Buffy The Vampire Slayer

’I love fanfic. I’m not really allowed to read Buffy [stories] but I do read other fandoms. There’s some great stuff out there. Also some crappy stuff, but people should feel free to read or write that as well’ - Jane Espenson

’On the subject of fanfic, I am aware that a good deal of it is naughty. My reaction to that is mixed; on one hand, these are characters played by friends of mine, and the idea that someone is describing them in full naughtitude is a little creepy. On the other hand, eroticising the lives of fictional characters you care about is something we all do, if only in our heads, and it certainly shows that people care. So I’m not really against erotic fic and I certainly don’t mind the other kind. I wish I’d had this kind of forum when I was a kid’ - Joss Whedon

I was computer illiterate until a couple of years ago. I had no idea what fanfic meant. Nor did I know what the terms shipper, slash, or het meant. Finally, I reached the end of the third edition of Keith Topping’s Slayer series of books when he proclaims in the Internet section that a web site called ’Bad Girls’ was a must for those that have not yet explored the exciting worlds of shipper and slash fic. So I decided to check it out.

That night, I logged on to my computer and went to badgirls.fishonastick.com. Atop the website sexy pictures of Alyson Hannigan and Sarah Michelle Gellar that let you know what’s to come. I went into the ’BuffySmut’ section of the site and opened up a fanfic story called ’After The Patrol’ that was described with odd unfamiliar terms like B/W and Slash. When I began reading it, I was treated to a thoroughly foreign story about Buffy and Willow masturbating and, later, having hot sex in their dorm room.

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this so I went to sleep.

The next day, though, because I was so utterly appalled by what appeared on this web site, I logged on again. This time, I logged on to the ’DawnSmut’ portion of the website. Here is where I read such pornographic gems as ’Baby-Sitting’, ’Night Games’, and (the horribly titled) ’Clit’.

In a few short weeks, I was an old hand at the fanfic game. If I saw a story that was described as A/F/B, I knew that it involved Angel, Buffy, and Faith getting into a ménage a trois.

Something that surprised me about this explicitly horny fic was how well written a lot of it is. I guess you could chalk this up to the fact that Buffy The Vampire Slayer is the kind of show that warrants intelligent viewers. I could see it even in the Comments section of the articles on this site. There is intelligent, meaningful conversation about the show.

One thing I found pretty terrible about the whole game was when I found out what the term ’shipper’ meant. A shipper, from what I’ve gathered, is someone who really pulls for a specific relationship between characters on the show. There are Angel/Buffy shippers, Spike/Buffy shippers. Hell, even Xander/Dawn shippers. I think it’s unfair to support a specific relationship in the show. Does this mean that Spike/Buffy shippers are pissed off that Angel is returning at the end of season seven? Were the Angel/Buffy shippers annoyed when Spike became a regular? How is this productive? I don’t know. Enjoy it for what it is.

Meanwhile, I was at the height of my BuffyPorn obsession when a friend of mine named Caroline informed me that there is such a thing as non-smutty fanfic. Non-smutty fanfic? What’s the point? This concept puzzled me.

So I went onto a website called the Fire Ice Archive. Much of this non-smutty fanfic surprised me with its emotional intensity. Granted, I haven’t read too much of it, but what I have read, I feel I have to give some sort of praise. Hence this article.

That’s when I decided to branch out into fanfic for other shows. I visited adultfanfiction.net where I was pleased to find a great deal of interesting (and, yes, very graphic) stories. Someone who goes by BuffyFaith19 wrote a brilliant Gilmore Girls fic, a couple of pretty decent Buffy ones, and an intensely disgusting (so much so that I couldn’t take my eyes away) 7th Heaven fic.

Here I was, the guy who, until a month ago didn’t know what fanfic was, reading a fic for a show I don’t even watch. It truly is an addicting format.

That’s when I sat down to try my hand at writing one. ’What the Hell’, I thought. ’It can’t be that hard’. Here’s some news, ladies and gentleman. It’s pretty hard. I sat down to write a story about Buffy finally giving Jonathan a chance for a date (and wouldn’t you know it, she gives him a chance in the sack as well) and I just couldn’t do it. I got through about three paragraphs and it all seemed a bit too sordid to keep it up.

It’s incredible how the writers of these fanfics write these thoroughly graphic sex scenes without making you feel like a dirty pervert. Am I dirty pervert? You tell me.

That’s about that, I suppose.

One more thing:

Anyone out there have some fic of their own that they want me to critique or something? E-mail me. Go ahead. Do it.

And finally, THE SHOUT OUT OF THE WEEK: I’m currently reading what I think is a pretty popular book called ’Bite Me’ by Nikki Stafford. It’s an entirely interesting read. Ms. Stafford puts incredible thought into each episode and her opinions are far more interesting to read than mine. There’s also a ridiculously hard hundred-question quiz in it. I got 36 correct. That’s how hard it is. It really is a fantastic book. Read it. I’m serious.