Buffy The Vampire Slayer

"CHOSEN" Written by Joss Whedon (with special bonus scenes by his mentally deficient iguana, Sparky)

We pick up where we left off, and Buffy and Angel break the kiss. Angel says he guesses that qualifies as happy to see him. I think it qualifies as a lot of things, such as poor taste, truly contrived, and audience manipulation, but that’s nothing new. Buffy wants him to stop it, as she just wants to bask. (At this point I expect Dawn to pop in and offer up the fact that she happens to know Basque.) They smile at each other, warm and giddy, and then Buffy inquires as to what Angel is doing there. He says he’s certainly not saving the damsel in distress, and she agrees that she’s not much for damseling. Of course not, Buffy, that’s Spike’s job this season. Angel pulls an accordion file out of his ass (okay, from a corner), and says that he has coverage on the whole situation, and that it needs a third act. Oh, Angel, not if it’s going the way this teaser is. Buffy says Angel has to leave L.A., and here’s our first brush with bad dialogue. I mean, I read that, and thought, "Why does Angel need to get out of L.A.? Is the danger going to spread? Does Buffy want him to make a break for Canada?" I had to reread it about five times before figuring out she was cracking a joke about screenplays. Hahahaha! Not. But, no, it gets worse. You’ll see.

Angel says it’s the First, the one that got him to try to kill himself, right? Oh, way to make it all about you. Want another crack at him, Firstie? Buffy explains that it is raising an army, and Angel starts to say something….when he gets whacked across the head with a beam by Caleb, sending him flying across the room. Caleb’s eyes are dark and he’s dripping blood. His voice seems to come from everywhere, and he asks if Buffy is ready to finish this, bitch? Okay, Caleb, one point for adequate character assessment, but no point for predictably getting back up after being gutted. One point for whacking Angel across the head, but no point for the lame otherworldly voice. *** Caleb and Buffy fight, Angel is out cold, and Spike is just watching I guess. Caleb calls Buffy a stupid girl, and says she’ll never defeat him, she doesn’t have the b….What? Brains? Bordellos? Barcaloungers? You don’t think it could be *balls* do you? I really doubt that it’s balls. I mean, ME likes to be subtle with the pseudo-feminist references. Buffy arcs the blade back and swings it right up between Caleb’s legs. Charming. No more Barcaloungers for you! Buffy asks who does nowadays, and slices Caleb in half. Angel manages to get up, pissed off, and starts looking around for Caleb. Buffy indicates the floor, and smiles "girlishly". Angel looks impressed. I am truly sickened. What happened to this show? I mean, last season we had Warren and his "orbs", and now this? It makes me want to start an adopt-a-penis organization, just out of sympathy. Buffy makes a lame pun about Caleb having to split, and then snickers. Angel is justifiably unimpressed with the wordplay, but Buffy says she’s still glad he’s here.

Cut to Spike (hi Spike!). The First is talking to him, taunting, saying oh yeah, she needs Spike real bad. Spike chenches his jaw, and I’m now not sure if he’s hurt by the Buffy/Angel flirting, or the fact that he got involved with someone who likes to whack balls off and then smile "girlishly". Poor Spike.

Buffy goes through the papers, and says she’ll have the group look into them to determine if there is anything new. She wonders if they came from a reliable source, and Angel says definitely not. He also gives her the amulet, and she indicates that she doesn’t have anything that will go with that. Ahh, the "women like clothes" jokes. Those never get old. Angel says it’s not for her. "Splainy?" Buffy asks. What??? Splainy? Good lord, Willow and Ricky Ricardo gave birth to a demon, and it took over Buffy’s body! Angel explains that the amulet is very powerful and probably dangerous, that it has a purifying power and it bestows strength when worn by the right person, according to the translation. Angel, I don’t think that’s the translation for "Deus Ex Machina". Buffy wants to know who the right person is. Angel says someone with a soul, but superhuman - a champion. Meaning him. Okay, two things: One, God, he couldn’t leave that word on his own show, could he? And two, meaning him? Angel now has 2 self-absorption points. I’m keeping a tally. Angel says he doesn’t know enough about it to risk her wearing it, and she has the "axe thingie", anyway. OK, finding it really hard to believe that Angel is over two centuries old, a pretty fair representative of Death, reads Sartre in French, and doesn’t know what a god damn scythe is.

