Buffy The Vampire Slayer

And so, on to the spoilers:

 The teaser opens with a flashback, Spike and Nikki fighting in Central Park in 1977. MiniWood is watching, and who brings their kid to Central Park in the middle of the night, anyway? Call DCFS! There’s some Nikki/Spike banter, and he doesn’t want to end the dance yet. He compliments her coat. Ha ha! Don’t worry, Spike, they pop up randomly in high school basements all the time.

 Present day. Wood’s fighting vamps in an alley. Because, you know, they all know who he is, the notorious demon fighter and all! Spike turns up, saves his ass, tells Wood not to be afraid to use that stake. Wood mutters something about how he is waiting for his moment. Wow, I so did not see that coming. He squeezes the stake so hard his hand drips blood. So, I guess he’s red-handed? *veg*

 Wood and Buffy talk in the high school, talking about how things have been quiet since the seal was shut down. Yep, whenever there’s a problem, call Andrew to cry on it and fix it. Pot roast didn’t turn out? Add a little Andrew salt! Wood tells Buffy she reminds him of his mother when she’s patrolling. Umm…okay, Principal Creepy. Giles comes in, gets introduced to Wood. Blah, blah, blah. I’m calling Andrew to cry on this scene and make it more watchable. Giles explains that his trip is about Spike, that he has something that might disarm the trigger. Wood gets interested, but not interesting, sadly.

 Back at the ranch, the SiTs are disappointed that they aren’t a part of what is going on in the basement. Honeys, I’m disappointed that you get part of a scene. In the basement, Xander is shackling Spike to a wall. Wood is down there too, probably taking notes for his upcoming S/X slashfic. Giles holds up a stone, saying they need to put it in Spike’s brain to bring out his subconscious and disarm the trigger. Ermm…yeah. He’s giving Spike his rocks back! Hee! Get it? It’s a rock…oh, never mind. Willow chants, and the rock turns into a slimy thing. No, Wood isn’t being cloned, here. Spike complains, and so do I because it sounds pretty nasty. Buffy holds Spike’s hand here, guys!

 Intermission to do the dance of hand holding.

 Another flashback, to 1880 this time. WILLIAM MY LOVE! How I missed you in all of your yamminess. He’s reading his poetry to his tubercular mom…is he trying to hasten her along? Nope, guess not, she likes it. This is so sweet I’m about to cry pure sugar.

ANDREW: Hey! That’s my job! Stop it!

OK, more sweet conversation that makes Freud’s ashes get up and dance a jig. She sings the song that we know as Spike’s trigger song.

 Back in the basement, Spike freaks out, hits Buffy (who was still holding his hand, hee). Then he picks up his cot and throws it at Dawn, knocking her to the ground! Oh, thank you, God! Throw something else, Spike, anything within your reach!

 Blah, blah, Willow tends to Dawn upstairs and Anya says something bitchy about Spike, while downstairs Spike recovers from his little outburst. Giles asks him what he remembers. Don’t ask Spike that, Giles, he remembers that the Initiative gave him drugs, and clearly has mental continuity problems. Spike says he remembers the song his mom sang to him, but that is all. Giles starts grilling Spike, saying he’s not cooperating, and that the trigger still works. At some point around here Willow gets a call from Fred in L.A.
 Another 1880 flashback, this time with William and Dru doing naughty things on William’s family couch. Then William kinda ruins the mood by bringing his mom into it, saying what fun the three of them will have. He says Dru will like her, and I’m cracking up now. Freud’s Greek Urn is now bouncing up and down in sheer glee as William’s mom gets introduced to Dru, and he explains his new nature. I swear, after this hysterical scene, I want a Dru, William and Mom spinoff. Spike bites his mom. And then puts his eyes out. OK, he doesn’t put his eyes out, but somewhere in the Elysian Fields, Sophocles demands a royalty check, and in the Angelverse, Connor doesn’t feel like such a prat anymore.

 Spike comes out of his flashback, stuff happens, Wood calls Giles over to talk to him, explaining that he was raised by a pack of mannerless vultures that fed their victims dripping guts off of forks. I mean, no, explains he was raised by a watcher. Giles recognizes the name, and after some exchange realizes that Spike killed Nikki. Wood convinces Giles that something needs to be done about Spike, and persuades him to distract Buffy for a few hours. Whoa! Please tell me this is not the real Giles.

