Joss Whedon

“Buffy” fans demand studio order “Joss’s Grocery List” to series

Hollywood - A grocery list written by “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” creator Joss Whedon that made its way onto the Internet has become a cult hit, generating hundreds of thousands of hits. “It’s got that trademark Whedon wit,” said blogger Holly Morales, noting the “Serenity” writer/director wrote “diet moo juice” instead of “skim milk.” Tens of thousands of devoted Whedon fans have signed petitions and raised $2.5 million demanding that a studio turn “Joss’s Grocery List” into a television series by next fall.

“This is an opportunity for Hollywood to erase the injustice of canceling ‘Angel’ and ‘Firefly’ by giving Joss’s newest work of genius a home,” said Morales, who is also Chief Slayer of a new group called “Joss’s Grocery Shoppers.” “I have read Joss’s grocery list 148 times and I can tell you it’s smarter, funnier, and more compelling than anything currently on TV.

“God, I would give anything to grocery shop for Joss,” she added.

In addition to “diet moo juice,” Whedon reminds himself - or whoever does his grocery shopping - that he needed “Cran[berry] Juice,” “raisin bran,” and “burgers - turkey or some other animal that’ll delay the heart attack a few years.”

According to representatives for several grocery chains, sales of the items on Whedon’s leaked list have shot up 173% since it began spreading on the Internet.

“Of course I can only hope that by eating what Joss eats, I’ll get one-one thousandth of one percent of his genius,” said “Joss’s Grocery Shoppers” Associate Slayer in charge of fund raising Susanna Schmidt. “But as I have told all our members, it’s also incredibly important that we support the food on Joss’s list. If his local grocery store is ever out of something he wants, it could impact his creative process. That could cause problems for the ‘Wonder Woman’ movie he’s working on or, Joss willing, the much rumored second ‘Buffy’ film.”

It’s unclear how Whedon’s grocery list first made its way onto the Internet, but “Joss’s Grocery Shoppers” leaders noted the blog that first posted it has also recently obtained the left side of a shredded electric bill, an empty milk carton, and a used strand of dental floss that all, according to fingerprints and DNA tests, belonged to the “Buffy” creator.

All the major broadcast networks declined to comment on Whedon’s grocery list, citing ongoing negotiations. But a representative for Sci-Fi Channel said his network has a standing offer to develop any utterance, scribble, or doodle by Whedon into a series, just as it has for Sam Raimi and the late Gene Roddenberry.

Through a publicist, Whedon said he “appreciates all my fans’ support,” but asked that “Joss’s Grocery Shoppers” members “go bother [cult favorite ‘Veronica Mars’ creator] Rob Thomas for a while and give me a breather.”