Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Previously on Buffy: Aw, c’mon. Let’s not worry about that. Let’s just move on to the episode. But it figures the time I finally decide to skip ’em, they’re only about forty seconds long.

Buffy and Angel are kissing. Then they stop. David Boreanaz looks a little cross-eyed here. Both actors blink a lot, leading me to believe that the fumes from the torches are getting to them. Or that they’re expressing some sort of emotion signified by blinkiness, which would be — um, I’m stumped, because I don’t think they’re crying. Buffy believes basking in Batboy’s blundering bathos is beneficial. Angel explains that he came to Sunnydale to deliver the Wolfram & Hart file; he and Buffy discuss the fact that she’s facing The First Evil, which is "raising an army." That must be Buffy’s shorthand for "I know The First has already gathered its army and it’s sitting right under the Hellmouth, and I know that the soldiers of that army don’t actually need to exit by the Seal since we encountered some übervamps in the sewers last week, and frankly I’m baffled as to why The First hasn’t acted yet, or why it scared off all the Sunnydale residents, or why it led me right to a weapon it had uncovered but knew it couldn’t use, but we don’t have time to discuss all that and I’m all lightheaded from the kissing, so I’ll just say it’s raising an army." Angel’s about to hand over the Wolfram & Hart file when Caleb jumps up and punches him really hard with a statue of a cat. Perhaps it’s cat-goddess Bast? Angel and the file both go skidding across the floor, which looks funny in slo-mo because Angel’s legs wave around like he’s dancing on his stomach. Oh, and I was slo-moing there to see what Caleb hit Angel with, because I thought it was a model horse-head, which seemed like a very, very odd decorating choice for an Egyptian-style tomb. Caleb has a black, yucky pudding-like substance running out his eyes, and he sounds like his mouth is full of it too when he yells at Buffy, "Are you weady to fwinish this? Bwitch!" I’m assuming that’s a rhetorical question and Caleb isn’t going to pull out his Franklin Covey Day Planner (tastefully bound in the tanned skin of innocents and accessorized with a cunning demon-skull charm) if Buffy replies she isn’t, in fact, ready to finish this. "Well, bitch, I don’t think I’ll be available at one, because I have a lunch meeting with The Great Satan, but I might be able to squeeze you in before my 4 PM hot stone massage. Those übervamps really know their pressure points!" Buffy looks surprised that The Vessel of The First, whom she only vaguely slashed across the stomach, might not have been dead after all. Should’ve saved the kissing for post-dismemberment of your enemies, Buffy.

Credits. Aw. Now I’m blinking a lot. I do find it a little strange even now, though, that the credits this season end on a shot of First Buffy, rather than real Buffy.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer": Now from the e-mail I received I know many of you loved the series finale of "Buffy," so please remember that even if we don’t agree, we can still be friends. Here’s how I’ve been summing up the series finale: good, not great. Liked it, didn’t love it. Wasn’t enough for me, don’t know if anything would have been. There was a lot to love in the series finale of "Buffy." Angel’s poignant and humorous (his petulance about having a soul first was hysterical) return, Spike’s crude drawing of Angel on his punching bag (and calling him "tall, dark and forehead" ), Andrew’s Academy Award-like speech, Giles uttering the phrase "The earth is definitely doomed" (he said the exact same thing at the end of "The Harvest" ), the slayerettes getting backbones, Willow’s magic having the opposite effect on her ("Oh my goddess" indeed), and the final shot of Buffy standing in the glaring sunlight as a smile slowly came over her face. I loved that the ending was big and dramatic, with Buffy leaping buildings as they crashed in her wake and Sunnydale being destroyed. I didn’t even mind the reaction (or lack thereof) to Anya’s death. I remember when I first watched "Buffy," I was upset by Willow, Xander, and Buffy’s nonchalant reaction to Jesse’s death. But this is the very essence of the show — the humor with the tragedy, so the quippy one-liners about the mall being destroyed was in keeping with the tempo of the show. After all, they all went into battle knowing they could die.

So what didn’t I like? Glad you asked. I think it needed to be two hours. After weeks of mostly talk and little action, the episode felt rushed. And as much as I enjoyed the scene between Faith and Principal Wood, I couldn’t help thinking, "Stop wasting valuable time on characters who aren’t in the opening credits." I needed more scenes between the four central characters. The scene in the high school between Buffy, Willow, Xander and Giles came close, but wasn’t enough. I really needed more of a reconciliation between Giles and Buffy. And it really bugged me that Spike’s response to Buffy’s declaration of love was "No, you don’t, but thanks for saying so." I don’t believe Buffy was in love with Spike, but I do believe that she loved him (after all, by her own admission, he was in her heart. And there’s a strong argument to be made that they got together for one last shag the night before the final battle.) Did Spike say that to spare her? To free her? Or because he really didn’t believe it was true?

But we did see Spike disappear into that amulet, an amulet straight from Wolfram & Hart. They brought back Darla, so no doubt they can bring back Spike (perhaps as a human?) so he and Angel can "wrastle it out" (and I sure wouldn’t mind if there were oil involved). Other predictions: I think they kept Andrew alive for a reason, beside the obvious poignancy in his "why didn’t I die?" line. My guess is he’ll be one of the first residents of Sunnydale to stop by "Angel."