Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Remember last week at the end of my review of First Date that I asked everyone to pray of what was to come the following a week---a 7th Heaven musical episode? Apparently, it didn’t do the trick at all. I don’t understand how this show can have some really good episodes and then every once and a while have a REALLY BAD one. You’d think I was watching two different shows from week to week as the writing fluctuates from good to bad depending on the episode. Even though I wasn’t expecting much from this episode I wasn’t thinking it was going to be this bad---I mean it was written by Broadway stage actress Martha Pimpton who has worked with such people like Woody Allen. So we could at least hope there would be some good qualities to take from this musical. There wasn’t. This was definitely no Buffy. And this is the first time in the history of the show that I actually wanted to change the channel. And I’m gonna tell ya why... First off, again, this was definitely no Buffy. Get your Free Screensavers now!

I don’t like comparing a TV show to another, but in this case I have to make an exception as musical episodes are very rare, but when it is done, it is usually done right (i.e. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Once More, With Feeling, which I saw and loved) because they know they can do it. And Buffy definitely got it right. 7th Heaven didn’t even come close---in fact both shows are solar systems apart when it came to music, choreography, singing and originality.

The first thing that needs to be addressed when you are a TV show that wants to do a musical (God only knows why), the first criteria that should be addressed is to check to see if your actors on the show (at least most of them) can sing. And not just sing, but can sing well. It was reported earlier, prior to this episode that actor David Gallagher (Simon Camden) didn’t want to sing in this episode because he didn’t want to embarrass himself, whereas Tyler Hoechlin and Beverely Mitchell didn’t sing as well, as they probably also contested. When a portion of your cast objects to this, that should’ve been a red light to the writers and producers that this is not going to work. Not only that, but it should’ve been realized by the producers that musicals on TV shows are done very rarely. You’d think they’d realize this is for a reason.

Another thing that was was done wrong in this musical episode is that none of the music was "original." ALL of the music was taken from previous albums and composed by other artists decades ago, and the producers and writers just decided to put them in, despite the fact that none of the songs were memorable, nor did they really match the scenes they were in. Last, but certainly not least, there was no logical explanation on why everyone decided to burst into song this week. Even Buffy the Vampire Slayer used logic in a sci-fi sense by the town being on a spell, but what about people here in Glen Oak? What a travesty! Wow, that was one long introduction, but this was some horrible musical. Let’s break it down...

Eric, Annie and twins: We begin with Eric and Annie getting up for Valentine’s Day as Eric decides to do the laundry and cook breakfast with the twins to wish their mom a Happy Valentine’s Day. Oh, and it’s the twins birthday, even though no one really cared by only acknowleging it for a second. I’ve been complimenting the twins a lot this season as they have significantly improved in their acting and general speech this season, especially the taller twin. But they’ve still haven’t reached their full potential of being cute twins on screen, which is worse as they sing in this episode. As Eric went into his little number they joined along with him singing very slow and slurring in their speech. I’m just wondering, I don’t mean this to be funny, but it does seem that they have a speech problem for six year olds.

The episode begins with part of the family singing Love Is Sweeping The Country with Eric and twins in the kitchen preparing to serve Annie breakfast for her present for Valentine’s Day. Shouldn’t the twins be getting most of the attention, since they are only 6 and it’s their birthday? At that age a birthday is a big deal. Moving on...(but not fast enough for this episode to end) Eric and Annie get into a quarrel about Eric’s red socks and the laundry as he leaves them in the white clothes for wash and turns them pink. Not only that, but Eric leaves dishes in the sink, which leads to an unhappy Annie who wished the day was a little more special. Whatever. It was boring and the discussion of red socks till the end of the episode had absolutely no meaning. And I don’t remember Annie giving Eric red socks in previous Valentine’s Day shows as she claimed. Either way, Eric was a so-so singer in his office as he sung You Are My Lucky Star to a picture of Annie. That was okay, but still very unoriginal. The way how Annie treats Eric, I wonder how she could be.

Kevin and Lucy: There is a big mystery with these two in the episode. We see Kevin (George Stults) and Lucy (Beverley Mitchell) mainly arguing once again on trivial stuff that shouldn’t really matter---Lucy wants Kevin to stay home one more day from work to celebrate Valentine’s Day with her, while Kevin feels he needs to go back to work from his sabatical as other police members might wanna have the day off. Lucy of course fusses. Why? He’s has to make a living--- something you are not doing at the moment Lucy and he has to pay for their new home---which they still haven’t moved into yet---once again I say, why?

