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Frayed ends and odds: A list of the best sports movies... (seth green mention)

Jonathan Fraysure

Saturday 26 November 2005, by Webmaster

With it being Turkey Day and all, what better activity is there than to veg out on the couch in front of the TV? If there’s something I feel like I can call myself quasi-knowledgeable of, aside from sports, it’s movies. So, combining the three (vegging out + sports + movies), I give you my favorite 10 sports movies.

Before I get right into it, I have to confess that, as long as I can remember, I’ve made lists. Lists of many natures. And no matter what limit I’ve determined the list should be, it’s never limited to that number. Today will be no different.

In addition, here’s another pseudo-sport movie list, the top three (and of course, it won’t be just three) athletes performing in non-sport movies:

€ 3-T.) Brett Favre, “There’s Something About Mary.” Good surprise to see Mr. Fav-ruh show up at the end after his being a mystery up to that point.

€ 3-T.) Dan Marino, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” One could argue this is a sports movie, as I argue below for less-sports oriented movies. Ah well.

€ 2.) Cam Neely, “Dumb and Dumber.” So good as Seabass, you may not have known this was the NHL star.

€ 1.) Andre the Giant, “The Princess Bride.” Who would have thought that anyone could make a 7’4”, 500-plus pound monster into a lovable creature? Rob Reiner did, in one of the best movies ever, in my book.

There’s a great example of how indecisive I am. It’s my list, but I can’t limit it. OK then, onto the main one, the top 10 sports movies ever:

Wait a tick, not yet. I have some honorable mentions.

HM: “The Big Lebowski” (it has bowling in it!), “Bring It On” (cheerleading is a sport), “Dodgeball” (borderline), “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” (it started out with the Tour de France) and “Zoolander” (male modeling is a sport).

Also, I should specially mention “Airborne,” for two reasons. First, it is a memorable look at the very early careers of both Jack Black and Seth Green, and second, the rollerblading scenes down ‘Devil’s Backbone’ are largely filmed right here in Maysville and in Cincinnati.

On to the list now, I swear. There may be some plot spoilers, so read on at your own peril.

€ 10-T.) “Radio,” 2003, starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ed Harris.

There’s a key reason I can’t decide between the number 10’s. In this particular case, it’s the scene where Radio receives his letter jacket.

Memorable line: “I want both!” ... Radio, when the waitress asks him which pie he wants.

€ 10-T.) “Remember the Titans,” 2000, starring Denzel Washington and Will Patton.

Like “Radio,” based-on-a-true story. The scene here in question is when the kid that re-minds me of Sean Casey is hit by a car.

Memorable line: “Don’t you see the resemblance? That’s my brother.” ... Bertier (aka Sean Casey) to s nurse.

€ 10-T.) “Rudy,” 1993, starring Sean Astin, Jon Favreau and Charles S. Dutton.

Another based-on-a-true (football) hero story. If you haven’t caught onto the pattern, the three are all tearjerkers. Of course, in this one, it’s when Rudy gets carried off the field on the other players’ shoulders.

Memorable line: Steele: “Are you ready champ?” ... Rudy: “I’ve been ready for this my whole life” ... Steele: “Then you take us on the field.”

€ 9.) “The Sandlot,” 1993, starring Tom Guiry and Mike Vitar.

Your run-of-the-mill kids-coming-of-age movie, but set against the backdrop of baseball. It’s a memorable summer for a kid who isn’t that good at sports, but turns out not-so-bad.

Memorable line: “You’re killing me Smalls!” ... Ham, when the main character doesn’t know what a s’more is.

€ 8.) “Little Giants,” 1994, starring Rick Moranis and Ed ‘Al Bundy’ O’Neill.

Another kids ensemble cast not unlike “Sandlot,” but this one focuses on the two adults previously mentioned. Some of the best football play sequences ever, even if they are like 10 years old.

Memorable line: “Looks like Mr. Mo-men-tum is changing his address.” ... the announcer when the Giants begin their Disney comeback.

€ 7.) “Field of Dreams,” 1989, starring Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones and Ray Liotta.

One more tearjerker for you, and a rarity too: a movie that’s as good as the book, in my opinion. You gotta love the mystery of ‘The Voice’ (playeMemorable line: “Hey dad ... you wanna have a catch?” ... Ray to his dad, gets me right there every time.

€ 6.) “Varsity Blues,” 1999, starring James Van Der Beek, Jon Voight and Paul Walker.

Surprisingly, a very good film even though it’s made by MTV. Only beef I have (though this is not limited to ‘Blues’) is that every hit is bone-shattering and every play is important. We all know football isn’t really like that.

Memorable line: “I don’t want ... your life!” ... Mox in a horrible Texas accent. Probably not supposed to be funny.

€ 5.) “Happy Gilmore,” 1996, starring Adam Sandler, Chris-topher McDonald and Carl Weathers.

A classic, in every sense of the word. One of those scripts you memorize word-for-word (or at least I have), if you’re a Sandler fan. Possibly the most unrealistic ending of all-time, but that’s part of what makes it good.

Family-friendly memorable lines: “Nah, it looks that way ‘cause you only have one shoe on.” ... Happy to his homeless caddy; “Talk about your all-time backfires.” ... Happy to his soon-to-be-girlfriend Virginia; “I was just looking for the other half of this bottle.” ... Happy to Virginia again.

€ 4.) “Major League,” 1989, starring Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Wesley Snipes and Corbin Bernsen.

Pretty realistic baseball movie, I can believe Sheen as a pitcher and Berenger as a catcher. Follows the typical big-time underdog making a huge comeback, only it lasts pretty much the whole season.

Family-friendly memorable line: “Too high! Too high!” ... “What do ya mean, too high?” ... fans in the outfield describing a home run.

€ 3.) “The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training,” 1977, starring William Devane, Jackie Earle Haley and Chris Barnes.

Best sequel ever, bar none. Some days I think it’s better than the original. The whole van sequence, including them asking for money and pawning off the groundskeeper as coach, but then leaving him, is priceless. Plus they really get to play in the Astrodome.

Memorable lines: “Two dollars ... for both of us.” ... one of the Agilar brothers; “Hello! How are you?” ... previously mentioned groundskeeper Lester Eastland.

€ 2.) “Hoosiers,” 1986, starring Gene Hackman, Dennis Hopper and Barbara Hershey.

Most inspirational movie ever, the classic David vs. Goliath sports story. Also, not many people know it, but I have a special place in my heart for Milan, Indiana, the town and team Hickory is based on.

Memorable line: “I think you’ll find these exact same measurements as our gym back in Hickory.” ... Coach Dale to his players, overwhelmed by the size of the state finals gym.

€ 1.) “The Bad News Bears,” 1976, starring Walter Matthau, Tatum O’Neal and Chris Barnes.

There is nothing bad I can say about this movie, even if the kids lose the last game. Tanner’s line there, after receiving the second place trophy from the hated Yankees is the icing (but is not printable). In fact, most lines from this movie are not printable. Most come from little leaguers too.

Memorable line: I already told you, not printable. But it’s Tanner again, talking about the makeup of the team when female pitcher O’Neal is added.