Melinda Clarke

#2. Melinda Clarke’s Hookers Can’t Commit

Offending Roles:

Lady Heather on TV’s CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Nandi on TV’s Firefly

Inexplicable Similarity:

They turn to the male lead for help when a girl from the brothel they run gets into trouble and worries for her other girls’ safety. They then discover a mutual chemistry and eventually sleep together, but after he helps, their romance turns into friendship and mutual respect, just like in real life on planet Zongo.

C.S.I. (The first one, in Las Vegas):

When one of women working at Lady Heather’s brothel turns up dead in a sandbox, forensic entomologist Gil Grissom and company show up to investigate. Gil is immediately drawn in by the dominatrix’s seductive talk and big ol’... uh, bangs.

"So how much do you charge? We need to know for the case and stuff."

In her second appearance, Lady Heather is reunited with Gil when another murder leads him back to her Internet-savvy whorehouse and things heat up between them. Of course, because a lot of old people watch the C.S.I.’s and would take issue with their favorite investigator banging a whore, Gil and Heather’s sexin’ had was merely implied off-screen.

Thanks a lot, gramps.

Lady Heather returns several more times (eventually making the transition from dominatrix to therapist) and she and Gil become friends, and she helps him sort out his feelings, and, we’d guess, locate his missing balls.

Firefly:

When one of Nandi’s girls gets knocked up by a powerful and dangerous man named Rance Burgess, space cowboy Malcolm Reynolds is called in to protect her and the other space whore. Malcolm is immediately drawn in by her seductive talk and big ol’... uh, bangs. Because a lot of Firefly’s fans are horny geeks, the two go at it on-screen with plenty of almost nudity.

Mal... just, come on... to the left... move over...

Afterwards, Malcolm feels odd because he’s in love with Inara, Nandi’s old friend. While preparing for battle with Rance’s men, Nandi talks things out with Malcolm and helps him sort his feelings out.

Logical Conclusion:

Melinda Clarke has daddy issues.