Joss Whedon

From Wonder Woman to the Flash, which stars are best suited to these roles?

In the old days, celebrities used to go out of their way to avoid being photographed in spandex and leather.

Now there’s no better career move.

Just ask Hugh Jackman, who reprises his star-making role today as Wolverine in the third X-Men, or Brandon Routh, the unknown actor now in the global spotlight, thanks to his role as the Man of Steel in June’s Superman Returns.

While the costumes of Batman (Christian Bale) and Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) are occupied for now, there is no shortage of other superheroes awaiting cinematic adaptation - and no shortage of A-list actors circling these projects in the hopes of being part of Hollywood’s next billion-dollar franchise. (Exhibit A: Nicolas Cage, who has been previously linked to almost every comic book-based flick in the pipeline and will next year star in Marvel’s Ghost Rider.)

With that in mind, we mulled which actors might be the best fit for these spandex-clad creations, all of which are coming soon to a multiplex near you.

• • • • •

WONDER WOMAN

OUR PICK: As much as we adore Lilly, we’d go with Biel, who is young (she could churn out two sequels before morphing into Cougar Woman), gorgeous and buff (see her in Blade: Trinity).

• • • • •

CAPTAIN AMERICA

THE MOVIE: No director or star. Marvel wants it out by 2009.

HE’S GOT: Enhanced strength and an impenetrable shield.

THREADS: Stars. Stripes. Dorky wings on his head.

UP FOR THE PART: This was Brad Pitt’s favourite comic book.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Donald Rumsfeld.

OUR PICK: Pitt. That shield will come in handy when Jennifer Aniston puts on enough weight to lift a gun.

• • • • •

THE SUB-MARINER

THE MOVIE: Back in development after Harry Potter director Chris Columbus dropped out.

HE’S GOT: A bad attitude, gills, superstrength and wings on his feet.

THREADS: If having wings on your feet wasn’t humiliating enough, this King of Atlantis is naked except for bracelets and green bikini briefs.

UP FOR THE PART: Matt Damon, Nicolas Cage and The Rock.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Philip Seymour Hoffman.

OUR PICK: The Rock, because feet-wings and bikini briefs still aren’t as embarrassing as wrestling.

• • • • •

IRON MAN

THE MOVIE: Jon Favreau (Zathura) has signed on to direct.

HE’S GOT: Armour that lets him fly and blast things to smithereens.

THREADS: Think RoboCop meets Sir Lancelot.

UP FOR THE PART: Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage have both expressed interest in the role.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Cruise, who entered the Bizarro Universe last year and hasn’t been heard from since.

OUR PICK: Convincingly suave and smart George Clooney.

• • • • •

THE JOKER

THE MOVIE: The Batman Begins sequel, due in 2008, is expected to introduce the scenery-chewing villain last played by Jack Nicholson.

HE’S GOT: A killer smile.

THREADS: More purple than Prince.

UP FOR THE PART: Who isn’t? The list of contenders includes Johnny Depp, Sean Penn, Adrien Brody, Paul Bettany and Jude Law.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Vin Diesel.

OUR PICK: Napoleon Dynamite’s Jon Heder: “It’s a poison-gas pellet - gosh!”

• • • • •

THE FLASH

THE MOVIE: David Goyer (Blade: Trinity) will direct this film about the fastest man alive.

HE’S GOT: Fleet feet.

THREADS: Red tights and lightning bolts on his head.

UP FOR THE PART: Goyer has said he wants Ryan Reynolds to star.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Kevin Smith.

OUR PICK: After Just Friends, Reynolds is out of steam. How about Leonardo DiCaprio?

• • • • •

SILVER SURFER

THE MOVIE: Rumour has it the character may be introduced in next year’s Fantastic Four 2. We hope not since Fantastic Four 2 will undoubtedly be as crappy as Fantastic Four 1.

HE’S GOT: A rad surfing board, dude.

THREADS: Silvery bodysuit. Or maybe he just has no genitals.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: They’d cast Bjork.

OUR PICK: Dude, who better than Keanu Reeves to inhabit a metaphysical hero who surfs more than he emotes?

• • • • •

GREEN LANTERN

THE MOVIE: Jack Black was rumoured to playing this ring-powered intergalactic hero for laughs.

HE’S GOT: The ring comes - shockingly - with a lantern.

THREADS: Mask and tights.

UP FOR THE PART: It’s up for grabs. Black’s off the project.

IN THE BIZARRO UNIVERSE: How is this not the Bizarro Universe when Black is being considered to star?

OUR PICK: If you’re going to make it a comedy, Jim Carrey. If you’re going to play it straight, we suggest Jake Gyllenhaal.