Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Optimism In My Life (Spring 1999) :

Tu-tum, tu-tum, tu-tum, tu-tum. Your heart races, your palms start to sweat, you feel anxious and worried and hopeful at the same time. And then you hear the answer. She was great, really amazing, incredibly talented but a little too young, or a little too old. Rejection. It’s something everyone has to get used to. Especially when you are in the entertainment business. Being an actress, I did my very first commercial when I was 3 years old. Part of my success I can attribute to my best friend, my mom. She has always taught me to believe in myself, to have a bright and positive outlook on life, to always aim for the best and abolish all negative influence. That is what optimism means to me. Let me share with you how many times optimism has guided me to the doors of success. When I was 7 years old. I auditioned for a movie called "When A Man Loves A Woman." I went to meet with the casting director, then on to the director and producers, and finally I had a screentest. They flew my mom and I to Los Angeles, because I lived in New York. I was of course, very excited. I loved the project and I had my heart set on it. It came time to do the screentest and everything went great, everyone loved me and thought I did a really great job. They thought I was really talented and very sweet. We flew back to New York and the following day we were told that I didn’t get it. The girl who did get it was a year and a half older than I was, being older, she was able to work longer and she was more mature in her appearance. I right away assumed that they just didn’t like me, that I did a bad job. My mom explained to me why the other girl got the part, that it was not because of me, but of things I could not control. She told me not to worry because something bigger and better would come along. Sure enough she was right. A few years later I got a movie. My mom had helped me to look at the brighter side, to stay optimistic through a tough experience. Having heard that advice I really understood the value of being an optimist. Secondly, being successful in this business meant that I had to go through a lot of rumors being passed around about me, made up by people who are jealous of my hard work. Having a good attitude helped me to realize that they are just words, as I used to say when I was younger, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Being a professional actor especially requires a great deal of optimism. Through rejection and rumors, and everything else. For my education, when I am on set I have to work twice as hard to keep up my grades. Optimism inspires and helps me to do that. Having a healthy and positive outlook on life helps me to achieve goals I have set for myself. The values that I carry through my life, the respect that I have for other people around me, as well as the respect I have for myself all lead up to one vital key element, OPTIMISM.

A Lantern in the Window (Winter 1999) :

I could hear their guns echoing in the distance. I knew I didn’t have much time. I thought my heart would just burst out of my chest it was beating so strongly. I didn’t see anything around me, just what lay ahead. I felt the mud in between my toes, felt the stones cutting into my feet, the branches scratching at my face, the sweat pouring into my eyes, blinding me, but that didn’t matter to me now. Nothing mattered but being free. I looked desperately around for any signs of the "railroad," but saw none. As I ran through the lake I kept reminding myself that this is all worth having freedom, kept trying to think how much happier I will be, and how much happier my children, and my children’s children will be if they are free. No one should have to be a slave. Harriet gave us the courage to see that.

I know I found myself looking for that courage. Trying to find a reason to go on, not to give up. I knew I would uncover the passage if I went back. I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t take away peoples hopes of being free just because I couldn’t take it. All of a sudden I could not breathe, could not run. I just felt myself dropping. I knew this was the end. I was not destined to be free. They would just burn my bones for some masters fire. I could hear the dogs barking and the men screaming. I could practically smell the gunpowder. I sunk deeper into darkness, deeper, deeper, deeper. I took one last breath and looked up. That’s when I saw it. It reminded me why I was here. Told me not to give up. Told me I could be free. I felt the power shoot through my legs and I began to run.

That was 40 years ago. Now when I see my grandchildren’s eyes look into mine, I think about what gave me the courage. I keep one in my window to show that anything can happen. I owe my freedom to that LANTERN IN THE WINDOW.

Untitled Poem (Fall 1998) :

A rose as red as blood Has touched the lips of death It has withered at the sight Never to shine again

A rose as red as blood Now brown as dirt Has breathed its last breath Never to breath again

As rose as red as blood Will bleed no more...

A Work of Historical Fiction (Fall 1998) :

Dear Journal, I have been on this wretched boat for...., Oh, I have lost track of the days. I am so weak, my scurvy is at it’s worst and I have no will to live. I have now come to realize my terrible fate. I am to die at sea. How foolish I was to believe the captain, with his fake promises of wealth as well as fame. I look back at myself now, so eager to be rich, how selfish and stupid. The harsh reality of life. I know we will never see land. It was all a dream. I feel faint all the time. I have hallucinations everyday, I see my family, my friends, my home. I will never live to see them again. I have heard rumors of a mutiny .I would not be surprised. The work has been so strenuous. I... I..., wait, I hear yells, shouts, I hear, wait yes, the captain has yelled "Land-Ho!" I must go.

(2 days later)

Dear beautiful, amazing, lovely journal! It is true! We have reached land. My throat is hoarse from yelling and singing. My face is sunburnt from staring up at the sky and thanking GOD. I have drank so much ale that I do not think I will need to drink for another year! My scurvy is almost gone. I feel like I have been born again. I cannot express to you dear journal, how much happiness is in my heart and my body currently. I wake up, for 2 days now, smelling wonderful flowers, the pure clean soil, the new dew on, on, on, the amazing trees! I am at a loss for words. Everything is so breathtaking. The lush landscape seems to stretch endlessly, and the sun shines with such intensity I feel as though I am blinded by its immense shine & glory. I find myself crying, not out of sadness, but of joy. Of sheer joy.

Now that I look back, the endless days of work, the suffering, the death, all of it worth it, for this wonder! The wonderful smell of life! I lay on the grass kissing it, because, well, I do not know I am just so full of sheer joy. I have never been happier! I am kissing & hugging everyone! