LOS ANGELES — To those unfamiliar with the concept, the Television Critics Association July Press Tour sounds like a vacation with famous people and cocktail parties. We critics hear that all the time.

Far from it. It’s more accurate to think of the missives you’ll read over the next 2 1/2 weeks as "Tales From the Hollywood Front." Facing us will be fellow optimists (also known as producers and actors) praying they’ll hold on to their present gigs beyond the limited episode commitment they’ve been granted, if they’re lucky.

Behind them are network executives (aka, highly paid liars) brightly assuring us (aka, lying) about how much they believe in said projects, producers and talent.

So, it’s not so much a vacation as it is a marathon through what Dante Alighieri might have recognized as the tenth pouch of Malebolge (aka, the eighth circle of Hell, where the liars and impersonators are said to go) with medicinal salvation (aka, Manhattans) offered at the end of each leg.

Or maybe one can’t help looking at it that way after living through the unrelenting tedium of the 2003-04 television season. Let’s recap.

CBS

The Eye may have had mea culpas coming out of every single duct last season, but it doesn’t have to apologize for its top-dog status. CBS ended the season with 4 percent more viewers than the previous season, making it the only network to show growth, and the top-rated drama on television, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation."

Better yet, it’s keeping more of its new shows from last season than its competition. In spite of a few misfires ("The Brotherhood of Poland, N.H.," and "The Handler"), the series it’s holding onto, including "Cold Case," "Two and a Half Men" and "Joan of Arcadia," are only poised to grow in 2004-05.

And the fall? The success in duplicating the "Law & Order" formula on NBC and "CSI: Miami’s" strength mean "CSI: New York" looks like a lock. If CBS has a weakness, it is in its tepid new comedies. Then again, no new sitcoms on any network look that great except, maybe, "Joey."

NBC

Tallying up last season’s laughable attempts at reviving its flaccid sitcom stable ("Whoopi," "Happy Family," "Coupling"), NBC needs Matt LeBlanc’s Everyman dullard to jump from New York to L.A. and help it transition from an era of "Friends" dominance into a new, less certain territory.

NBC’s not faring too poorly, however. It managed to edge out Fox for an 18-to-49 demographic win last season. It has the monumental success of Donald Trump’s "The Apprentice" going for it. And it has a more than modest win with "Las Vegas," a glittering, adventurous throwback to the TV Neverlands Aaron Spelling capitalized upon in the late ’70s and ’80s.

With the help of a wee event known as the Summer Olympics, the network believes it has a springboard from which to launch its fall shows. It’ll need all the help it can get. "Law & Order’s" bound for a challenge on Wednesday nights from "CSI: NY" over on CBS, and with "The West Wing" looking ready to molt, NBC needs its new dramas, "Hawaii" and "LAX," to catch on, and quick.

Fox

Fox jumped over lazy ABC on the strength of one show, "American Idol." The rest, other than "The Simple Life" and "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance," weren’t much to brag about. Yes, yes, we love "The O.C." and given the prevalence of primetime soaps in the coming season, its viewership and reputation make it a top contender for Most Likely to Succeed in the sophomore class.

But Fox’s list of cancellations is long and ignominious, starting with "Skin" and "Luis" and abruptly ending with ... well, we hear production has been halted on "The Jury."

Not a good start for a network attempting to move toward 52 weeks of programming. "The Jury" and Fox’s other summer failures were supposed to carry the network through its November-to-January season, along with a slew of new reality knockoffs and this summer’s other offerings. Call it a wild guess, but we’re thinking Fox entertainment president Gail Berman will be fielding a number of inquiries along the lines of, "Bad Fox, bad Fox, whatcha gonna do?"

ABC

Stuck in fourth place, the Alphabet’s 2003-04 season was less about competition than it was about triage. In the end, only a single new show, "Hope & Faith," survived. And even it was losing viewers as spring wound down.

The good news is, there’s a new head of entertainment named Stephen McPherson; the better news is, several of ABC’s fall series actually look appealing, like "Lost," "Desperate Housewives" and "Wife Swap." There’s still hope for ABC and this time we’re not just referring to a Velveeta sitcom character.

The WB and UPN

Behold, a tale of two weblets. One, UPN, is clawing its way out of the mud with the help of Tyra Banks’ hold on "America’s Next Top Model" viewers. UPN also has "All of Us," produced by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and "Eve," starring Eve, in its arsenal and a project produced by Missy Elliott waiting in the wings. It may have sliced its sci-fi core by ridding itself of "Jake 2.0" and banishing "Enterprise" to Fridays. But for every hard-core geek it has offended, UPN has picked up at least one urban female to drool over Taye Diggs in "Kevin Hill" and tolerate "Veronica Mars."

The other, The WB, suffered a 14 percent decline in its squirmy, hard-to-hold 12-to-34-year-old core demographic, then lost co-CEO Jordan Levin. Levin made The WB what it is today. Unfortunately, he left it a crumbling teenage love shack without a single hit under its roof. On the other hand, it gained David Janollari, the producer who launched "Six Feet Under," as entertainment president, and has a decent off-season find in "Summerland."

Janollari didn’t arrive soon enough to stop The WB from placing its bets upon a few shows that have "loser" written all over them, including "Commando Nanny" (why, Lord, why?) and a sketch TV hour anchored by vehicles for Drew Carey and Jeff Foxworthy.

As a result, we critics head to this current press tour with few expectations. Nevertheless, one might dare to hope for a few pleasant surprises that don’t come in a tumbler. When you’ve experienced a season as miserable as the last, the only way the quality of broadcast television can go is up.

Right?