills the room as she does, but then…nothing. The phone rings. Harmony goes to pick it up, but there’s nothing but a loud screech at the other end. That’s me yelling at Whedon to stop worrying about what kind of pants to put Captain Mal in for the movie and look at what Fury is doing to the characters of the only show he has left on TV. Spike walks to Angel’s door, starting to walk through it but…bam ! He runs right into it. Bwa ha ha. Nyep nyep nyep. Whoo whoo whoo ! Numerous phones start ringing, Spike realizes he’s corporeal, and Angel opens the door. He and Angel exchange a stunned look.

Spike stands up, and starts feeling all over Angel’s chest and shoulders until Angel tells him to knock it off. Okay, I see, really. It’s a slashy first act. Spike feels the blood trickling from his nose, tastes it, and then grabs Angel’s mug, guzzling the blood in it. He remarks that it’s like ambrosia, and wonders if there is otter in it. Hahaha, or, not. See, cause otters are endangered, and it’s funny, and…ahh, fuck it.

Gunn enters, and Spike gives him a huge hug. Angel and Gunn wonder what is going on, and Spike says it must have been the thing he got in the mail.

USPS ANNOUNCER : Yes ! Spike got it in the mail ! Be sure to check with your neighborhood post office for all your postal needs. We have commemorative Slash stamps !

Spike doesn’t know or care where it came from. Angel asks Harmony what’s going on with the phones, and she explains that no one knows, but it’s all over the office. The computers are freaking out, too. Suddenly, Spike grabs Harmony and kisses her. She tells him to get off, and he says that’s the idea. Oh, hell no. Please, please no. Spike informs Angel that he needs to borrow Harmony for a while. Angel says no, but Spike blows it off. Harmony protests, but then Spike tells her what a pretty dress she has on, and she tells Angel she’s taking a long lunch. He drags her off down the hall. Gunn says things just got complicated, and Angel stares after Spike grimly.

Flashback again. Yes, again. Angelus and William are in a carriage, and Angelus is holding a dazed victim in a wedding dress. Hope this is the aftermath of the Bennifer wedding. William is laughing and recounting Angelus’s exploits, how he burst the priest’s head in the middle of the ceremony, how he beat the groom to death with his own arm. Angelus is getting sick of it, and offers William the bride victim. Willaim refuses, saying those are Angelus’s spoils, and that he himself should go find Dru. Angelus studies William a bit, and then says that Drusilla is special, isn’t she ? William agrees, saying that she brought him into the world, where he was meant to be. She’s his destiny. Angelus makes a remark about her being dotty and brain-addled, to which William takes offense. He says she’s just got a bit of child left in her. Angelus says it’s two or three by now. Two or three games that made the Cubs lose the fucking pennant ? God damn that ….okay, I am upset. Will shut up. He stops the coach, and tells William to be back before sunrise. Angelus, hon, I don’t think William is stupid.

LAMEGELUS : Be back before sunrise ! SLASHWILLIAM : I love you ! LAMEGELUS : I love you too, my white-cheeked flower !

Spike is still dragging Harmony down the hall. They enter an open office, and Spike tells the occupant, Reese, to get out. Reese starts to say that he doesn’t take orders from a ghost, but then Spike manhandles him out. Harmony begins to undo the buttons of her blouse. Wait, I thought she had a dress on ? OK, it’s a blouse. Apparently as long as Harmony can remove it, it’s fine. Reese gets the door slammed in his face, and Spike tells him to piss off. Sounds of grunting and moaning come from the office. Sounds of me banging my head on the keyboard come from here.

Reese goes up to another employee and starts to relay his troubles, but the other employee, Jerry, whirls around, his eyes red and blood trickling from them, a fire extinguisher in his hands. Ohh, Jerry seems to feel the way I do about this episode. Jerry mutters something about toner, and Reese tries to back off, looking terrified. Jerry raises the fire extinguisher and beats Reese to death with it, screaming that no one replaces the toner ! Heh. See, I like replacing toner but I get the exasperation here.

