Here’s something you don’t hear in the People Column very often: The following story is completely true ... as far as we know.

An Indian film director says he hopes to persuade Paris Hilton to play Mother Teresa in an upcoming film.

Be reminded that April Fool’s Day was last week. On top of that, the People Column staff would be scared to death to actually mess with anything having to do with Nobel laureate and prospective Catholic saint Mother Teresa.

OK ... that’s not entirely true. But this is.

"Her features resemble Mother Teresa," director T. Rajeevnath told world news agency AFP.

Oh, boy. This isn’t good ...

The filmmaker said Hilton, whose acting resume includes B movies, TV’s "The Simple Life," and a certain, ah, home movie, is on his short list. He said a computer-generated image showed a close facial match between Hilton and the Albanian-born nun.

Mother Teresa died in 1997, after decades of working with the poor people of Kolkata, formerly Calcutta, with the Missionaries of Charity. She was beatified by Pope John Paul II in 2003, a significant step on the road to sainthood.

As of Tuesday, the current pope had not beatified Paris Hilton.

The director said a meeting with Hilton is scheduled for the end of April, giving people enough time to explain to him exactly who Paris Hilton is and why this would be one of the worst ideas since Madonna decided to make her last movie. Rajeevnath is known in India for his Malayalam-language films, including "Janani," the story of seven nuns caring for an abandoned baby, which won a national award.

Again, this wasn’t our idea. Honest.

THE OCEANS WILL BOIL AND THE SKIES WILL TURN CRIMSON: Don’t forget the locusts. There should be lots of those too, when reclusive superstar Prince appears on "American Idol."

The Purple One will reportedly both coach contestants and perform on the hit TV series, likely in an attempt to maintain visibility after recently releasing his new album "3121," which debuted at the top of the Billboard chart.

According to PageSix.com, executives from Prince’s record company convinced him to appear on the show to keep the album at the top of the charts, after noting a huge spike in album sales when Barry Manilow appeared on the program earlier this year. According to one source, "It wasn’t easy, though, because Prince apparently hates the show and has never even watched it."

Sounds like Must See TV.

STERN ATTACKED: Radio star Howard Stern had a shock on Saturday night, when a crazed fan threatened him on a Manhattan street before spitting on Stern’s girlfriend, Beth Ostrosky.

The shock jock, 52, and Ostrosky, 33, were walking down Columbus Avenue following a meal at a local restaurant when Gregory Forbes recognized the curly-haired personality and started screaming, "Howard!" according to the New York Daily News.

Forbes allegedly threatened the couple before they walked away and got into a cab. Forbes followed and spat through the open window into Ostrosky’s face. The paper reports Forbes was arrested about 50 minutes later and was arraigned that night on charges of third-degree menacing and second-degree harassment.

WHAT, SHANNEN DOHERTY’S BUSY? They’ve just about exhausted every other movie idea from "Super Friends."

Kate Beckinsale is reportedly negotiating to play the lead in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" creator Joss Whedon’s upcoming "Wonder Woman" film, according to movie gossip Web site joblo.com.

"Buffy" stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Charisma Carpenter and teen queen Lindsay Lohan have been linked to the coveted role, which was played on TV by Lynda Carter. Carpenter even put off having a second baby in the hope of landing the role. She recently told a reporter, "I’d like to (have another baby) eventually, but I want ’Wonder Woman’ right now. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m crossing my fingers and toes and praying."

AND WE THOUGHT ’BASIC INSTINCT 2’ WAS A BAD IDEA: Sharon Stone is supposedly reacting really badly to the flop of hyped new film "Basic Instinct 2."

She’s becoming a singer.

Stone co-wrote "Come Together Now," last November’s all-star song for U.S. hurricane relief, and is now aiming for the pop charts herself. After her appearance on a talk show last week, Stone reportedly hit a Manhattan recording studio, and insiders claim the actress has been writing songs with collaborators for the past year.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.