Buffy The Vampire Slayer

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 05:54 AM
Esmerelda the Demon Killing Girl

*sniff*

I suppose all good things must come to an end.

And with the cancellation of our beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so, too, has the less-known, but equally loved Esmerelda the Demon Killing Girl passed on to the realm of shows no longer on the air. So it goes.

For a good percentage of you, you probably dont’ know what I’m talking about. (Well, that’s generally the case half the time anyway. ) This time, though, I’m going to explain. It’s history time, folks!

Way back - waaaay back - during Season 4 of Buffy, I made a post asking the (still pretty brilliant, imo) question:

What program is shown on the WB on Tuesdays in Sunnydale?

The post garnered several replies, but the one that stuck with me was made by Victor (this was, like I said, waaay back. You know, when Victor still posted ). His answer was that the Sunnydale WB affiliate aired an extremely campy, very odd program called Esmerelda the Demon Killer. If one of the Scoobies were to sit down and watch said show, they’d notice extremely close similarities to the events that had taken place in their own lives during the past week. Not exactly identical, but pretty close. And while the folks on EtDK didn’t exactly look like the Sunnydale folks, there was a striking resemblance.

Of course, in the EtDKverse, on Tuesdays, the WB would air (what else) but Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Anywhat, seeing the potential in the Esmerelda idea, I PMed Victor and asked him what the episode titles were from the past four seasons. Using the logic that the shows would be almost Buffy-like, the titles should be slightly different as well.
He PMed me a list of the episodes - some wacky, some surreal, some pure brilliance - and we decided that this was too good to not share with the WD populace.

He posted the original list, and then Bruce (!!!) added a template so that everyone else could take a shot at "renaming" the Buffy titles. I printed that thread out, and I have it...somewhere.

And, of course, Esmerelda’s show had to have a spin-off. Thus, Cherub was born.

Figuring that Victor had enough to do with naming Ez, I took on the responsibility of coming up with the Cherub titles.

Each year since the original, we’ve teamed up to mock the titles of our favorite series, and then posted a template for everyone else to take a shot as well.

This year is no different (except that it will be the last time for Ez, and the fact that we didn’t get it posted right after the seasons ended. ). So, without (much) further ado, here are the lists of all 7 seasons of Esmerelda the Demon Killing Girl and the current 4 seasons of Cherub (plus templates for you to create your own).

Before I post them - a few notes of (semi) interest:
The title of the show changed shortly after being coined. Esmerelda the Demon Killer was too short and ...ordinary, so it became Esmerelda the Demon Killing Girl.
Also, regarding the Ez’s name - sometimes we spell it with an ’s’, sometimes with a ’z’. Hey, whatever works, right?

Welcome to the Hellmouth - First Day at the Stink Pit
The Harvest - Reap What You Sow
The Witch - Spellcaster
Teacher’s Pet - Apple Polisher
Never Kill A Boy On The First Date - Don’t Maul Your Suitor Before The Night Is Over
The Pack - The Wild Life
Angel - Tall, Dark, and Brooding
I Robot - You Jane - Android and Eve
The Puppet Show - Marionette Theater
Nightmares - Bad Dreams
Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight - I Can See Clearly Now, Lorraine Is Gone
Prophecy Girl - Vision Chick

Welcome to the Hellmouth
The Harvest
The Witch
Teacher’s Pet
Never Kill A Boy On The First Date
The Pack
Angel
I Robot - You Jane
The Puppet Show
Nightmares
Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight
Prophecy Girl

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 05:56 AM
EtDK Season 2
[ re: the P@ ]

When She Was Bad - The Rebellious Stage
Some Assembly Required - Instructions Included
School Hard - Learning Difficulty
Inca Mummy Girl - Embalmed Peruvian Chick
Reptile Boy - Salamnder Man
Halloween - Day of the Dead
Lie To Me - Stretch the Truth
The Dark Age - The Days of Knights and Wizards
What’s My Line? Part 1 & 2 - Bad Short Term Memory 1 & 2
Ted - Bob
Bad Eggs - Rotten Yolks
Surprise - Guess What
Innocence - Purity
Phases - Quarters
Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered - Affected, Annoyed, and Askew
Passion - Fire
Killed By Death - Destroyed by Destruction
I Only Have Eyes For You - You’re the Only One I See
Go Fish - Old Maid
Becoming Part 1 & 2 - Growing Up 1 & 2