Angel and Gunn are talking to a tech guy. The phones are still ringing, constantly. Most likely it’s the post office, calling to know if W&H need a few more plot devices. Angel says to shut everything down, and figure out if there’s a bug in the system. Gunn wonders if Angel figures they are under some sort of attack again. Fred enters. She says the needles on their atmospheric gauges just flipped out. She thought it was an electrical surge at first, but figures something else is going on. Fred then gets a guest spot on Star Trek due to phenomenal use of fake technobabble.

Angel picks up his mug, and then notes it’s empty. Spike drank it all. He calls for Harmony, and Gunn reminds Angel that she’s having a nooner. Fred asks what ? Gunn begins to explain what a nooner is, but then Fred asks about Spike being corporeal, and why didn’t Angel call her ? Angel explains that it just happened, and he realizes that everything going screwy in the offices happened at the same time. Fred says that whatever recorporealized Spike must have had a ripple effect. Eve walks in, and says it’s the entire universe being thrown into turmoil.

Gunn says so, she knows what’s going on. Only what she’s been told, Eve replies. It’s a harbinger, and it has to do with shanshu. Oh, thank god, I was thinking they were bringing back the FE’s minions for a second. The prophecy talks about a champion, a vamp with a soul who plays a pivotal role in the Apocalypse, for good or evil. Fred says she thought it was about Angel becoming human. Eve says no, that’s just the epilogue…and the prophecy doesn’t name Angel. People start to register what she means. Spike’s existence is disrupting the order of things. Gunn wonders why, since Spike was around before with a soul. Eve explains that the prophecy mentioned a champion, and Spike saved the world. He was dead after that, but now that he’s back, things are different. Gunn leaves, saying he has to take care of something. Fred says to Eve that she (Eve) knew this would happen, the entire time she was trying to recorporealize Spike. Eve says no, and wonders how Fred managed to do it. Confusion. Angel says something came in the mail for Spike, they don’t know who sent it. The senior partners ?

USPS ANNOUNCER : Remember that we have commemorative stamps for Schwartzenegger’s ascension !

Eve says she doesn’t know, only that this is something seriously dangerous.

Spike and Harmony are in the middle of fucking on the desk. Suddenly, Harmony’s eyes start dripping with blood, and turn bright red. This thing with THE RAGE is getting old. I think all they need is some Visine and a nap. Spike says not to talk and spoil the moment, and suddenly she’s biting him in the shoulder.

God, Spike and Harmony. How can I describe this ? How do I detail it when my favorite character sinks lower than the Marianas Trench to fuck the insipid comic relief ? And we are supposed to feel *sorry* for her, of course. Because bad, wicked Spike *used* her. Never mind that Harmony is being given a free pass, suddenly not drinking human blood. Never mind that we were told all vampires without souls are EEEVIL! Never mind that we weren’t supposed to feel sorry for Spike when Buffy did this exact thing to him. Nope, fuck all that. Harmony has tits. Forget souls. Tits are buoyant and salvaging !

She’s also insipid, whiny, and the antithesis of any character I’d look for in a pairing with Spike. I’d look for you, dear vampire, but I’d need a bathysphere.

*****

Spike’s wondering what the hell’s gotten into Harmony. Well, you have, apparently, Spike. He notices her eyes, and he starts backing away as she begins to rant about the way he’s using her, making her feel that she’s his. She’s not. He tries to calm her down, but she launches herself at him, screaming that he doesn’t want her, just his slayer whore. Oh, it seems someone shares my dislike of Buffy. Well, that I can relate to. Spike knocks her out, and looks around, confused. Oops, too bad for him that he had the blood goggles on.

Jerry is being wheeled away, still yelling about the toner, as Lorne sits there and tells Angel and Eve what he found. The word "TONER" is written in blood on the wall. Angel says to seal off the building. A security guard complies, referring to the complex as "Pandora’s Box". That was subtle. Lorne asks if it is okay if he barricades himself in Angel’s office, nursing his head wound, and Angel says that’s fine, just to stop and tell Fred that he needs to know the second she figures anything out. Eve follows after Angel, saying that he knows what’s causing this. He denies it. She says the fabric of reality is beginning to unravel, and it’s all because of he and…

LUKE : Dude, you are such a queer. You are so fucking QUEER. SETH : Yeah, and that’s why you want me. LUKE : I’d never want a queer like you ! *sidelong look* SETH : *sidelong look*

Oops, sorry, I changed channels there for a second. Where was I ?

