Morning Simians of the South, this is the Monk Machine on Monk 212 FM, brought to you in association with moviehole and unofficial affiliations of various Hill’s dwellings and La La Hangouts. Yes, this is Monk Rock, Monkey babes.

I almost got carried away with my annoying, over-the-hill radio DJ impersonation, my Monkey chums. I got carried away with Lady Monkey the other night too. There I am, constantly telling her how good she looks (and I tell you, she is fantastically ace. The hotness of all hotness. I look at her and drift away with disbelief that I actually won round my Lady Monkey. I wonder what attracted her to a millionaire monkey movie writer. Seriously, she is without a doubt, the most attractive woman, both with intelligence and beauty and reads this column weekly, so ‘Hello Darling’)I’m still here in North Carolina and will be visiting Princess Lady Monkey’s parental apes over the Easter weekend. There’s still a Grandmother I haven’t met yet and I’m a little nervous. I’ve already been dissed by a ninety something year old woman with Altzheimer’s this week. “You ain’t from here! What in the hell are ya doin’ in Elon!” Then she rambled on about how her Daddy has a lumber plant and I thought she said lumber plane, so I’m saying “Did you ever go up in the lumber plane?” She then looked at me, with an even more scrunched up and wrinkled face and said; “What! In a plane? What are you talking about? Are you crazy?” She called ME crazy.

OK, so I have to shop for my bananas, when my master Clint aint’t giving me them. Loopies have to shop to, so while shopping the other week at Gelsons in Pacific Palasades (15424 W. Sunset Blvd in case you wanna buy bananas with me one week), I overheard some interesting bites. I swung along Vine Street as well as having a drink at Chateau Marmont with ‘new Hollywood’ and nearly threw up from what I heard, but hey, here’s a few treats for you nonetheless.

Will Smith is supposedly going green. Not politically. I think he could be President if he put his mind to it, but no, I mean Greenbacks. He’ll produce the flick too with his Overbrook Entertainment company. ’Greenbacks’ has Smith held up in Morocco uncovering a counterfeit money and economy destabilization plot. An action thriller from Will, who in my book, never fails me. No more Men In Black though please.

This one time, at Bond Camp. Some have always dreamt to be Bond. Brosnan, with his first wife were passionate for him to be so, as interviews have claimed and informal chats I’ve been in. However, Mr. Craig, honest as he is, is simply cashing in, waiting for those bigger money movies to come flooding in. Now, I find it a little sad, hearing statements like that. I am, believe it or not, a Bond admirer and make no secret of my disliking Daniel Craig as a Bond choice, not as an actor. He’s a tremendous actor and I’m sure he’ll do well as a rough and tumble action man. With Bahamas done and dusted on ‘Casino’, a Gibbon pal of mine told me at the Coffee Bean the other week that Mr. Craig is in the frame of a comic book hero and a buddy action movie. I’m doubting either and will stay where he is more appreciated, in ’Munich’ territory. Those of you who haven’t, check out Daniel Craig in ‘Our Friends In The North’, a BBC drama spanning about 30 years of four friends in the North of England, UK.

Previously, back at the comic book ranch. ’Wonder Woman’. Yes, a lot of talk recently, from the known to the unknown and back again on who’ll portray Whedon’s wench of the Amazon. So, I look up a chick I hear about in the Lobby of the Four Seasons and nod to myself. Mikki Padilla. Who? I looked her up and asked around. A few Gyms. “A hard worker” I hear from some. “She’s missed the boat” say others. “Bruce Willis asked her out?” Said someone else. A few sketchy flicks and minor appearances in some TV and a lose link to some British spy flick...Padillia as Wonder Woman? It’s the hype machine. I’ll eat a wax banana if this is true. But rumours never die for this one.....chalk her up as contender number 675.

Talking of hype machines. So, personally, I think the whole ’Da Vinci Code’ court case was a façade. Seriously. Two books, both with the same publisher, both sales going up and a movie due to for release anytime soon. Now another court case is pending regarding the Dan Brown best seller. Perrrr lease. I know you guys want the movie to be as big as the book and it will be big, but enough already! Court cases! The new way forward in marketing a movie.

OK, so here’s a good one. I had this idea a few years ago when I was on board something linked to the producers, in a six degrees of Kevin Bacon kinda way. Maybe I can sue. That’ll push a few projects of mine up the scale. Anyway, ’Terminator 4’. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s role as a Robot from the future? I’m thinking not. Sipping a beer and talking with my manager, bored of banjos here in the South, we get talking on the phone and it’s; “So, Arnold could be playing a real soldier in T4. Apparently it’s what the Terminator was based on and so John Connor designs a robot version of him in total respect of his loyal soldier pal, who is killed.” Something like that. Either way, it’ll probably be a small role towards the start or end of the film. A big-wig friend of the boss told him recently that the main character in the new movie will be Connor - an older version of - played by someone new. This one is going to start from scratch - new cast for a start - and the plan is to kick off a whole new trilogy. Hmmm...

I had a dream the other night that John Travolta wore a wig. I’d rather that be true than see his Tim Allen “Hell’s Angels” pic. Whatever happened to his comedic team up with Cruise?

Okay, last coupla bits before I head off to load up the dish washer. That’s Redneck for getting your wife drunk. Anthony Hopkins has penned a script. Hasn’t everyone lately, Jen? It’ll star Hopkins as well as Christian Slater, as a Screenwriter. Treat them well to view on screen, but off is another act altogether. Anyroad, ‘Slipstream’ is Hopkins’ thoughts and feelings on the whole God issue and Slater’s a scribe who gets lost in his fictional movie writing world of a murder mystery in his head and the reality of real world life. I see no difference.

Rambo might as well be going to ‘Deadwood’. Not only has Kim Dickens, from the latter series, joined “Rambo 4”, but Walter Hill is rumoured to be now directing the thing.RottenTomatoes.com says Hill is in final talks to steer the thing. Originally Sylvester Stallone was going to shoot it himself. Thanks to ‘LR’ for the heads up on that one

Keep safe. Monks.