Angel says he’s with Buffy in this fight. Spike makes his way out. Yeah, I really don’t blame him. But Spike, come back, or you’ll miss the truly stellar dialogue! I think Sparky is about to take over!

SPARKY: Huh? It’s my turn? I really just wanted to bask on my hot rock and maybe… JOSS: No, I can’t handle the emotional intensity here. You do it. SPARKY: Can’t Marti… JOSS: No! Do it or no zucchini for you!

Buffy looks at Angel warmly and says no, he can’t be in this fight. She can’t risk him, she needs him gone. Someone should really market some Angel Raid, considering the number of times people ask him to go away. Angel wants to know why.

Buffy explains that if she loses, she’s going to need a second front to stop it. Besides, this is her fight. Angel wants to know what the other reason is. She starts to head out, and he calls after her, "Is it Spike?" Buffy stops, not really wanting to look Angel in the eyes. Angel says he remembers Spike’s scent pretty well. Oh, my. Well, there’s one for the slashers. If you read fanfic, you know that Spike smells like leather, tobacco, and whisky. Whereas Buffy smells like vanilla. Does Angel have a smell? I think we need to come up with one for him, something poetic and evocative. "Spike inhaled Angel’s scent of asphalt and jellybeans, as he pressed his lips to his sire’s pale chest. ’Oh, Spike,’ Angel whispered, and placed his hand on Spike’s glistening…." You want more, don’t you? Too bad!

Buffy opines that the whole smelling people thing is a bit gross, but Angel presses on, wanting to know if Spike is her boyfriend. Hahaha. Boyfriend. I want him to ask if they are "going steady" next. "Is that your business?" Buffy asks. Angel asks if she’s in love with him, and Buffy can’t answer. He feels like he’s being thrown a curveball here, after all, it’s Spike. Buffy says it’s different, he has a soul now. Oh, great. Has anyone counted the number of times she has said that, and does it beat out "From Beneath You, It Devours" out as the most irritatingly repetitive line this season?

Angel starts to get pissy, and mumbles to himself about everyone having a soul.

ANGEL SELF-ABSORPTION TALLY: 3

Buffy asks what, is he pissed? Angel says he started it, the soul thing, before it was all cool …

ANGEL SELF-ABSORPTION TALLY: 4

Buffy asks if Angel is twelve. He says getting the brush off in favor of Captain Peroxide doesn’t make him feel like a champion…

ANGEL SELF-ABSORPTION TALLY: 5

…and Buffy says it would just be confusing having the two of them there. She wonders if he’s going to come and get all Dawson on her every time she has a boyfriend. He latches on to that word…

ANGEL SELF-ABSORPTION TALLY: 6

… and Buffy says no, Spike’s not, but…"he is in my heart". Angel sarcastically states that that will end well, and Buffy bitches back the question of whether the highlight of her relationship with Angel was him breaking up with her or her killing him. I liked both, Buffy. They relax, no longer fighting.

Buffy says she’s quite aware of her history with guys, and she doesn’t foresee fat grandkids with Spike, but some things are starting to make sense. Given the gene pool here, Buffy, and the fact that both you and Spike are sticks, I don’t foresee it either. She thinks that maybe things never worked because they weren’t supposed to. Angel wonders if she means because she is the Slayer. Buffy says it’s because she’s cookie dough. She’s not done baking yet, and she’s been looking for someone to make her whole, whereas she should just *be* whole. Maybe one day she’ll realize she’s ready, she’s cookies. And then if she wants some one to eat her…or enjoy cookie-her, that’ll be then, when she’s done.

*cough* Yeah. That’s really the conversation. I know, I know. I can’t even parody that, it parodies itself. Buffy is a half-baked cookie, Angel is the fifth grader who wants to eat said cookie, Spike got his fingers stuck in the dough, and Joss was completely baked while writing this, which is why he’s blaming it on the iguana.

Angel asks if she has any idea who…he really doesn’t want to go with the cookie analogy. Buffy says she doesn’t think that far ahead. Angel understands, and hands her the amulet. Says he’ll get to work on the second front, and rests his hand on hers for a moment before starting off. Buffy says sometimes…she does think that far ahead. Angel says that sometimes is something. Buffy explains that it would be a long time coming, years, if ever. Angel smiles, says he’s not getting any older, and leaves.