Angel looks ahead. "Spike," he says, seeing him emerge from Reese’s office. Spike says’s he’s not sure what’s going on, but Angel’s secretary started crying blood and went nuts, and he had to knock her out. Angel sarcastically says that Spike is a real hero. Eve says that’s the problem. There’s only supposed to be one vampire with a soul hero, and now there are two. This town isn’t big enough for both of them. Spike says fine, he’ll just go to Europe, and heads for the elevators. Eve clarifies that by "this town" she meant the entire plane of existence. Gunn comes out of an elevator, looking shaken, and Eve continues to the effect that if Spike leaves, things might get even worse. Gunn says they don’t want worse, the big cat in the white room is gone. Actually, the entire white room is gone, it’s just a howling abyss. Eve is troubled, she explains that it means the senior partners no longer have contact. Spike is still leaning on the elevator door, and Angel asks him to stay. Europe will still be there after they work it out, probably. Spike stops and comes back. He wants to know how they will do that. Eve thinks that maybe if they can figure out who the prophecy is really about, they can solve the problem. Angel says he just read it, and Spike begins to tease him about that, because Angel had said it was a load of crap. Gunn says they need an expert on the shanshu scriptures. Wesley is gone, though, says Angel. Eve says his department isn’t…

Office of some guy named Sirk. Sirk is holding a book and says no, Angel didn’t read the prophecy. He read a translation, which basically amounts to reading a 12 year old’s book report on the matter. Dude, try translating Old Babylonian. Ask for Dawn. Gunn misses Wes. Angel wants to know if anything in there will help, and Spike asks if there is anything in there about him. Sirk details some new passages, that the root of the tree will split in two and seek nourishment from the buried river. Spike says that sounds like gardening tips, and Sirk gets snippy and hopes he doesn’t have to explain what metaphor is. Sirk gets back to the book. There will be unbalance until the vampire with a soul drinks from the cup of perpetual torment. That’s not metaphor. He’ll be mad with pain until he saves or destroys creation. Spike asks what’s in it for him. Sirk and Angel finish off about the past being washed clean and the mortal form returning. Gunn asks that if Angel drinks, the problems will be solved ? Spike says maybe it’s not about Angel. Sirk explains that the drinking is predestined - whomever is supposed to do it, will do it, and then the universe will realign. Gunn asks where the thing is, and Sirk, after some playing around with the words, says Nevada. Death Valley, a place called The Columns. Angel says that was an opera house buried in an earthquake, and it’s only a few hours’ drive. Gunn stops Angel, saying this might not be the best time to go, but Angel doesn’t feel he has a choice. He stops and looks around. Spike is gone.

FURY : I rule Spike ! I am so good at writing Spike ! JOSS : So, do you think Captain Mal’s pants are tight enough ? I want them properly tight. FURY : Did you see how I wrote Spike there ? That was so cool. See, he uses Harmony for sex. Just like a serial-killer loving rapist. Or, you know, what a rapist would be, if it was Spike. JOSS : How about we add more of the Western soundtrack ? Spike barrels down the highway in Angel’s Viper. Yes, it’s described as "badass" and playing a punk tune. I didn’t know I was buying tickets to 2 Fast, 2 Furious when I started watching this show, but apparently I am. Like I said, Fighting, Fucking, and Fast Cars.

LAMEGELUS : I don’t like fast cars. I prefer to taunt people about their relationships. JOSS : Hey, you, there. What do you think of Captain Mal’s pants ? USPS ANNOUNCER : Captain Mal’s pants are available for a limited time on commemorative stamps !

Spike’s car cell phone rings. It’s Angel. He accuses Spike of taking his Viper. Hehehe. Oh, I so have to stop with the slash thoughts. Spike says it’s HIS Viper now, because possession is nine-tenths and all that. Angel should know. Angel wants to know if Spike thinks this is some sort of game, and Spike says no. One of them is going to stop it, and it’s going to be Spike. Angel argues that the shanshu isn’t about Spike, but Spike’s having none of it. He says he’s the one, and then fakes like the phone is breaking up. Angel drives off in his GTO after Spike, leaving a patch on the pavement.

