Joss Whedon

So Phil and I are nearly positive that we won’t be having children, though not in the “NO WAY NEVER EVER” kind of way but more in the “Eh, I don’t think so, but life is long, so who knows?” kind of way, more like if you asked us right now, and told us we had to decide immediately, now or never, and the choice would not be ever offered again, we’d say never, but absent such a situation, we say unlikely, but not never.

So, walking out of the mall the other day, I inform Phil that I have come up with a new name in case we do have kids, since I am female and even though I have no plans to have children, of course I have had potential names picked out for years.

“Oh yeah?,” he says.

“Yeah. Remy.”

“Remy? Is that for a boy or a girl?”

“I dunno. Either. Whatever. I read it in a romance novel AND it’s Dr. Hadley’s name on House.”

“Oookay.”

So anyway, that leads to more discussion about names, continuing the whole way home and Internet, by the time I reach the end of this, you will understand why it is probably better than we just not.

“Fine, what would you pick?”

“I dunno. Jackson.”

“Oh, so now you like Jackson. You didn’t like it when I picked it!”

“Well, mine wouldn’t be after Jackson Browne, it would be after Dr. Jackson from Stargate.”

“That’s like my dad telling people my brother is named after John Kruk! HE’S NAMED AFTER OUR GRANDFATHER.”

Ok, Internet, if you think it is nerdy so far, brace yourselves, because it only gets worse.

“What about girls?”

“Andrea.”

“No.”

“Natalie.”

“No. What about Olivia?”

“Olivia Munn. That girl you hate from G4.”

“Oh, yeah. God. Gross. I hate her so much. Olive?”

“Too many Os.”

“It’s only got — oh, right, the last name. Well, no Bs either - B.O.”

“Samantha?”

“No. Hmm… We could name a kid Whedon!”

“Haha, yes, we could.”

“Or Mal!”

“Not Serenity, though. That’s a stripper name. So no Inara, either.”

“Echo? River? Not Buffy.”

“Definitely not Buffy.”

“We could name a kid Alpha and tell him he’s a bad seed.”

“I think our kids would hate us.”

“Yeah, definitely. Hi, we’re huge nerds. These are our kids Whedon, Firefly Serenity, River and Doctor Horrible.”

“Doctor Horrible Oriol?”

“And if he went to medical school, he’d be Dr. Doctor Horrible Oriol!!”

“Oh, god.”

“I’ve got it. I’ve GOT IT.”

“What?”

“First name: NPH.”

“NPH?”

“Yeah, we’d tell him that he was named after the most brilliant comedic comeback of all time!”

“I can see his life. Your parents named you NPH? Please don’t ask, also, I hate them.”

“We could dress him in little suits! His first words could be “suit up!” I want some… wait for it… milk!”

“I don’t think we should have kids.”

****

That happened this past weekend. Today, I got a text message from Phil saying, “I think that Olive Oriol would be a great name, the more I think about it.” If I get knocked up, Internet, you heard the name here first. Unless it’s a boy. Then we’re naming it NPH.