David Boreanaz

No disrespect, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fans, but David Boreanaz is one of those of those actors who, if he hadn’t gotten his big break on the small screen, couldn’t sniff a role as a lead in a theatrical feature. His eyes limpid pools of sensitive-guy yearning, his chest properly Soloflex-toned, Boreanaz is most successful because he’s an empty vessel for (mostly female) audience projection. Absent a compelling serial arc, though, or a strong authorial presence in the form of puppet master like Joss Whedon, you’re left with nothing more than a blank canvas, as the wan, butt-baring, Canadian sexual comedy These Girls evidences.

Provincial girls Keira St. George (Caroline Dhavernas) and baseball-loving Jesus freak Lisa McDougall (Holly Lewis) catch their friend Glory Lorraine (Amanda Walsh) in the sack one evening with Keith Clark (Boreanaz), a scruffy, married pot-grower with a young infant and a wife whose night-shift schedule as a nurse affords him plenty of unsupervised recreational time. Their own burgeoning sexual curiosity piqued, they each in turn seduce Keith. Glory finds out and is furious, but the three eventually find salvaged accord in a unique “joint custody” program in which they share bed time with him.

Written and directed by John Hazlett, These Girls ascribes arbitrary traits to its characters, particularly the underwritten Keith, who wows one girl by... pulling a knife on some 13-year-olds who are non-threateningly heckling another kid. Wow, how chivalrous! The movie tries to mine comedy from Keith’s sexual weariness, but it doesn’t really work. The fetching Dhavernas (who would also turn in good work in the unfortunately short-lived Wonderfalls) is by far the best of the three actresses, but none of them really convincingly pass for teenagers - the use of posed cigarettes and retainers for props notwithstanding - and horrible voiceover narration only further highlights the parade of obviousness already on display. A desultory score is credited to Ned Bouhalassa, Peter Hay and Polo, though pop act Tegan and Sara’s “Walking with a Ghost” provides a pinch of vibrancy, however brief. What else... oh, right, the butt-baring. Yes, Boreanaz drops reverse-trou at one point, and stands prone in his underwear another time. Didn’t do much for me personally, but there you have it, ladies.

The film is presented in a clear, 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, with no grain or discoloration that sometimes mar independent releases. English 2.0 stereo and English Dolby digital 5.1 audio mixes ably complement the visuals, but there are no additional bonus features, save some preview trailers for other Ardustry releases. D (Movie) C- (Disc)