Gunn is on his walkie-talkie, informing someone to put out a vampire with heavy tranquilizers (Harmony ?). Eve comes in, and says it’s always something around this place. Ghosts, monsters from the id (go Forbidden Planet !), cyborgs. Plot devices, flat characters, lame love triangles, crappy additional cast members. Gunn faces her down, saying that Eve seems to always be around for the trouble. That she plays like she’s from Santa Cruz. A security guard with THE RAGE stumbles around behind them. Eve says she never said she was from Santa Cruz, just that she went to school there. They square off. A sane security guard tackes the one with THE RAGE who is about to hit Lileve and Gunn with an axe. Gunn says right, and he’s just a mild attorney.

OK, Angel arrives at the opera house. Full of opera props. What are opera props ? I guess a CROSS. Spike peers down from above and addresses Angel. He says there they are, a couple of vampire heroes, competing for a drink of torment. Angel asks if Spike really thinks of himself as a hero. Spike says he saved the world, and Angel says to talk to him after he’s done it a couple more times. Spike heads off in search of the cup.

Flashback. William enters the bedroom of the hotel suite. Angelus is moaning and having sex with someone…we see that it’s Dru. Dru asks if William missed her. Angelus says he’s sure he did. William, crushed, looks at them as Angelus smiles and says of course he did, she’s his destiny. Dru says that is so sweet, and then starts to laugh her crazy laugh.

Present, Angel drops off the old opera house balcony and walks toward the cup. Spike drops down right behind him, saying he thought it would be a little less golden, given the torment aspect. They stare at the cup, and Angel wonders aloud what to do now, and then Spike sucker-punches him. "What do you think ?" he asks.

***** Spike advances, and Angel says they don’t have time for this. Spike’s only interested in fighting, though, and Angel attacks back. Spike manages to kick Angel into some crosses, and he sizzles a bit. They circle each other, stalking. Spike says that Angel thinks he’s such a big savior, but he still sizzles on a cross. Angel retaliates that Spike’s not different. Spike says that’s just it, he is. Angel had a soul forced on him. But Spike chose his own, with all the trials, because it was the right thing to do. It’s his destiny. Angel says he heard it was just to get into a girl’s pants. They fight some more, this time with some rebar.

Harmony is unconscious on a gurney. Gunn, Fred, and Eve are discussing the situation. Gunn says there are six more new cases, that there’s a massive increase. Fred is inspecting blood under a microscope. There’s no pattern to this thing. Eve wonders if there’s anything they can do. Gunn asks why Fred is answering Eve’s questions, and then goes into RAGE mode, saying the bitch will kill them all. He launches himself at Eve, trying to strangle her. Fred finally manages to take Gunn down with a hypo and a metal tray.

Angel and Spike are still fighting, big Bad Boy fight. Blah blah, they hit, they attack, they argue about the prophecy. Spike knocks Angel to the ground again, saying that it’s about a vamp with a soul, and no one knows what side he’s on (spike). But they already *know* what side Angel is on, right ? He already made his choice behind his desk at W&H. Spike goes to clock Angel with the rebar, but Angel staves it off, saying that "Willy" was always a bit simple.

Flashback, where we left off. A furious William charges Angelus, but Angelus slams him up against the wall by the throat. Dru pouts, and tells William to come give her a kiss. William spits at Angelus that he *knew* she was William’s.

Angelus sets William next to the corpses on the couch, delivering a lecture. There’s no belonging, no deserving. William can take what he wants, but he can’t truly *have* anything. Nothing is his. William looks up to see Dru’s naked form silhouetted in the curtains. She smiles at him sweetly. William says Angelus is wrong, that he and Dru are forever. Dru seems a bit hopeful at this notion. Angelus stands and crosses to Dru, wrapping his arm around her, saying that William is ever the poet, and he needs a better name.

Present. Spike is pummeling Angel, hard. Says he’ll tell him why Angel can’t stand the sight of him. Angel is getting his ass kicked. (Yeah, that is in the script.) Spike says it’s because Dru made him, but Angel is the one who made him into a monster. Angel says he didn’t make Spike, just let the real Spike out. Spike grabs the cross, knocking Angel across the room and letting it sizzle his own flesh as he holds it. Spike says that Angel never knew the real him, he was too busy trying to see his own reflection, someone as evil and disgusting as himself. He says to take a long look, because he’s nothing like Angel. Angel retaliates that he’s less, and that’s why Buffy never really loved Spike, because he wasn’t Angel. Spike drags him up at that, and says he supposes that means she was thinking about Angel all the times he was banging her.