BUFFY: Keep your willie in your pants, Angel, cause maybe five years from now, when I’m done cooking, I’ll touch it! Or lob it off with a scythe, I haven’t decided. ANGEL: Fantastic! Now I have to get back to the woman I…. A large piano drops onto Angel, crushing him. JOSS: Great! Cameo over! Good job, Sparky!

Note: No, that is actually not the end of Act 1. But Act I is loooong. And I am long-winded.

Buffy comes back home, looking contemplative. Hmm, what was it Angel smelled like again? Tar and blueberries? Dollar bills and freesia? Anya is massaging Xander’s head in the dining room, and Willow, Giles, and Dawn are there as well. Dawn comes up and kicks Buffy in the shin, calling her a dumbass, and Buffy says if Dawn gets herself killed, she’s telling. Oh, maturity at it’s finest. First we have Angel and Buffy acting like junior high students, and now there is shin-kicking and tattling. Willow wants to know if Buffy found out anything about the scythe, and Buffy says proudly that she used it to slice Caleb in half. Maybe she smiles "girlishly" again here. One can dream. Xander quips that there’s a party in his eye socket and everyone is invited. Oh, Xander, no. Your story arc is in there! There’s not enough room. Buffy says yeah, she did get some history on the scythe, and she also got some files and the amulet from Angel. And a hickey. Okay, she doesn’t say that, but I want her to. She says she sent him back to L.A. to prepare in case they fail. Then she heads down to the basement. Spike is sitting there shirtless, and wonders where Angel is. Spike, do you *own* a shirt? I’m beginning to think that this soul came with a clause about feeling very uncomfortable in clothing. Buffy asks if Spike can smell him. Spike says no, he used his heightened vampire eyeballs to watch them kiss. Hee. Buffy says it was a hello, she was surprised. Ah, Buffy, that was lame, even for you. Spike snarks that most people don’t need tongue for that. She says there was no tongue, and she’s tired of the jealous vampire crap. Alright, I will buy that there was no tongue, since it seems to be stipulated in SMG’s contract that she’s not going to open her mouth while kissing. She kisses like a lockjaw victim with a mouthful of lemon sours. Spike says Angel wears lifts. Given Andromeda, I find that pretty funny. Buffy thinks maybe Spike and Angel should just fight it out. With the use of oil. And that’s two for the slashers! I hear from fanfic that oil makes excellent lube. Well, they also say that blood does, and various other liquids. Hey, can someone write me a slash fic that uses Fruitopia as lube? Or better yet, cookie dough.

Spike asks where the amulet is, and says he should have it. Yeah, he left after that part, and before the baking analogies. Buffy hedges a bit, saying that she doesn’t know what it is, it could be dangerous. And that it’s meant to be worn by a champion. I’m banging my head against my keyboard now - apparently Angel’s presence on the show has infected it with that word. It’s a horrid disease, I tell you.

Spike deflates, and then Buffy hands it to him. He is flattered as he takes her meaning. He says no one has ever called him that before, and she says she wants him to be careful. Spike examines it, noting its power. Go ahead and flip it over, Spike, I bet it is wrapped in foil and has a chocolate center. Mmmm, candy jewelry. You guys remember those necklaces made out of sugary discs? Those were cool. Tasted terrible, but still.

Buffy says that Faith is still in her room, and Spike says no way, she can’t buy him off like that, he does have *some* pride. Ahh, Spike, I love you, but you *so* do not. Buffy says she understands, and starts to make her way back upstairs. Spike says no, she doesn’t, or she’d have known the whole thing about having pride was a bluff. "Oh thank God," she says, relieved. He doesn’t know what he’d have done if she’d actually gone back upstairs. She touches his face. "Let’s not find out."

Buffy lies wrapped in Spike’s arms, both of them clothed enough to indicate that there was no sex. It’s really specified in the script. I mean, what, did they think that JM and SMG were just going to start going at it despite the stage directions? Spike’s asleep, but Buffy can’t seem to get there. Read act 2, Buffy. She strokes Spike’s hand, and eventually gets up and heads toward the window, gazing out at the moon. The First appears as Caleb, and starts yammering about his army of vamps, and how she and her teenagers can’t stop them. Buffy thinks that the First, being incorporeal, should come up with a cool name like "The Taunter". Finally! I mean, really, why is anyone afraid of this thing? The vampires, sure, but the lameness of this BB is truly transcendent. Yeah, I said transcendent, Joss, take it and stick it.

