Mulder, He Wrote: Actually, directed. Former X-File actor David Duchovny directs tonight’s episode of the vastly underrated Bones (david boreanaz). Ryan O’Neal takes a break from caring for Farrah to play a mysterious priest who carries a message from Bones’ long-lost pop (Fox, Global at 8).

America’s Next Top (British) Model: Just because they named flaky CariDee English the seventh America’s Next Top Model last week doesn’t mean the season is over. ANTM: British Invasion (The CW at 8), a two-hour spin-off, features a dozen English models, literally, from the lookalike U.K. version.

Formerly Fat: A quarter of a million bucks (U.S.) will buy a lot of broccoli and soy shakes. Tonight on The Biggest Loser the most slimmed-down contestant takes the prize, with another $50 grand going to the next skinniest former fatty. Hosted by Canadian comic Caroline Rhea (NBC, CH at 8).

Taye Break: The day keeps getting worse for Taye Diggs’ Hopper as he tracks down a key player in the conspiracy to frame him and gets a chilling reminder of the unforeseen consequences of every action he now chooses (ABC at 9).

Snakes on a Game: Samuel L. Jackson has proven himself as the natural host of Spike TV’s Video Game Awards, back for the fourth edition, also with Seth Green, the heroes of Heroes, Tenacious D and 50 Cent (Spike TV at 10).

Water Cooler: Fergie - that’s the Duchess Sarah Ferguson, not the Black Eyed Pea - has been confirmed as a contestant on the next edition of Dancing with the Stars. According to producer Conrad Green, "Fergie will add a touch of class to the proceedings and the fans will be waiting to see if she falls for her dance partner. Everyone loves a royal romance and her presence will bring dazzling ratings." Jennifer Aniston was unavailable for comment.