They fight more, and Spike grabs a wooden piece of crate. He goes for a death blow, but Angel blocks it, taking a stake to the forearm. Angel yanks the stake out, morphs, and says they need to finish it. Spike grins and vamps out as well. *****

Fred is giving Eve a glass of water. Eve says Fred doesn’t have to pretend she cares, she knows what everyone thinks of her. Fred explains that Gunn was under the effects of whatever it was, but Eve starts getting all sniffly. She gets up and walks out the door, saying she’s not the bad guy, even if they don’t believe her. Fred looks after, not knowing what to think.

More Angel and Spike fighting. Spike is pretty much kicking Angel’s ass, again. He brings a stake down…into Angel’s shoulder. Deliberately. He mutters that he should have dusted Angel, but didn’t want to hear Buffy bitch about it. Spike heads for the cup and picks it up. Angel says to wait. That Spike doesn’t understand. That’s not a prize, but a burden. Does he really want that destiny ? Or does he just want to take something away from Angel ?

Spike says it’s a little of both, and then drinks. It turns out to be Mountain Dew. They’ve been duped.

Angel comes crashing into the lab, still bloody from the fight. He tells Fred he fell down some stairs. Angel explains someone set them up, maybe Sirk. Spike enters, bloody still as well, and says Sirk is gone. Fred eyes Spike and asks him about the stairs. Gunn comes to, then Harmony. They seem normal.

Eve talks to Angel, Spike, and Gunn in the office. She says that things are temporarily stabilized. (God that is cheap, how ? Dude, this ep answers NOTHING.) Angel wants to know for how long, and what the fake-out about the cup has to do with it. Eve says she doesn’t know, and the senior partners are pissed, too. They’ll find out. Eve gets up to go, and Gunn starts to apologize. Eve says not to worry about it…there are still things to resolve. Still the shanshu, and still two vamps with souls. She leaves. Spike asks Gunn to go out drinking with him, but Gunn says his head is splitting, and Spike leaves as well.

Gunn picks up that Angel is upset, and asks what is wrong. Angel says he doesn’t know. Spike beat him. Gunn says that they both look banged up, but Angel says no, not like that. Spike beat him to the cup. It didn’t matter if it was real…he won the fight. He wanted it more. Gunn says it doesn’t mean anything, but Angel isn’t having that. "What if it does ? What if it means …I’m not the one ?"

They exchange looks.

End ep.

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From Mythical-boards.com :

COPYRIGHT

™ and © 2003-2004 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved. Watch Angel on The WB on Sundays, at 8pm

After Spike receives a strange package, Wolfram and Hart employees are possessed by evil… while Angel and Spike are set against each other in a quest that brings their 100-year-old rivalry to a head.

In 1880 London, Drusilla introduces Angelus to her latest “creation,” the vampire William (Spike), whom Angelus declares will be a great friend. In the present, Angel throws Spike out of his office yet again. Then Harmony hands Spike a package that came for him in the mail. Spike opens it, there’s a brief, bright flash… and a moment later all the phones in the office start ringing. Then Spike attempts to walk through the door as he always does, but he hits it, falls down, and then realizes: he’s corporeal again. Spike celebrates with a long, hungry gulp from Angel’s cup of otter’s blood, and then he grabs Harmony, makes a salacious comment about her dress, and pulls her out the door. Back in 1880, after Angelus and William enjoy a night out on the town together, Angelus watches as William goes off to find Drusilla. In the present Spike throws a young associate, Reese, out of his office, then pulls Harmony into the room and begins tearing off her clothes. Reese goes to complain to another employee, Jerry, but when Jerry turns around, blood runs from his eyes and he slams Reese in the head with a fire extinguisher, killing him. Meanwhile Angel, Gunn, and Fred wonder what to do about the still-ringing phones, and Fred reports that the computers are malfunctioning as well, as if the firm were experiencing some odd power surge. Angel says it started with the flash that turned Spike corporeal again, and then Eve reports that something has thrown the entire universe into catastrophic turmoil. She says it’s some sort of harbinger of the Shanshu Prophesy… and then reminds them that the Prophesy doesn’t actually name Angel as the vampire who becomes human again, implying that it could be Spike. She also reminds them that Spike is also the kind of “champion” mentioned in the prophesy, so now that he’s got his body back, all bets are off. She asks how Spike became solid again. Angel tells her about the package, and Fred asks if it could have come from the Senior Partners. Eve says she knows only what she’s heard, and that what she does know is that the harbinger heralds something very dangerous. Meanwhile, in Reese’s office, as Harmony makes love to Spike, her eyes fill with blood, she morphs into vampface, and then sinks her teeth into his shoulder.

