Jennifer Garner kicks ass again in this week’s Alias, the mystery of Veronica Mars heats up and the new NBC series Revelations premieres. And sorry, no new episode of Desperate Housewives or Eva Longoria this week.

There sure are a lot of mysteries on TV these days.

What’s the deal with the island in Lost?

Why did Mary Alice kill herself in Desperate Housewives?

Who killed Lily on Veronica Mars?

Why is it that it only takes Jack six minutes to get anywhere in Los Angeles on 24?

Will Fox cancel Arrested Development?

When will I get a life and stop laying awake at night thinking about these things?

Well, at least I can answer that last question. Never. I’m a TV addict.

Yeah, so anyway, let’s get your “TV Eye for the Indie Guy” started, but remember to check your local listings:

MONDAY, APRIL 11, 2005

Jenny loses out on a job due to her sexual preference in tonight’s THE L WORD (9 p.m., Showtime).

It’s 11 p.m. to 12 a.m. in tonight’s 24 (9 p.m., Fox) and Audrey’s feeling for Jack are withering. Well, seeing your new man torture your estranged husband might do that. Maybe it’s time for a visit to Dr. Phil.

Merv Griffin sets Kirstie up with one of his rich friends in tonight’s FAT ACTRESS (10 p.m., Showtime). Wouldn’t Kirstie be awesome as the next Bacherlotte for ABC?

Trio explores THE HISTORY OF PORNOGRAPHY at 11 p.m. Hmmm, shouldn’t this be on the History Channel?

TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 2005

An up-and-coming presidential hopeful is violently ill in tonight’s HOUSE (9 p.m., Fox). You know, you should never eat the chicken at those $1,000-a-plate fundraisers.

Return of the Mac! A series of fire drills leads Veronica to discover that Neptune High has been receiving bomb threats, so she enlists Wallace and Mac’s help to investigate classmates who could pose a serious threat to the school, including new student Ben (guest star Jonathan Taylor Thomas) in tonight’s VERONICA MARS (9 p.m., UPN). Look for the return of Alyson Hannigan as Logan’s no-good stepsis Trina next week, as Veronica Mars wraps up its Lily Kane murder plot as its heads into the May 10 finale, where show runners have promised that the Lily Kane murderer will be revealed.

Turk tells Carla and J.D. to decide between themselves who is responsible for their kiss in tonight’s SCRUBS (9 p.m., NBC). Or maybe all three of them should go on Dr. Phil along with 24’s Jack and Audrey.

Michael tries to raise employee morale with a birthday party amid rumors of downsizing in tonight’s THE OFFICE (9:30 p.m., NBC). Yes, crappy birthday cake should make everyone stop worrying about losing their jobs. Good thinking, Michael.

Claudette loses trust in Dutch in tonight’s THE SHIELD (10 p.m., FX). Well, gee, if you can’t trust a guy who killed a cat just to see how it feels then whom can you trust?

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2005

The mysterious island beast returns in this repeat of LOST (8 p.m., ABC). Anyone wanna guess what the beast is? I think it’s Starr Jones Reynolds!

Pamela Anderson plays a bookstore owner in Fox’s new series, STACKED, premiering at 8:30 p.m. Hmmm, that seems totally believable.

There are back-to-back repeats of SMALLVILLE starting at 8 p.m. on WB. Lana is attacked in the first one, and Chloe is kidnapped in the second. Thank God Clark is around to protect all the women!

Vaughn becomes a rogue agent when he steals a device to use as a bargaining tool in order to learn the truth about his father, and Marshall questions Jack’s health in tonight’s ALIAS (9 p.m., ABC).

While Dr. Massey (Bill Pullman) is still recovering from the loss of his daughter to a maniacal murderer, he embarks on a journey through the unfamiliar world of faith and religion with the guidance of Sister Josepha Montafiore (Natascha McElhone) in NBC’s Miracle rip-off REVELATIONS (9 p.m., NBC).

Judd Risk Management investigates the theft of a jet prototype, ultimately revealing the owner’s dark family secrets in tonight’s EYES (10 p.m., ABC). Dark family secrets huh? This show should fit in nicely with Alias.

THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 2005

I think it’s hilarious that Encore is airing SECONDHAND LIONS at 8 p.m. Like anyone wanted to see it the first time around! Now it’s getting an Encore! (to be fair, I haven’t seen the movie, but couldn’t resist the pun).

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Yep, FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF is on Cinemax at 8:15 p.m.

Fox has brought TRU CALLING (9 p.m.) back from dead. Enjoy it while you can.

Anyone else think the horror movie, Feast, that they are working on in PROJECT GREENLIGHT (10 p.m., Bravo) sounds familiar? “Colorful” characters trapped in a bar while horrifying monsters pick them off one by one. Cast George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino and you’ve got From Dusk Til Dawn, my friend.

FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 2005

After Archer forges a deal with the Orions, the trader presents the captain with a gift — three alluring Orion women, who proceed to seduce all the men on board, except Trip for some mysterious reason in tonight’s STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE (8 p.m., UPN). I guess it’s never too late to try to sex up the show and bring in more viewers, huh?

Think you’re a movie nerd? Then check out the documentary CINEMANIA (9 p.m., Trio). Now, these people are movie nerds!

Boomer worries that she is responsible for a mysterious explosion that causes Galactica to lose more than half of its water in this repeat of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (10 p.m., Sci Fi Channel).

Rob Zombie, Bruce Campbell, Roger Corman and Faizon Love break bread in tonight’s DINNER FOR FIVE (10 p.m., IFC). I bet they spend the entire meal talking about how much Bruce Campbell rules.

SATURDAY, APRIL 16, 2005

They’re crazy — crazy about marijuana in Showtime’s musical REEFER MADNESS, airing at 8 p.m.

STARSHIP TROOPERS 2: HERO OF THE FEDERATIONS (8 p.m., Encore) - There are so many unanswered questions from the first one. I mean, why is there a co-ed shower?

Get your ABBA on and watch MURIEL’S WEDDING at 9 p.m. on IFC.

I really think they were on to something in ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (10 p.m., Cinemax). I know the message of the movie was that it’s a bad idea to erase people from your memory, but I can’t help but think it’s not all bad.

SUNDAY, APRIL 17, 2005

It must be the funky cold medina! Tone Loc guest stars in tonight’s KING OF THE HILL (7 p.m., Fox).

When Professor Frink uses an astrology machine to ease the constant bickering between Bart and Lisa, they are given a sneak-peek into their final days of high school in tonight’s THE SIMPSONS (8 p.m., Fox). Ummm, didn’t we already see an episode where Bart sees into the future and Lisa is President of the United States. Who cares about high school?!?

Kitty and Tobias hook up in the season (hopefully not series) finale of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (8:30 p.m., Fox). Check out www.getarrested.com. It’s a campaign to make sure the best comedy on TV doesn’t get the axe.

Alma and Bullock discuss the town’s financial future in tonight’s DEADWOOD (9 p.m., HBO). Let’s see, he’s married, but she’s pregnant with his baby. Yep, the town’s financial future is exactly what they should be talking about.

You had three new episodes in row so prepare yourself for yet another rerun of in DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (9 p.m., ABC). It’s the one where Susan learns some unsavory facts about hunky Mike.

Hey, this tastes like ROBOT CHICKEN (11:30 p.m. on Cartoon Network).