The sexual tension is as thick as soup, and I can barely sleep at night, waiting to see him again.

Will there be an exchanged look? A shared moment in the break room? Even - oh my gosh, I’m getting heart palpitations - a quick kiss in the parking lot?

Not for me, of course. I am a happily married person. My concern is for Jim and Pam, characters on the TV show The Office.

Apparently, people like me who watch TV and movies solely to agonize over the romantic lives of people who do not exist are called "shippers," as in "relationshippers."

It’s a heartbreaking hobby. On TV, there are always frustrating circumstances and misunder- standings that keep couples apart. It is my duty to sit and watch each week, sending positive energy their way. You can do it, Jack and Kate of Lost! (Curse you, Sawyer, for meddling.)

I’ve been this way since I first started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Buffy kept falling in love with vampires. Talk about drama! Sex and a stake! It was perfect. I was a shipper for life.

My disease has progressed to the point that I want everyone to get together and live happily ever after. Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter. Deanna Troi and Will Riker of Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Curse you, Worf, for meddling.) Britney and Kevin. Whitney and Bobby. Felicity and Ben. Scully and Mulder. Fonzie and Mrs. Cunningham. Odie and Garfield. Marcie and Peppermint Patty. Bert and Ernie. (Curse you, Grover, for meddling.)

I can’t pay attention to such details as plot or story anymore. For example, I hear The Office is funny. Is it? Maybe. I don’t know. I am too busy to notice, as I watch intently for the flicker of a smile between salesman Jim Halpert and receptionist Pam Beesley. Throw me a bone, Jim and Pam. I’ve been hoping and praying for three seasons now.

Of course, the person to whom I am married does not understand.

"I love you. Give me a kiss," he’ll demand while I am busy rooting for Sam and Diane to hook up on old episodes of Cheers.

"Get away from me," I’ll snap. "I’m busy with romance."