Buffy The Vampire Slayer

When my daughter was a freshman in high school, one of her teachers asked the students to use the characters from “Friends” to help understand the lesson. My daughter had to explain she’d never seen the show. What surprised me was that all the other kids had. And that the teacher was shocked my daughter had not.

It’s not that I have anything against “Friends.” I enjoyed the show when it aired, and have watched it in reruns. But not with my two teens.

The study stating that viewing certain TV shows is linked to increased risk of pregnancy requires careful reading. Any research worth its salt has to rule out other factors that might cause the results. For example, were the teens who watched “Sex and the City” and “Friends” left at home alone more often because their parents needed to work? Family income was just one of the factors not considered.

Nevertheless, I believe that in the absence of other input, television shows that promote the idea that sex is easy and without consequences can be influential. I think it’s up to us as parents to counter what they see, or at least try to explain our own moral beliefs. Believe me, I know: That’s not always easy or comfortable.

My children and I are big fans of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and its spin-off “Angel.” Both shows depict teenagers in a sexual way, and I knew this before we began watching them together on DVD.

In one episode, the main character has sex on her 17th birthday with a man several years older. (He also happens to be a vampire, but that’s beside the point.) I strongly voiced my opinion that this was a mistake, and the outcome ended up to be terrible for the girl. Later, two mature 18-year-olds had sex (before the world was supposed to end, but again, beside the point.) I thought it was a tender and meaningful moment. My daughter, 15 at the time, asked me what the difference was between my reactions—why was one OK and the other not?

That launched a long discussion in which I had a chance to explain the nuances of sexual relationships, and why I have the opinions I do.

I know not all parents are as lucky as I am to have the time to be able to watch TV with their kids. And I happen to be fortunate to have two kids who seem to respect my opinions, even if they disagree with me. I guess my theory is that if you’re not there to answer their questions—or give them answers even before they ask—something or someone else will step in, for good or ill.