Spike knocks Harmony out while a security guard subdues Jerry after he attacks Lorne. The guard reports to Angel that there have been two other attacks reported as well, and Angel orders the building sealed until they can figure out what’s causing the employees to turn into bloody-eyed monsters. Eve says it’s happening because there’s only supposed to be one vampire with a soul in the world, and having two now is throwing everything out of whack. Spike offers to leave, but Eve says it wouldn’t help, since he’d still be in the same universe. She says that if they can figure out which of them the Shanshu Prophesy really refers to, they might be able to right things. Since the one person who knows the most about the Prophesy - Wesley - has taken a leave of absence, Angel, Eve, Gunn, and Spike go to speak with another scholar from Wes’s office, Sirk, who pulls out an ancient version of the prophesy, and in translation, says it refers to a “Cup of Perpetual Torment” which the vampire in question must drink from to have his past washed clean and return to mortal form. (This would also presumably return the universe to its normal state as well). Gunn asks where the Cup is and Sirk, after checking its history, says it’s in Death Valley at a place called the Columns, which Angel says is an old opera house that was buried in a 1938 earthquake. Angel says he’ll go there, but Spike has already vanished, and soon the two of them are chasing each other down the highway. A bit later Angel reaches the remains of the opera house, but Spike is already there… and they both head off to find the Cup. Then, in a flashback to 1880, William enters Drusilla’s bedchamber, but finds Angelus already in bed with her, gloating over his triumph. Back in the present, however, when Angel finally reaches the opera house stage where the Cup of Perpetual Torment rests on a pedestal, Spike drops in ahead of him, and punches Angel.

Of course Angel strikes back, and the fight escalates as the two men vent all the rage that’s been building between them for more than 100 years. Meanwhile, back at Wolfram and Hart, Fred tells Gunn that she can’t find any patterns among the 32 employees who have been affected by the murderous transformations. Gunn turns to her, but his eyes are dripping blood, and he grabs Eve by the throat, strangling her. Fred hits him over the head with a tray, knocking him out before he can finish the job. Back at the old theater the fight continues, and we flash back to 1880 again, as William and Angelus fight over Drusilla. In the present again, it’s nearly the same fight… only this time they trade barbs about which one of them Buffy really loved. Then, finally, Spike stabs Angel in the arm, they both morph into vampface and the conflict revs up yet another notch.

Back at Wolfram and Hart, Fred tends to Eve, who says she doesn’t want Fred’s sympathy, but does want her to know that she’s not really the “bad guy” Fred seems to think. At the opera house Spike finally sends Angel reeling with a wooden stake to the shoulder. Then Spike picks up the Cup. Angel warns him that it’s not a prize but a burden he’ll take on if he sips from it, but Spike downs the contents anyway. A moment later his face contorts in horror as he tastes… Mountain Dew. They realize they’ve both been had, and a bit later Angel returns, battered and bloody, to the office. Since Sirk was the one who sent him after the Cup, he asks Fred where Sirk is, but then Spike enters, also battered and bloody, and reports that Sirk has vanished. They start to wonder what they’re going to do about all the possessed employees, but then Gunn and Harmony - tied up nearby - snap out of their trances. A bit later Eve reports that the Senior Partners found a “temporary” solution, but she also notes that since there are still two vampires with souls, the Shanshu dilemma hasn’t been solved. Finally everyone but Gunn leaves Angel’s office, and Gunn asks Angel if he’s going to be all right. Angel thinks about it, then confesses that Spike won the fight and beat him to the Cup… which makes him wonder if Spike really is the “one” after all.