Angel

Episode 5:22
Not Fade Away: Never, Never, Never Give Up
By: Lee Hollins
Written By:  Joss Whedon & Jeffrey Bell
Directed By: Jeffrey Bell
Original Air Date: May 19, 2004

What would you do on your last day on earth?  What would you want to see, to taste, and to experience? Would you try to settle an old score? Make amends with loved ones? Spend time with those most important to you? I honestly do not know what all I would do but I do know that it would involve my family, Josh and my close friends - because those are the most precious things in my world. For the Fang Gang, and especially Angel and Gunn, their last day was about one thing: connecting. Connecting to the world, to someone else, to themselves. When it comes down to it, when you are faced with the idea that *this* is the end, what becomes important is not how much money you had or how much power you had gained but the fact that you connected with someone ... even if that person is yourself.

For Angel, the most important thing in his life, above any prophecies about rewards, above redemption, above any lovers, is his son. The son he never dreamed of having, the son who hated everything Angel was, the son he gave up to a better life. As long as Connor was safe and happy, Angel could survive anything Wolfram & Hart and the Senior Partners threw at him. Angel had resigned himself to the fact that he would never get the opportunity to reconnect with his son, but when faced with his imminent demise, instead of keeping away from his son, Angel chose to reach out, to reconnect with Connor, and, in essence, reconnect with his own humanity.

All this season, Angel has struggled with himself and in his place in the world.  Is he still fighting the good fight? In his efforts to use W&H, has he in fact been used? Is he doing what is right or what is financially sound? While he gained incredible power as the head of the L.A. branch of W&H, Angel lost his sense of humanity, his connection to the world.  No longer was it about saving someone’s soul, it was about fighting the nameless, faceless evil of W&H. It became less about a mission of redemption, of doing what is right, and more about a lesson in vengeance.  Slowly, however, Angel was regaining all that he had lost, tunneling through the darkness that had permeated his mission, and in his meeting with his son, he was reminded of why exactly he has chosen to fight. It’s not for the power or the glory or even for the chance to give the Senior Partners one last “screw you”; the reason Angel fights is for moments like this, moments when you connect to another person and in return, connect to the most important part of yourself: your hope. Hope for yourself, hope for others, hope for the world. Angel had lost that hope, but, due to his determination to connect with his son one last time, found it within himself and used it to give him strength for his last battle.

"It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something ...

sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind,

bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely."

Leo Buscaglia

Just as Angel lost himself this year in W&H, so too did Gunn. Gone was the street-wise, demon-hunting, always ready to kick some ass, Gunn, and in his place was a brain-boosted, smooth-talking, W&H lawyer. No longer concerned with fighting the good fight, Gunn was now worried about maintaining his devil’s deal with W&H. No longer the young man intent on keeping his crew safe no matter what, Gunn continued to sink further and further into the abyss that is Wolfram & Hart. In his attempt to no longer be just “the muscle” of the group, Gunn lost sight of who he is. For better or worse, Gunn *is* the muscle of the group. He came from the streets - the rough and tough lifestyle that dictated that you had to be the muscle in order to survive - and from the streets came his reason for fighting. Gunn was dedicated to the cause, even more so after his sister Alonna was vamped, maybe even more than any other member of the Fang Gang, because he lived with the constant fight. He had no way of escaping, no way of putting it out of his mind. It wasn’t a choice for Gunn - whether to fight or not - because there was no other way. That was just how it was - always fighting. And Gunn relished the fight. He *was* the fight.

When faced with Wolfram & Hart’s offer, for the first time, Gunn had a choice and he chose the path of least resistance, the easy path, the path of power. When you have power, it’s easy. “Sign this document here, Mr. Gunn,” and poof! Problem solved. You don’t have to get your hands dirty. But getting his hands dirty was an essential part of who Gunn is. Gunn is a fighter. The street is in his blood; denying it cost Gunn so much more than he expected. It cost him his friends, a loved one, even himself. And like Angel, Gunn slowly rediscovered who he is, especially after the incident with Lindsey in the alternate dimension. He did what the Gunn of old would have done - he fought. Gunn found the missing piece of himself, the piece that makes him indefinably Gunn. How does this rediscovered Gunn choose to spend his last day? He helps kids just like himself; kids from the street who struggle every day to survive. Gunn reconnects with his fundamental core: the fighter from the street. The brash, impulsive, always struggling, eternal fighter. To paraphrase the old saying, you can take Gunn out of the street but you can’t the street out of Gunn. In attempting to do so, Gunn not only lost the respect and trust of his friends, he lost Gunn.

"The man who is tenacious of purpose in a rightful cause is not shaken

from his firm resolve by the frenzy of his fellow citizens clamoring for

what is wrong, or by the tyrant’s threatening countenance."

Horace

Throughout this season, both Angel and Gunn struggled with their self-identity. Along the way, they lost what it means to be Angel and Gunn. In reaching out to others, both men were able to rediscover the missing part of their character. Angel rediscovered his hope - hope in humanity and hope in himself - giving him the strength to take on the Senior Partners. Gunn found the fighter in himself again, giving him the courage to face seemingly insurmountable odds. Witnessing their courage in not only the fight against the Senior Partners but also in rediscovering who *they* are gives me the courage that I need for my own struggles. For who among us hasn’t lost their path a time or two? Angel has always been about that struggle, the struggle to find yourself amongst a chaotic world. Each of the characters have stumbled a time or two; some have even fallen. However, they kept fighting. And what lesson could be more important than that one?

"I have fought a good fight. I have finished my course. I have kept the faith."

2 Timothy 4:7

Bar none, this is the hardest review of Angel that I have written, and it has nothing to do with my never-ending trouble deciding what to talk about and everything to do with the fact that every time I try to write what I want to write, I end up crying. Angel is over. Even now, weeks after the final episode, is still hard for me to write those words, much less think about what they mean. But as much as I hate the fact that Angel is over, I cannot help but be grateful that it was a part of my life. Outside of Buffy, no other show has meant more to me or taught me more about life, love, friendship, loyalty, and, most importantly, myself. For me, “Not Fade Away” is one of, if not the, most powerful episodes of the entire series because it so clearly represents everything I love most about the show.  For one last time we were able to see our heroes, our friends, ourselves, stand up for what they believe in, fight the good fight, regardless of the consequences. For one last time, we were reminded that heroes see the world as it should be, not as how it is. As Angel said in the episode “Deep Down,” “It doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be.”

Special thanks goes to Lori for her help in finding quotes for me (thank you, Lori!!) and to all my friends at ACN for being so patient with me and this extremely late review. I would like to dedicate this review to my dear, dear friends at ACN, and, most especially, Jody, my eternal cheerleader, my partner in crime, my sounding board, my confidante, and most importantly, my friend.  Without her and the absolutely wonderful people lovingly known as “Angelites” I never would have made it through these last several episodes and particularly this last episode. I am so blessed to count you among my friends and I treasure my friendship with each of you so incredibly much. I love you all!!

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