When She Was Bad
Some Assembly Required
School Hard
Inca Mummy Girl
Reptile Boy
Halloween
Lie To Me
The Dark Age
What’s My Line? (Part One)
What’s My Line? (Part Two)
Ted
Bad Eggs
Surprise
Innocence
Phases
Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
Passion
Killed By Death
I Only Have Eyes For You
Go Fish
Becoming (Part One)
Becoming (Part Two)

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 05:58 AM
EtDK Season 3
[ re: the P@ ]

Anne - Margarita (Ezmerelda’s full name is Ezmerelda Margarita Cisneros)
Dead Man’s Party - Just Another Day
Faith, Hope, and Trick - Delerium, Despair, and Catch
Beauty and the Beasts - The Princess and the Pea
Homecoming - Back Where You Started
Band Candy - Girl Scout Cookies
Revelations - Seeing the Light
Lover’s Walk - Tunnel of Love
The Wish - What Do You Want
Amends - Repairs
Gingerbread - Graham Cracker
Helpless - Useless
The Zeppo - Jimmy Olsen
Bad Girls - Lady Trouble
Consequences - Ramifications
Doppelgangland - Cloneville
Enemies - Rivals
Earshot - I Know You’re There, I Can Hear You Thinking
Choices - Options
The Prom - The Last Dance
Graduation Day 1 & 2 - Pomp and Circumstance 1 & 2

Anne
Dead Man’s Party
Faith, Hope, and Trick
Beauty and the Beasts
Homecoming
Band Candy
Revelations
Lover’s Walk
The Wish
Amends
Gingerbread
Helpless
The Zeppo
Bad Girls
Consequences
Doppelgangland
Enemies
Earshot
Choices
The Prom
Graduation Day (part one)
Graduation Day (part two)

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 06:01 AM
EtDK Season 4
[ re: the P@ ]

The Freshman - Stranger in a Strange Land
Living Conditions - You Mean I’m Paying for THIS
The Harsh Light Of Day - The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow
Fear, Itself - I Think, Therefore I Am
Beer Bad - Whiskey, No Chaser
Wild at Heart - Wild Oats
The Initiative - The Motivation
Pangs - Stomach Cramps
Something Blue - Everything Red
Hush - SHUT UP
Doomed - Fated to Die
A New Man - A Natural Woman
The I in Team - The ASS in Assume
Goodbye Iowa - Corn Fields of the Past
This Year’s Girl - Next Year’s Castoff
Who Are You - Your Name, Please
Superstar - More Famous Than God
Where the Wild Things Are - Too Much Sex Can Kill You
New Moon Rising - Better Living Through Chanting
The Yoko Factor - Paul Is Dead
Primeval - Older Than Dirt
Restless - I Didn’t Sleep At All Last Night

The Freshman
Living Conditions
The Harsh Light Of Day
Fear, Itself
Beer Bad
Wild at Heart
The Initiative
Pangs
Something Blue
Hush
Doomed
A New Man
The I in Team
Goodbye Iowa
This Year’s Girl
Who Are You
Superstar
Where the Wild Things Are
New Moon Rising
The Yoko Factor
Primeval
Restless

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 06:03 AM
EtDK Season 5
[ re: the P@ ]

Buffy vs. Dracula - Ezmerelda vs. The Creature From The Black Lagoon
Real Me - Fake You
The Replacement - The Temp
Out Of My Mind - Where Sanity Fears to Tread
No Place Like Home - Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Green Curtain
Family - Dysfunction on Parade (or Get in the Boat, Fredo)
Fool For Love - Idiotic Lust
Shadow - Short in the Morning and Long in the Afternoon
Listening to Fear - Smelling the Happiness
Into the Woods - Nature Trail of Doom
Triangle - Rhombus
Checkpoint - Time Extension!
Blood Ties - Separated at Birth
Crush - With Eyeliner
I Was Made To Love You - The Joy of Robot Sex (or Sexbot on a Rampage or Weird Science)
The Body - Trying to Wake the Dead
Forever - On and On and On and On and On...
Intervention - Get In There and Take One For the Team!
Tough Love - Chips, Dips, Chains, Whips
Spiral - Helix
The Weight of the World - 6.592 Sextillion Tons
The Gift - Save the Receipt

Buffy vs. Dracula
Real Me
The Replacement
Out Of My Mind
No Place Like Home
Family
Fool For Love
Shadow
Listening to Fear
Into the Woods
Triangle
Checkpoint
Blood Ties
Crush
I Was Made To Love You
The Body
Forever
Intervention
Tough Love
Spiral
The Weight of the World
The Gift