Now here comes the mystery part with these two. It’s been established that actress Beverley Mitchell has a pretty nice voice and is a descent singer. There’s proof of this as she has sung earlier in the series to her newborn brothers (i.e. It Happened One Night) and when she sung to her high school crush Jeremy on Valentine’s Day a few years back (i.e. V-Day). So why would they not want her to sing in this episode, a musical mind you, and yet have Kevin (George Stults) for the couple in this episode? No offense, but it’s an accomplishment if Kevin can show more than two emotions in an episode. And yet Brenda Hampton and Martha Plimpton chose him to sing over Beverley Mitchell. The only thing that seems logical is that Beverley Mitchell also decided not to sing in this episode. Based on the script and songs, smart move Beverely. Poor George.

Anyway, Kevin tries to charm Lucy while he’s getting dressed for work by singing (or at least trying to sing) You Were Meant For Me to her in an approach to make her feel better. This was the absolute lowpoint of the episode. I actually had to walk into another room because I was embarrassed that I was actually seeing this. Not only can George Stults not carry more than two emotions in his facial expressions but he has no body rhythm whatsoever in his dance. His voice was completely horrible. It’s not even clear if he was singing, just rhyming along with the words. Did I mention it was painful? Even Lucy (Beverley Mitcell) made a bad expression of how awful he was. If this was a funny attempt by the writers to show Kevin singing bad for his wife anyway to cheer her up, that’s nice, but why did us viewers have to be subjected to it?

Ruthie and Vincent: Well after only one date this new couple is already experiencing tension. Apparently, neither knows how to call each other back on the phone after three days as both expected the other to call them back. This inevitably puts Ruthie (Mackenzie Rosman) in a bad mood when she’s in school and seeing practically every teenager in school as a couple kissing and making out in the hallways---everyone but her. Yeesh! Glen Oak is one sexed up town. It doesn’t help when Vincent is walking in the hallways with another girl to get Ruthie’s attention, and Ruthie retaliates by going with some other guy after arguing with Vincent. Anyway, while in school Ruthie breaks into song with Nice Work If You Can Get It. There was absolutely no relevance of that song to the scene of Ruthie being mad and jealous. Who chose this music? Not only that, but the musical number was terrible all the way through. Ruthie struts herself through the hallway singing, and yet her lips are not matching the song at all. It was so obvious the poor thing was lip synching. Taking cues from former cast member Ashlee (Cecilia), eh? It also didn’t help the way Mackenzie Rosman moved around in a somewhat strippery way during her dance number in the school hallway. She definitely looked uncomfortable doing it. She looked like she wished she was somewhere else. I don’t blame her. It also doesn’t help since she looks so young---it looks less like sexy and more like child porn. Take a note writers and producers. Don’t ever do that again!

But like any teenage couple, their first fight is short-lived as they talk on the school bleachers. Vincent (Thomas Dekker) basically tells Ruthie that she’s not perfect and then breaks into song with Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive, I guess to show that Ruthie needs to look more into his good qualities. That is my best guess on how the music refered to the scene, but it’s still a stretch. Once again, couldn’t the writers have hired composers to make up their own song to fit into the scene.

Surprisngly enough, Vincent and the baseball musical part was the best out of all the rest in the episode. He actually knew how to move with rhythm and the choreography wasn’t that bad. Although, that was definitely not his voice singing. It was completely fake. What’s the point of having a musical if the people don’t use their real voices, or at least record their own voices to be added later in the scene? Ugh, moving on...

Simon and Anna: For Valentine’s Day, Simon (David Gallagher) has found himself yet another girlfriend, Anna, whom he just met the night before---and once again it’s love at first sight. I don’t mind that Simon is dating a lot of different girls this year. Honestly, if there’s ever an age where a person should date around a lot to see who they want to be with it should be in college. I don’t mind that, but it’s very tiresome now that the writers keep using this "love at first sight" plot and saying "I love you" to each other only after knowing each other for a day or two. It seems more like "lust at first sight" on this show. Anyway, Anna for some reason wants to know everything she can about Simon, which means going to Glen Oak to see his family and where he grew up. Simon, knowing how his family is, decides that it isn’t a good idea and just wants to drop into town for a while.