The First says when the army takes over, the scales will tip and he will be made flesh. Buffy says she’s not afraid, and then the first asks why she’s not asleep in her dead lover’s arms, then? Buffy looks over at Spike, but doesn’t answer. Cause she didn’t get any sex, maybe? I’m still pouting. The First says it’s because he can’t help her, nor can Faith or her friends. He morphs into Buffy and starts to give the "Into every generation, a Slayer is born" speech. She’s alone, she’ll die alone. Buffy says he’s right. Spike suddenly calls out "I’m drowning in footwear!" Hahaha. Okay, one of the few things that made me laugh intentionally. He asks her what’s wrong. Buffy says she just realized something, something she hadn’t thought of before. They’re gonna win.

In Buffy’s bedroom, there seems to be an impromptu meeting between Buffy, Faith, Xander, Willow, Giles, Dawn, and Anya. Buffy still has the scythe. You know, if you keep touching your surrogate penis, Buffy, you might go blind. Buffy is asking if everyone thinks her plan is a good idea. Giles says it flies in the face of everything every generation has done to fight evil…and he thinks it’s brilliant. Are we making up for being a traitorous bastard, Giles? For some reason, I’m still ticked that everything was just all fine and dandy after the big kick-Buffy-out-of-the-house scene. Maybe it’s just me. SPARKY: It’s not just you! JOSS: Shut up, Sparky! SPARKY: Well, whatever happened to the Beljoxa’s eye thing? And whatever devours from beneath, and Spike’s soul, and Faith, and why was Angel even there? JOSS: I have lots of power shots to make up for it.

Giles asks if Buffy really wants his opinion, and she says she really does. Awww, isn’t that…something. Willow says wait, she’s the one who is going to have to pull it off. Oh, you just know Kennedy wants her to, literally. Giles trusts Willow, but Willow expresses some doubts as to her ability, it’s loss of control and not in that "nice, wholesome, my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue way". That was for you, friendly Kennedy/Willow shipper person who commented! A few more supportive comments about Willow’s ability, and Dawn speculating on getting her tongue pierced. Buffy puts Dawn on research duty, saying she should have been in Oxnard. Anya says that she and Xander should go assemble the cannon fodder. Hey! I named an SiT that in one of my early parodies! I want credit. Now. Buffy hands the scythe over to Willow such that she can read its energy. I am really starting to hate that scythe. Yeah, sure, at first I thought "Cool, death symbolism," but now it seems that all it amounts to is some orgasmic security blanket for girls.

VOICE OVER: Are menstrual difficulties plaguing your life? Try new "Weapon of Death" brand tampons. They not only absorb, they empower.

Buffy is talking to the assembled girls in the living room. She says she never had a choice, she was Chosen. But that it’s up to all of them to make their own choices. Tomorrow, she is going to open the seal, go into the Hellmouth, and finish it once and for all. She needs everyone who will help, if they make that choice. Eh. I just find myself not caring very much. At least the lame cookie analogy was amusing. EAT ME!

Faith and Wood are in the high school basement, blocking off different means of escape for the Ubies. Faith says she is sorry she came across like she was blowing him off the other day…it’s just that she was blowing him off. Hee, okay, Faith got a laugh out of me. That’s rare. Have I ever mentioned that I hate Faith more than an abscessed toothache? She says that after she has sex with a guy, she figures there’s not much else to know about him. Go fondle the scythe, Faith, that’s all you need to know. Wood says some guys might surprise her. Faith says no, one a guy looks at her, her priorities shift. Wood says because she’s hot, and Faith agrees. Wood says he’s prettier than she is. Faith looks shocked. Wood says their little experience wasn’t exactly earth-changing, and Faith gets incredulous. He says with a little more experience she could really…and Faith gets pissed, starting to pull of her shirt to prove to make him give her a little respect. Oh, the irony. I’d quip more, but I am actually liking Faith here. Problem is, she keeps saying "yo" a lot. I mean, yo? Wood stops her and says that if they live through this, she should give him a chance to surprise her. Faith agrees. Oh, goodie. He can take her to his garage full of creepy crosses and they can argue about who is prettier.

Willow and Kennedy are talking, and Willow says she is relying on Kennedy. Kennedy says she’ll keep her grounded, and Willow says no, she means kill her, if things get ugly. Kennedy says no way that’s going to happen, and besides, Buffy believes in her. Willow says Buffy is sweet but not that bright. Ouch. Shut up, Willow. I hate Buffy as much as anyone, but you’re supposed to be her friend, whereas I am not. Kennedy says she’d have called Buffy out if she didn’t make sense, that she knows she (Kennedy) is a brat, but that Willow will make it through this. They kiss.