 Wood talks Spike into going to his house, while Giles takes Buffy out on a "training session", and starts getting into lecture mode. Buffy is unimpressed, and accuses Giles of treating her like she’s 16. No, he treated you like more of an adult at 16, Buffy. He talks about moving on and how she has to be a general. Uh oh, is Petrie involved here? I swear that man wants to be slapped by Patton. Or Riley.

 Wood takes Spike into his garage, and locks the door behind him. Spike notices that he has a collection of death’s head moths and night vision goggles - I mean, crosses all over the walls, and starts to get a bit twitchy. Wood starts rattling on about the kind of person Spike is, and finally reveals that Spike killed his mother. He explains that he doesn’t want to kill Spike now that he’s changed, he wants to kill the monster that murdered his mother, and then hits a key on the computer, cuing the trigger song and causing Spike to vamp out. Wood gets all pleased with himself. I’m really creeping out, here. This guy is a fruit loop. So much for Wood not being Holtz, part 2.

 Back to 1880. Spike is looking for his mother. He hears the song playing from the darkness, and finds her, holding a music box. She’s not sickly anymore, of course. Spike is thrilled, and wonders what kind of things she’d like to do first. No, dammit, not those kinds of things, stuff like theater and killing. Mom says she wants to be rid of him, quotes his awful poetry, and makes disparaging remarks about it. God, my poor heart can’t take this. Oh, great, it gets worse, cut back to the present, where Assholtz is beating Spike with brass knuckles. Charming. No! Please, I need more pain! Back to 1880, where Spike’s mom is getting even crueler, telling him that she wished she’d have just dashed his brains out as a baby and spared herself a horrible life of boredom. More abuse from Assholtz. More abuse from mom. Back and forth and back and forth and I am soooo not typing out all the awfulness. It’s really, really painful.
 Okay, Buffy and Giles in the cemetery. Buffy goes to kill a vampire, and Giles stops her from delivering the death blow. Giles questions Buffy as to whether she’d let the vamp live to save the world, and Buffy gets flippant, making small talk with vampy. Then he asks if she’d let vampy kill him to do the same. At this point, I’m hoping this is a practical excersise, but it isn’t. Damn. After some thought, Buffy realizes that she would. Giles goes on about how they are all expendable in this war, and that nothing should interfere with their chances of winning. Then he brings up Spike…..

…who is still being beaten. Assholtz tears the duster off him, and Spike is in and out of flashback. Really, really nasty and incestuous remarks from mom, and whoa, some of this stuff is probably gonna get cut. William is thank god horrified and heartbroken, and she orders him to get out and attacks. They struggle for possession of her walking stick, it snaps in two. Spike says he’s sorry…

…cut back to Assholtz, who hesitates. Spike mutters again that he’s sorry…

…William stakes his mom, who momentarily reverts to her familiar, kindly _expression before she explodes into dust….

…Spike manages to gain the upper hand on Wood. Comes to his senses. Explains that his mom was a Slayer, he’s a vampire, that’s how it works and she knew it. Really amazing stuff here from Spike, about the nature of Slayers, about his own mom, about love. He flips on the song, and it no longer affects him. Spike says he has his free will back, and that he wanted him to know that before he kills him. He bites into Wood....

Buffy and Giles in the cemetery. Giles tells Buffy that Spike is a liability, that Angel knew well enough to leave but Spike doesn’t. Giles receives honorary membership at the Ducks board. Buffy defends Spike, saying that she wants him there, and that it’s not his fault the First is manipulating him. Giles makes the point that Ben wasn’t responsible for what Glory did, and then admits that he killed Ben. Wow! Buffy slowly realizes what is going on here. Wow, not too quick on the uptake, are we? She runs off.

Spike emerges from Wood’s house, wearing his duster again. Buffy rushes to him, trying to make sure he’s okay, but he pushes her hands away. She asks what happened, and Spike opens the door to reveal Wood, messed up but still alive. Spike explains that he let him live because he killed Nikki, but if he so much as looks at him funny again, he’ll kill him. He walks away, and Buffy turns to Wood. Some talk about her mother, about Spike. She says that she needs him to win this war, and that if Wood tries anything again, Spike will kill him. But more importantly, she’ll let him. She says the mission is what matters, and walks away, leaving him there.

Buffy is taking care of Dawn, as Giles approaches. She gets up, moves to her room. Giles starts to explain again that this was for the greater good, and Buffy tells him that Wood failed. Giles says it doesn’t matter, she still needs to learn…

Buffy cuts him off, says she thinks he’s taught her everything she needs to know. And slams the door in his face.

End Show.