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 06:05 AM
EtDK Season 6
[ re: the P@ ]

Bargaining (part 1 & 2) - What’s Behind Door Number Three?
After Life - Life’s A Bitch, Then You Live Some More
Flooded - High and Dry
Life Serial - Even Mikey Likes It
All the Way - Are We There Yet?
Once More, With Feeling - Say It Like Ya Mean It! (or Play It Again, Sam)
Tabula Rasa - Allow Me To Introduce Myself
Smashed - One More For the Road
Wrecked - It Was An Accident, I Swear
Gone - Don’t You EVER Leave?
Doublemeat Palace - Porn-O-Palooza
Dead Things - One Of These Dead Things Is Not Like The Others
Older and Far Away - If I Squint, I Can See My House From Here
As You Were - Married...With Demons
Hell’s Bells - Dinnertime at teh Red, Hot, and Evil Restaurant
Normal Again - There’s Someone in my Head, But It’s Not Me
Entropy - Sometimes Life Sucks and Sometimes It Just Blows
Seeing Red - Feeling Green
Villains - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Two to Go - Two Balls, One Strike (or Luxury Tax)
Grave - Bury Me Face Down So The World Can Kiss My Arse

Bargaining (part one)
Bargaining (part two)
After Life
Flooded
Life Serial
All the Way
Once More, With Feeling
Tabula Rasa
Smashed
Wrecked
Gone
Doublemeat Palace
Dead Things
Older and Far Away
As You Were
Hell’s Bells
Normal Again
Entropy
Seeing Red
Villains
Two to Go
Grave

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 06:06 AM
EtDK Season 7
[ re: the P@ ]

Lessons - Back To School
Beneath You - Get Off Me!
Same Time, Same Place - Haven’t We Done This Already?
Help - Abby Road
Selfless - Think Of The Children!
Him - Hymn
Conversations with Dead People - Nights Of Whine And Raisings
Sleeper - Hogging The Covers
Never Leave Me - Siamese Twins
Bring On the Night - Tomorrow Is Another Day
Showtime - Break A Leg!
Potential - You Clean Up Nice...
The Killer in Me - Dying To Get Out
First Date - The White Picket Fence
Get It Done - Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am
Storyteller - Dreamweaver
Lies My Parents Told Me - You Mean My Face Won’t Stick That Way?
Dirty Girls - Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Empty Places - Standing Room Only
Touched - A Few Waves Short Of A Shipwreck
End of Days - Forever Night
Chosen - Piqued

Lessons
Beneath You
Same Time, Same Place
Help
Selfless
Him
Conversations with Dead People
Sleeper
Never Leave Me
Bring on the Night
Showtime
Potential
The Killer In Me
First Date
Get it Done
Storyteller
Lies My Parents Told Me
Dirty Girls
Empty Places
Touched
End of Days
Chosen

the P@
Untitled
09/21/03 06:07 AM
Cherub Season 1
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City Of... - My Town
Lonely Hearts - Sad Livers
In the Dark - Get the Lights, Would Ya?
I Fall to Pieces - That’s the Way the Dr. Crumbles
Rm w/a Vu - This Place Looks Familiar
Sense and Sensitivity - Coppy Feely
The Bachelor Party - Last Night of Freedom
I Will Remember You - Unforgetable
Hero - Meatball Sub
Parting Gifts - Tell Them What They’ve Won
Somnambulist - Sleepwalker
Expecting - When Ya Due?
She - Female Pronoun
I’ve Got You Under My Skin - Where’s the Calamine Lotion?
The Prodigal - Oh, Look Who Finally Came Back
The Ring - And In This Corner
Eternity - A Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really,*REALLY* Long Time
Five By Five - A-OK
Sanctuary - Many People Find Faith In Prison
War Zone - Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Blind Date - She’s Got a Great Personality
To Shanshu in L.A. - Everybody Shanshu Tonight

City Of...
Lonely Hearts
In the Dark
I Fall to Pieces
Rm w/a Vu
Sense and Sensitivity
The Bachelor Party
I Will Remember You
Hero
Parting Gifts
Somnambulist
Expecting
She
I’ve Got You Under My Skin
The Prodigal
The Ring
Eternity[/b
b]Five By Five
Sanctuary
War Zone
Blind Date
To Shanshu in L.A.