Giles and Xander are mapping out battle strategies in the dining room. Other Potentials are present. Pan to see Andrew, sitting there in a red cloak and reading from a rule book. Turns out they are playing D&D. Some funny quips about the game, and Giles says he wishes he could sleep. Amanda wonders who could sleep on a night like this? Well, I certainly could. Just speak to me of nebulous battle plans and play around a bit more with love triangles. The shot widens to show Anya, snoring away at the table. Xander pats her on the head and says "Only the crazy ones". Awww, that was kinda sweet. Too bad it all gets ruined later.

Dawn is sitting with a bunch of potentials in her bedroom. She’s telling stories about Buffy - the Master and her first death. She says to stop worrying, Buffy always saves the day. This from Judas herself? I am getting more and more confused about continuity. I think the writers all threw a bunch of ideas into a hat, pulled some out, used them, and didn’t bother to connect anything. Oh, wait, maybe it’s like "Go" or "The Wizard of Oz". I’m sure it’ll all make sense when time goes wonky.

Buffy stands on the front porch and looks worried and alone. After a while, she heads inside. I assume this was our shoot report scene. Well, that was thrilling.

In the basement, Spike sits on the bed, staring at the amulet, thinking. Hmm. Maybe he should rub it and make three wishes?

1. I wish clothes would adhere to my body. 2. I wish for my balls back. 3. I wish to have a large role on AtS next season, even if I die a tragic death.

He gets up as Buffy comes in. They both stand on opposite sides of the room, looking at each other. And, the hell now? This is all of the scene. Here it is, night, and Buffy and Spike are having a staring contest. All of a sudden it’s day in the next scene. I can see where people think something is missing.

OK, so, it’s day. Wood and the girls head into the high school, apparently out of some buses. Hee, I’ll bet they are short buses. Inside, Buffy gives directions. The potentials are to follow Spike and Faith to the basement. Willow and Kennedy go to Wood’s office. Wood points out the three areas in which the Ubies can break out of the building. Wood and Giles take one, Xander and Dawn another, Anya and Andrew the third. Andrew begins to read from a paper about how thankful he is to die for this cause, giving a shout out to his brother Tucker. Anya drags him off. Dawn heads off to check out the layout.

Giles, Buffy, Willow and Xander are left - the original four. I am sure some will love this, but I have never been a fan of the "Core Four". It means nothing to me. Buffy asks what they want to do tomorrow. Xander suggests mini-golf, and Buffy shopping. Willow brings up a new mall store. Buffy mentions her shoe craving. They separate, and there’s another shot of Willow, Buffy, and Xander walking down the hall together in slo-mo before peeling off. I think there might be some American Singles attached to my script here *attempts to brush off the cheese*.

Buffy comes down into the basement. There’s music and she’s hearing key phrases from her past in her head. Looks like the cheese stuck. Resilient stuff. Spike’s there at the end of the hall, waiting for her. She gets to the edge of the seal, where the potentials and Faith are. They slice their hands, dripping their blood onto the seal.

In Wood’s office, Willow and Kennedy prepare the spell.

Back downstairs, Spike mentions to Buffy that it doesn’t feel like the amulet is doing anything. Besides, he looks like Elizabeth Taylor. Buffy says she’s not worried. They look down, and there’s a cavern filled with thousands of Ubies. Buffy repeats that she’s not worried…Buffy closes her eyes, muttering under her breath that Willow needs to do it now. She’s not worried, as long as Willow can work the spell before they are seen…

Too late. The Ubies charge.

So, I guess this will be our big battle sequence? Why was this act so long, when it had so little, and tied up *nothing*? Don’t ask me.

SPARKY: Want some zucchini? JOSS: No, don’t offer her treats. She is ripping on my masterpiece. BUBONIC: To steal another joke from my friend, Angel is a wanker, the Scoobies are nonessential, Buffy is a cookie, and Spike is toast. Where’s the impressive finale? SPARKY: Even Wrongda didn’t seem keen. BUBONIC: I kinda lost patience after having to type up act 2 three damn times. It’s not worth it. JOSS: Can we get a commercial here?

