Dollhouse

This year my Christmas came a few days early.

I came into work late last week to find my desk buried beneath a mountain of envelopes and packages.

Excavation uncovered some delightful unexpected surprises: DVD screeners previewing new and returning Fox (and one FX) series I was particularly looking forward to.

It amounted to seven hours’ viewing time, which I happily crammed into a single Sunday, prompting my spouse to comment in passing, "You have the best job in the world."

I could not disagree.

Hour One: Dollhouse

This one was of particular interest, given a) the long absence of fan-favourite fantasist Joss (Buffy) Whedon from our TV screens, and b) the characteristic abuse heaped upon him by a meddling and trigger-happy Fox network (one word: Firefly).

The resulting pilot shows aspects of both: a nifty concept, sporadically witty dialogue, a way-cool set (Whedon is as masterfully visual as he is verbal) ... and several glaringly dumbed-down story issues he clearly had to compromise on to even get the thing on the air.

I will not spoil it for you, except to warn you of one particular, ludicrously coincidental plot point that will cause you to spout whatever beverage you are drinking out through your nose (in my case hot coffee – it wasn’t pretty).

I also worry about lead actor Eliza Dushku, who is supposed to be playing a radically different character every week, for which I seriously doubt she has the range.

Apparently, one of these will be a 60-year-old woman and it’s a pretty safe bet it ain’t gonna be another Brad Pitt in Benjamin Button.

There is also the show’s unfortunate resemblance to the quickly cancelled My Own Worst Enemy.

Of all my Sunday screeners, this is the one we’ll have the longest wait for, debuting in its Friday-night "death slot," with a relocated Terminator as its lead-in, on Feb. 13.

That’s Friday the 13th.

I’m just saying.

Hour Two: Damages

I have to admit, I kind of lost track of all but the most salient plot points of last season’s incredible debut run. But I can certainly see where the second picks up and what it resolves, then opens back up again, then turns around and makes us doubt what we thought we had all figured out.

That, and even more compelling performances from Glenn Close and especially Ted Danson – and yes, the ex-millionaire monster Frobisher is still alive and a changed man ... and that’s all you’re getting out of me.

Except that Showcase starts the second season Sunday, Jan. 18.

Hours Three through Six: 24

The electric train set under my TV tree: the first two, two-hour episodes of 24, to air with minimal commercial content Jan. 11 and 12.

Here’s what I can tell you without the threat of Jack Bauer coming over to my house and attaching a car battery to my privates:

It’s good. Damned good. A return to form after a troubled season. Lots of twisty turns, wonderfully transformed returning characters and equally wonderful new ones (Janeane Garofalo as a nervous FBI info-techie; stage actor Cherry Jones as the tough-but-fair U.S. president; our own Colm Feore as her conflicted "first gentleman").

And Jack’s first "You’re running out of time!" is about three hours in.

Hour Seven: Lie to Me

Wow. Tim Roth and Harvey Keitel (Life on Mars), both on TV. Throw in Michael Madsen and Steve Buscemi, that’s almost all the Reservoir Dogs.

Forget the resemblance to The Mentalist (uncanny perceptive skills), Monk (odd personality quirks) and House (unshaven and anti-social). The coolness factor here is facial forensics, the "micro-expressions" that give us away – and the hilarious real-life references (George W. Bush, O.J. Simpson) they use to illustrate them.

To be honest, there was an Hour Eight, a Global screener for Howie Mandel’s hidden-camera show, Howie Do It. But as you can imagine, that is a column unto itself.

And I’d hate to ruin this festive mood. Best of the season, folks.