There isn’t a show on telly that wouldn’t be infinitely enhanced by characters singing their normally spoken lines. It’d brighten up what looks like an unpromising sweltering season.

So I’ve been away. Have I missed anything? I mean anything of note. I see that Big Brother has begun again and can I just apologise, on behalf of my people, for Dennis. I am really sorry. (It’s not often I apologise so make the most of it). Last night, I found myself wondering if he or Alexandra - and her ginormous attitude - is the most annoying housemate and then I realised I was being sucked in to caring about it and I had to check myself. What with BB9 and Euro 2008, I fear it’s going to be a long, arid summer.

An early oasis - and the very first thing I watched on my return from my travels - was, of course, Doctor Who. The conclusion of the two-parter that began with Silence in the Library was quite the rollercoaster ride with plenty for Whovians, more hardened sci-fi fans and your regular viewers too. As for Professor River Song’s connection to the Doctor, it seems clear - well, clear-ish - that she and he were lovers in the future and that’s how she knew his name. (I’m not wrong in thinking that, am I? Even if this assumption brings to mind the Doctor’s orgasm face and him ((oddly)) shouting out his name at the vital moment - which I don’t really want to think about too much given how excited he gets at the best of times - it’s on the right track, isn’t it?) But what did you think of it? About Forest of the Dead, not the Doctor’s orgasm face.

Watching Doctor Who also got me thinking: what shows would benefit from a musical episode? Since Buffy did Once More, With Feeling, it often occurs to me that more dramas would be lifted by an episode in which the cast burst into song and dance. Whether it’s the influence of US shows, such as Grey’s Anatomy, or simply as a shortcut to some emotion, more and more British shows are employing music. You can barely get through an episode of Casualty, Holby or Hollyoaks without some band or another striking up to tell us How To Feel. (Hollyoaks’ John-Paul and Craig’s relationship had, it seemed, an entire Dusty Springfield soundtrack.) So why not go the whole hog and have the cast do it?

Waking the Dead, for example, would be smashing if Grace and Eve broke out into a chorus of Mad About the Boy(d) and I am sure French Stella is a dab hand (or rather foot) at ballet. She’s got that Gallic poise, wouldn’t you say? And Spence could do a bit of singing just to give him something to do.

Were the residents of Emmerdale to waltz into the Woolpack singing in harmony, it would be no weirder than anything else that goes in that village. Such singing’n’dancing soap extravaganzas occasionally happen on Children in Need - and some enterprising so-and-so has put Gail’s fall down her stairs to music - but what Soapland needs in general is more choreographed tap numbers.

There are also American shows that would vastly improve were they sprinkled with rousing razzmatazzy jazz tunes and plaintive piano-heavy ballads. Given all the songs with ’hero’ in the title, Heroes is an obvious candidate and it could do with livening up. That could even be one hero’s superpower: to inspire those around him/her to burst into song. (Naturally my favourite heroic song is Holding Out For a Hero, the theme tune to Cover Up).

And how much better would The Wire be if it had a musical episode? Massively.

Your thoughts, as ever, would be much appreciated. Would you enjoy a Spooks packed with show tunes? A Cranford Christmas special peppered with soft-shoe shuffles? A Kingdom in which Stephen Fry lapsed into Gilbert and Sullivan-esque ditties on the joys of living as a lawyer by the seaside? Judging by the amount of telly clips put to music on YouTube, there’s an insatiable appetite for such things.

In other news, I’m on Mayo this afternoon on Five Live discussing the telly. Obviously. It’s not as if I’m going to be filling in for John Pienaar, is it?