VOICE OVER: Do you miss your love, but want to get rid of her current? Come to Amulets R Us. We have tons of flashy jewelry that the bad boys love to wear, and will request upon mention. Guaranteed to burn him up in the next apocalypse, while you get away clean and clear, all ready for five years down the road.

Back in the cavern, the girls are terrified. Yeah, there are supposed to be thousands, or something. Since that report I have had images of six guys yelling "Grr!" in front of a green screen, and it makes me laugh. Anyway, the army of Ubies is approaching. Buffy whispers to Willow…And, is this telepathic or not? I dunno. I have no idea if she’s just wishing for the spell or if she has a connection, so don’t ask me later. Frankly, I don’t care. Willow and Kennedy are still in the office. Willow’s mumbling under her breath, and Kennedy speaks her name. Willow shoots Kennedy a "shut up" look. Oh, is that all it took? Dammit, I have been shooting "shut up" looks since FD. Never worked for me.

Buffy and Faith start to think about retreat…That word makes me think of Bible Retreat. Not to mock the religious, or those who aren’t, but Bible Retreat is damn funny.

SCHOOLKID 1: So, I was thinking about making a Popsicle stick person into Jesus. TEACHER: Oh, yes, that sounds good. SCHOOLKID 2: Those colors are wrong! He grabs the Popsicle Jesus and beats Schoolkid one over the head with it.

In the office, Willow suddenly tenses up. "Oh…my…goddess". Kennedy gets slammed by a force. I think said force must have been the realization of how crappy this has been so far.

Flashback to more of Buffy’s speech to the Potentials. She asks, what if they change the rules? From now on, every girl who could have been a Slayer will be. They’ll have strength they never dreamed of. And they will have each other. She asks them to make their choice - are they ready to be strong? This goes on forever, and I don’t feel like summing it up any more than I have. Whee, girl power, yay.

VOICE OVER: When you move to college, you will note that every girl in the dormitory begins her cycle at the same time. This is normal. But, be sure to use "Weapon of Death" brand tampons. They’ll bake your dough, and if you light them on fire, they are a powerful tool against the forces of Evil. Go, girls!

In the present, Kennedy’s eyes flicker with power. It’s hard and soft, like a first orgasm. It really says that. In the script. The first orgasm thing. I don’t even want to comment.

In India, a girl gets hit with the power, falling to the floor.

In an inner city school, an African-american girl leans against her locker, looking puzzled. Forget the combination?

In a trailer, a girl stops a guy from hitting her - it won’t be happening again.

In a Japanese home, a girl breaks away from the dinner table, a little unsteady. The cynical part of me wants to compare what time it is in Sunnydale to what time it actually is in Japan, since I have an ex who lives there.

On a baseball diamond, a girl who is batting suddenly feels the power and readies her stance.

In Chicago, a girl suddenly feels nauseous, and wishes she’d never watched season seven.

In the cavern, Faith and Buffy smile at each other. Faith asks if Buffy feels that, and Buffy says she really does. The Ubies rush, and the Slayers beat them back. Spike is doing the same, holding his own.

In the office, Kennedy is still giddy. She recovers enough to notice Willow, who has changed, bathed in white light, her hair turned white. She is weeping. After a moment, she returns to normal, spent. Kennedy calls her a goddess. Willow calls Kennedy a Slayer. She tosses Kennedy the scythe, telling her to take it to Buffy.

Back in the cavern, Kennedy tosses Buffy the scythe, and they all fight with the newfound power. We go to slo-mo. Again? Buffy swings through the vamps, demolishing them. Faith, too. A few make it to the back and climb up the seal.

In the atrium, Dawn and Xander wait. Xander tells Dawn she’s in his blind spot. Great. Xander has been reduced to eye jokes.

Andrew and Anya are in the other hall. Anya says she’s terrified, she just thought he would be terrified and she’d be sarcastic about it. Andrew mentions calming things, and eventually, bunnies. Anya’s eyes narrow. She brings her sword up, no longer afraid.

Giles and Wood hold off vamps in their hall.

Anya and Andrew fight off the vamps, but bringers come up from behind.

Spike is fighting, but becomes a bit distracted by the amulet. He calls for Buffy, but she is fighting. He drops to his knees, wrenched by pain.

Buffy and Faith keep fighting. A sword slices into Buffy’s stomach, and she falls down. Faith tackles the vamp behind Buffy as she falls.

