JLA Classified makes one feel good. Knowing that DC’s latest brouhaha as opposed to bwa-ha-ha is actually based in a mirror universe explains much. Sue Dibney being raped by Dr. Light and murdered by Jean Loring, Batman being mind wiped, Maxwell Lord shooting Blue Beetle in the head, Babs Gordon still being crippled after all these years—ohhhhhh, still crippled after all these years in a world that has had four—count them—four Dr. Fates—and the absolute inefficacy of the entire DC pantheon against crime and injustice has all been false. The Super-Buddies are true.

Point number one. You can identify the real heroes by their dialogue. Nobody sounds out of character, and you do not even need to see them or hear their names to know who the characters are. In contrast, Dr. Light was a thief. He was a glorified loon of a bank robber who wore a fin on his head. He killed or attempted murder out of practicality not malice. A rapist is a different type of filth. Zatanna would never mindwipe Batman. Zatanna and Batman are friends. Friends don’t mindwipe friends. Willow does this in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but the action is a sign of her inexperience in the use of powerful magic corrupting her. It also triggers the realization of her corruption and her road to redemption—sloped askew by the true evil acts of Warren. Zatanna grew up with magic and is no novice. She lives and breathes magic. In every adventure, her ethics are beyond question. So in summary of point one. In the Super-Buddies books, everybody looks and sounds in character. In the Big Stupid Event books, everybody is out of character.

Point two. In order for there to be a mirror universe, there must exist a distinction between the counterpart. Maxwell Lord’s doppelganger intends to ventilate a Super-Buddy. The Maxwell Lord of the Big Stupid Event shoots Blue Beetle in the head. Where then is the duality? It’s much more logical to believe that a doppelganger of Maxwell Lord shot Blue Beetle in the head. If we accept the idea of the mirror universe and the need for duality corroborated by Grant Morison’s Earth-Two then the true Maxwell Lord must be the opposite to the murderous one dimensional vermin seen in the mirror universe. This criteria is met in JLA Classified. The creative team show the difference between the mirror universe Maxwell Lord and the true Maxwell Lord clowning around with his comrades, the Super-Buddies. The Maxwell Lord we know would never shoot Blue Beetle in the head. Willow despite being hollowed out by Warren’s actions in Buffy the Vampire Slayer cannot kill Xander, who with Giles’ sabotage, ultimately saves the day and more importantly, Willow’s humanity. In summary, there cannot be two murderous Maxwell Lords and the duality of the mirror universe. One must be accepted, and all of Maxwell Lord’s previous appearances bolster the theory that Max is a good guy. Therefore, the murderer of Blue Beetle must be the mirror universe Maxwell Lord.

Point three. Beneath the masks, super-heroes are real people. Real people possess moods. Even those who are defined by one mood still issue nuances of other moods. Guy Gardner is mostly arrogant and annoying, yet he genuinely cared for Tora—Ice nee Ice Maiden. Batman once a hard-edged leader of those who made up the Justice League also exhibited lighter moods such as when he and J’onn comment upon Max’s behavior when discovering Beetle and Booster bankrupted the League in the infamous Kooey-Kooey incident or when he recruited Hawkman and Hawkwoman back into the League. The false mirror universe Batman needs to be locked up somewhere and heavily medicated—despite what psychiatric expert Tom Cruise said. The more human Batman briefly seen in Formerly Known as the Justice League who can appreciate the joke of giving the Martian Manhunter a Choco is true and the psychotic sphincter in the Batman titles is false. This makes so much more sense. So in summary, the more multidimensional characters of Giffin, DeMatteis and Maguire exhibit true behavior reflecting real life. The one-dimensional Big Stupid Event characters simply act like cardboard or a twisted reflection of the true heroes.

Point four. In order for super-heroes to be heroic, they have to fight crime and save lives. All the Big Stupid Event false heroes seem to accomplish is to promote misery and pessimism. The Super-Buddies in JLA Classified, however, fight the evil mirror universe counterparts, save each others’ lives and do so with panache and effective punch. At her senior prom, Buffy was given an award declaring her “Class Protector.” Despite the presence of all sorts of supernatural entities attracted to the Hellmouth, the current Sunnydale class has the lowest mortality rate of any in the school’s history. It’s been ten years at the very least; Gotham is still a pest-hole. Babs Gordon is still crippled. What has Superman done lately for the world? Hell, in the time frame between the two original Batman movies, there’s a marked improvement because of Batman in Gotham. Like Michael Keaton’s Batman and Buffy, the Super-Buddies make a difference in this book. So in summary, the false heroes in the Big Stupid Event books let each other die, brush each other off and mindwipe each other while forgetting the innocent lives they’re sworn to protect.

In short, I’ll be very interested in DC comics when they return their attention to the true universe of the Super-Buddies and the world where super-heroes actually act on behalf of “truth, justice and peace for all mankind.”