Joss Whedon

Well, the great thing about nobody posting on comic book threads is now I can be first or nearfirst, and this can be like my own personal thread made up by me.

As the new year comes tumbling at us like a giant, heaving sack of meat, gristle and hoof-parts, making some kind of horrible screeching and staring at us with its one bloodsoaked eyeball, the joys of Christmas and family make one reflect mellowly on what we’ve learned in this year. I’d like to share a little of that with you all, unless you are under the age of eleven or between the ages of twenty four and twenty six. (These yuletide musings contain violence, partial nudity, and strong and often incoherent language.) (May contain peanuts.)

Movies: They’re hard to make. You have to work for a long time and have a lot of thoughts. And you can’t just make Tim do everything for you like before.

Flans: They keep us going. And they retain the shape of the ramekin when you turn them over, like jello does.

Stalin: Killed maybe twenty million people, but the last four million he was just phoning it in.

Compassion: It’s the thing where other people talk and you care about their stuff or something — my wife tried to explain it, but I was in and out.

Happiness: Nothing is more wonderful than the sight of your own baby in your arms. And nothing is more annoying than people who tell you that.

Kill Bill: Long.

J.J. Abrams: Mysterious. Has taken my writers but made no demands, not even a note. He did send me Drew’s ear, but I just think Drew was finished with it.

Cheese popcorn: Still important.

Serenity: uhh... nothing comes to mind. Doesn’t it mean, like, peacefulness or something?

April: Amazingly enough, actually IS the cruelest month.

Resolutions: Too many to tell, and some are federally incriminating. I’m not perfect (I’m prefectly PROPORTIONED, which is where that confusion comes in) and I’ve taken a cold hard look at my self in the wane of aught four. There’s changes. Work to be done. I plan to be a better, more focussed person next year, and if at all possible, have a bionic arm.

I also resolve to write more. Not like, BENDIS more, but a lot. And maybe have some protien shakes, so my body stays in good enough shape to hold up my bionic arm, which will probably be heavy.

Santa Claus: A vicious lie. (But A Christmas Carol really did happen, with the ghosts and all.)

Wonder Woman: Hmmmm....

Well, kids, the fire is slowly dying, like my kidneys, so let’s call it a night. Tomorrow I put on a little hat and raise a glass of champagne for another rotation around the sun. I may stay up till ten. Thank you all for a great year made greater by your community. And remember, stay in school. But after all, isn’t the circus a kind of school? A school of life, with dwarfs and sweaty carnies and elephants instead of learning. Stay in school or at the circus. Or in a parking lot. Or somehwere with plants, and ferns. Please leave.

Happy holidays! — The Remains of Joss Whedon.

joss | December 31, 12:05 CET