Not so much with the funny this act. I’m getting tired. And bored. And the next one kills me.

No more jokes. This last act is a straight summary for those who requested it. Xander swings a sword, getting beaten back by Ubies, and Dawn pulls the shade down from the skylight dusting them. Another Ubie gets ready to attack Xander..

The bringers drive Anya and Andrew apart. They are separated into different halls. A Bringer comes up behind Anya, stabbing her repeatedly as she falls to the ground, dead.

Faith makes her way to Buffy, who is still alive. She hands Faith the scythe. Starts going nuts on the Ubies.

Searing pain is coursing through Spike. He tosses away a vamp and clutches his stomach.

Faith tosses the scythe to Rona, who is being swarmed by Ubies. Buffy’s injured and her vision is blurred - Amanda falls before her, dead.

A couple of nameless Slayers die, and Buffy finds herself face to face with the First. It taunts her, and she tells it to get out of her face, pulling herself up on her hands. The First looks worried. Buffy rises, and Rona tosses her the scythe. Buffy swings and kills five ubies with one blow. The girls force them back

Spike stumbles on the seal opening. Energy suddenly shoots up through him, up, up, up, through the office. Willow sees, says she didn’t do that. The energy breaks through the ceiling, letting sunlight pour down. Spike is pinned. Pain and something else is building within him. He calls for Buffy, and she races to him, calling back, but has to dive away as a "ray of pure, soulful sunlight blasts out of the amulet and into the cavern". All the Ubies are immediately dusted, and the walls start to crumble.

Faith yells for everyone to get out. Buffy comes to Spike, the energy still pouring from him. "I can feel it, Buffy," he says. She asks what. "My soul. It’s there. Kinda stings."

The Slayers still run for the entrance. Giles and Wood are ushering them onto the bus. Kennedy helps Willow, Dawn helps Xander as Xander calls for Anya. But her body is hidden by the bodies of Bringers. A girl grabs Andrew, pulling him out as he asks why…

Buffy is still with Spike. He tells her to go on. Buffy says he’s done enough, he can still…He stops her. He says no, she started it, it’s for him to do the cleanup. Faith calls for Buffy from the entrance. Everything is falling all around them. Spike tells Buffy that its time for her to move. Buffy says his name one more time, and he says he means it. He has to do this. His hand is held up, in pain, and she takes it in hers. Both of their hands burst into flame, and they ignore it, just looking at each other. "I love you," Buffy says . A moment passes, and Spike smiles kindly. "No you don’t. But thanks for saying it." There’s another big quake.

"It’s your world up there…now go," he yells at her. She looks back at him, then runs. Spike looks up at the destruction, and smiles. "I wanna see how it ends."

Outside, Wood starts up the school bus, and then peels away. Dawn is standing there looking for Buffy.

Buffy is trapped inside, nowhere to go but up the stairs.

Spike still smiles, as the power eats away from within him. The world falls away as he dies. Yes, it says that. He dies.

The bus moves on. Faith is helping Wood’s wound. Giles is helping Rona. Andrew is alone, wondering why it wasn’t he who died. Xander tends a Potential. Dawn looks out the back windows, and Buffy is running to catch the falling bus, buildings collapsing everywhere.

The bus makes it out of Sunnydale. Buffy and Dawn hug. Xander asks Andrew what he saw, and Andrew says she was incredible, dying to save his life. Xander puts his hand on Andrew’s shoulder, and says, " That’s my girl, always doing the stupid thing."

Faith checks out Wood, making sure he is okay. Suddenly, he’s still, as if dead, but then he coughs. "Surprise," he says.

At the edge of the Hellmouth, Giles looks out and says he doesn’t understand what did this. "Spike," Buffy says. Everyone is milling about near the crater. Giles says there is another Hellmouth in Cleveland, and Xander says they saved the world. Willow clarifies that they *changed* the world. She can feel Slayers awakening everywhere. Dawn says they have to find them, and Willow says they will.

Giles mentions the mall, and that there’s no hope of getting there tomorrow. Xander mourns the loss of the stores - no more Gap or Starbucks or Toys R Us. Giles says there’s a lot of work ahead, and Faith offers to push him into the crater. Willow asks Buffy what she wants to do. Faith says yeah, Buffy has to live like a person now. Dawn asks what they will do, as well. Close on Buffy, as she looks at the crater. A small smile creeps up on her lips.

End show.