Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Classical music plays, the camera pans past a wall of books to a fireplace, and then to Andrew, sitting in a smoking jacket, talking about stories. He takes a drag off a pipe, starts to choke. He invites us to come with him into a tale called Buffy, Slayer of the Vampires.

He narrates as Buffy goes into the cemetery with a crossbow. A vamp attacks her, she shoots him and dusts him. Another vampire attacks as Jonathan narrates. The second vampire throws Buffy against a tombstone, cut to Andrew who is saying Buffy didn’t expect the attack. Knocking interrupts Andrew’s narration, suddenly we see he’s in the Summer’s bathroom with a camcorder. Anya opens the door. She asks him what he’s doing, he’s been in there for a half an hour. He says he’s creating and entertaining, Anya asks why he can’t just masterbate like the rest of them.

Credits roll.

Buffy dusts the second vampire. Andrew asks why vampires don’t show up on video tape. He says what he’s taping is an important document.

Anya is telling Andrew how creepy it is that he was filming himself in the bathroom, she thinks it’s creepy. Plus there’s too many of them in the house to be sharing the bathrooms. Andrew tells Anya he’d like to interview her later, to give his tape perspective and balance, Anya is suddenly flattered.

Andrew films himself in front of his storyboard of the hellmouth. He has a picture drawn of the ubervamp and the first and the Bringers. He explains the whole story, everything they know. He says the Bringers are very ugly and very mobile for blind people.

Andrew films the SIT’s, Willow and Xander eating breakfast. Andrew tells Xander he’s the heart of the slayer machine. As Andrew narrates about the danger they’re about to face, Dawn says they’re out of Raisin Bran, Anya replies to Dawn, Spike walks in, Andrew tries to film foreign SIT’s, Amanda walks in front of the camera, Andrew tells her he doesn’t want to film her. Andrew narrates, he starts to talk about Buffy, her hair flows in the breeze, Spike walks across the camera, shirtless, beside Buffy, Anya walks in front of them, seductively eating grapes, Andrew pans his camera over to a blonde SIT, makes some comment about not knowing her name. Buffy interrupts, asking if they can get him to stop filming. Spike says to leave him be, he’s keeping busy. Anya comments that it might be good to have a documented account of what happens, someone else comments that’s fine so long as someone survives to watch it. Buffy starts to talk about her ubervamp vision, the speech starts. Andrew leaves the room promising to return when the boring speech ends. Andrew tells the story of the Trokia, making himself the dapper leader, as he finishes his story, he comments on how cute Jonathan was. He turns the camera back to the speech, Buffy is still talking. Willow looks bored, Kennedy moves seductively towards Willow. Andrew says that he had an encounter with Dark Willow once. He goes back the the finale from last season, Dark Willow attacks, Andrew uses a counter spell to stop the magic. As his POV switches back to the real world, he notices that Buffy has stopped talking, he says that means she must have gone to work, he goes to get breakfast.

At the school, Buffy sees a girl starting to disappear, she runs over and notices her before she Marcy’s. Then a girl comes running out of the bathroom, crying that the mirror said she was ugly. People are fighting in the hallway. Buffy goes into the office to find Principal Wood with a bandaged head. They talk about the chaos that is enveloping the school. Buffy explains that it’s everything she’s seen before happening all at once and they’d better stop it before they have a riot on their hands. Just then, some guts explode onto the office window. Buffy states that she should have had that footrub.

Andrew points to the Hellmouth on his storyboard.

Wood and Buffy discuss what to do, Buffy thinks that it has something to do with the seal.

Andrew sits down to interview Anya and Xander. Andrew says a year ago Xander left her at the altar, he wants to know why. ANya says he made a mistake, Xander says he didn’t because marrying her would have been going against everything he thought was true. ANya says he still loves her. They get jealous over each other, they still spark. Andrew says he’d like Xander to explain.

Buffy and Wood inspect the seal. Buffy tells Wood about the vision she had of the Ubervamps. Buffy explains that Willow has been researching the seal. Wood asks her if she can trust Willow. If she can trust anyone, they’ve all been evil. Wood’s voice changes as he touches the seal, he says she’s been screwing that vampire, he runs toward Buffy, his eyes are blue, Buffy grabs him, he shakes it off. Wants to know what happened. Buffy says she thinks they better go ask the first person who shed blood on the seal. A piglet goes running by as she says that, Wood comments that he hopes that’s not a student.

Andrew interviews Spike, tells him to step back into the light.