As Simon and Anna spend the day in Glen Oak for Valentine’s Day they decide to spend it at the promenade. Why would he take her to the promenade though if he didn’t want to run into his family? Simon should know by now that the promenade is Camden central for the mall. Anyway, as Simon goes away to get something Annie comes up to Anna and tells her that she’s Simon’s mother and that she feels they are rushing things. That’s when the song begins, The Man Upstairs. Now Catherine Hicks wasn’t that bad of a singer, but that was one creepy song for the scene of Annie telling this girl, whom she has never met before to talk to God when it comes to being with her son. It was completely out of character, even for Annie and a complete disregard for her son. If I was Anna and my partner’s mother came up to me out of nowhere to tell me to look up to God "upstairs" about their relationship I would’ve ran far away. Anna did start to run away a little after talking to Annie and wanted Simon to take her back to college, but inevitably she comes back later on to his apartment and decides to make out with him anyway. Whatever. I doubt we’ll see her again away.

Martin and Zoe: We don’t see this new couple much in the episode, but what we do see is that Martin (Tyler Hoechlin) gets reacquainted with Zoe (Katie Cassidy) after a few weeks ago when she threatened to get him in trouble if he didn’t follow her lead in telling her friends in school that they slept together. Yep folks, another young girl who manipulates their men in Glen Oak. I tell ya, I think Brenda Hampton hates young women. Anyway, throughout the episode Zoe tries to charm him in the hallway by giving him an apology Valentine’s card and also showing up at his baseball practice trying to flirt with him. Not only that, but later on she comes by to the Camden home to see if she could possibly be with hm. Martin’s reaction throughout all of this is pretty subdued. Quite frankly, he doesn’t seem too interested in her. Zoe just doesn’t seem to take the hint that he’s really not that interested in her. But at least neither sung. That’s a another plus for these two in comparison to others. I wouldn’t even call them a couple, because they honestly didn’t have much chemistry on screen as is.

I know the writers are trying to make Martin a real straight forward teenage guy in not wanting to have sex with Zoe or any girl for that matter. But it’s becoming more of a problem as they keep addressing that Martin doesn’t want to have sex. It sort of worries me. Even the most straight forward guys show signs of tempatation. He should at least show some signs of weakness to this, because he’s around all these pretty girls around him at school all day. Whatever, I’m not going to go there. Besdies, we know he has a thing for Ruthie. So I didn’t and won’t get attached to this couple. Heck, I’m surprised Zoe (Katie Cassidy) came back for a second appearance. On this show people and relationships with the Camden’s are a constant turnstile.

Overall, this was a VERY terrible musical episode. The singing, choreography, dialogue and plots were all AWFUL, with a capital A. Seriously Brenda Hampton, if you’re starting to run out of ideas on how to make your Valentine’s Day episodes unique, maybe you should stop making them! I don’t think the fans would mind. Why not Christmas? This is a Christian family, and I’m sure that’s a big thing in the household that you never show. Also, more importantly, Martha Plimpton, don’t quit your day job, please! And Brenda Hampton, your episodes for the rest of the season better be pure gold to counter weigh this crap you subjected to your viewers this week. This show needs to stick to what it knows best--- feel-good family drama, that is all...ugh, my head hurts now, I need a drink.

Grade: **1 out of 10**

Rants and Bits: *Despite Vincent’s dance number on the baseball field being the best musical number in the episode, I still have to say that was the gayest thing I think I’ve ever seen on this show. It was creepy how they guys lifted him up in the air and the water was spitting out of their mouths like a water fountain...creepy

*Where was Kyle Searles (Mac)? He was credited as a guest-star yet he had no lines in this episode and we only saw him for a few seconds in the baseball musical number.

*I feel so sorry for the twins, Sam and David. That was one crappy birthday they had. They got crappy presents (Ruthie cleans their room for a week?) and had to sing, as well as hear their family members sing! Not only that, no one else seemed to care. Poor guys.

*Why is it that all the Camden men and Martin continue to date these thin, blue-eyed blonde girls? Can’t they mix it up a bit with a brunette or redhead 7th Heaven casting department?! I was though suprised to see so much diversity in the promenade musical number. One rare highlight in the musical number as well.

*Each cast member deserves a hefty bonus from the show, truly, as they’ve completely embarrassed themselves this week in front of America and some compensation is needed. In fact, take it out of Brenda Hampton’s and Martha Plimpton’s pay check! They need to be punished. It’s only fair since they did it to us this week.

*Lip synching was running rampant in this episode. A simple thing to match the lips with the vocals and even the editting team couldn’t get it right, nonetheless the actors! Ugh, more liquor!