Anya and Xander talk. Xander says that she was the one who didn’t want to see him anymore. ANya tells him to stop, they’re just going to end up hurting each other more. She asks him if he still loves her, he says he does, ANya says she loves him too. They fit. Xander says he’ll never find anyone out there like her again. Andrew’s camera blinks from a table, Andrew rewinds the tape, keeps listening to the words Xander said to Anya. As he’s watching, Buffy walks in, tells him to stop filming.

At the school, people gather around the seal.

Andrew and Jonathan are in bed together in Mexico. They both have the same dream, of the seal and the Ubervamp and the dead SIT’s. Andrew and Jonathan talk about how they admire each other.

Andrew back in casa Summers stops and says he doesn’t feel right saying this much. He’s staring into a crystal Willow is holding. They’re trying to get him to explain how he knew about the seal and the ubervamp. Buffy threatens for him to stay relevant or she’s going to smash his camera. Andrew says it’s about to get relevant because Jonathan is about to go to the bathroom. After Jonathan leaves the room, Warren appears and asks him if he got the knife. Warren tells him to hurry, Andrew says Jonathan will be gone for awhile, he has a nervous bladder. Andrew says he doesn’t really want to kill Jonathan. Warren says if he does, they can live as gods. Andrew has a daydream of the three of them dressed in white with flowers on their heads, dancing and singing.

Willow breaks into the story, wants to know what Andrew did with the knife he stabbed Jonathan with. He says it’s in the cutlery drawer. Kennedy goes and gets the knife. Willow asks Andrew if he can read what’s carved into the blade. Andrew translates, "the blood I spill will consecrate into the oldest evil." Willow takes the knife away, thinking that it’s a start.

Buffy and Willow decide to takt the knife and Spike and ANdrew and Wood to the seal with the knife, the seal responds to the language, they’re going to try and talk it into going away apparently.

They arrive at the school, it’s all trashed. Wood and Spike exchange barbs, Andrw explains to his camera that he thinks it’s sexual tension. They move down the hallway talking abou thow the kids went nuts. A kid jumps out from around the corner and smashes Wood in the face with a fire extinguisher. More attack, Andrew says something about being cut down before his time. They beat the students up, Buffy warns SPike not to kill them, Spike comments "they’ll live" as he knocks a student unconscious. Buffy tells them they need to split up. Andrew says he’s going with Buffy leaving Wood and Spike paired up.

Buffy and Andrew go down the stairs, he’s talking to the video camera, Buffy is annoyed with him, she calls him a murderer, he stabbed Jonathan to death. Andrew says that’s not exactly how it happened. Andrew explains what happened. In Andrew’s version he and Jonathan struggle when Jonathan sees the knife, Jonathan ends up stabbed, ANdrew cries to the heavens for what he’d done. Buffy says she thought he’d say that, she saw the seal possess the principle earlier that day. Andrew changes his story, suddenly he killed Jonathan because he was posessed. Buffy calls him on changing his story. They get to the door to the room with the seal, Andrew tries to run away, Buffy grabs him, they walk in on a whole bunch of students chanting around the seal.

Anya and Xander are in bed together, Spike’s bed. They both say how good it was. That it felt like one more time. Anya wonders if they should do it again. Xander is kind of confused, like he doesn’t get what she’s saying. She goes on to comment that what they just did felt like one more time, she thinks maybe they really are over. They both look uncertain and lay together in silence.

Wood and Spike walk around upstairs, wondering what’s keeping Andrew and Buffy.

Andrew films as Buffy clears all the worshippers from around the seal. Buffy gets rid of the last one, tells Andrew it’s his turn. Andrew asks if it’s time for him to read to it. Buffy tells Andrew that the seal responds to blood not words. That she knows that the blood of the person who spilled the blood to awaken the seal will close it. Buffy says that she doesn’t know how much he’ll have to spill, if it’ll have to kill him. Andrew asks if this is his redemtion. He tries again to make a point of the killing of Jonathan being an accident. Buffy tells him to stop tellling stories. That’s what she’s been doing. What kind of hero does that make her, that she has to lie to get him there. She lies when she gives speeches. ANd people have to die because of those lies. And that he might die, right now. She holds him over the seal and asks him if he thinks his death will make him redeemed. Jonathan starts to cry, he says it won’t, because he killed Jonathan. He admits his guilt. His tears fall on the seal, the seal stops glowing. Buffy drops him, she sayd the seal didn’t want blood, it wanted tears. Andrew asks her if she was going to stab him, she says no. Andrew asks if the tears were enough to stop it. They walk towards the door.

Upstairs, Wood and Spike are fighting off the students. Suddenly the students return to being normal. They reallize ANdrew and Buffy must have done it.

Andrew talks into his camera. He confesses to killing Jonathan. He turns off the camera.

THE END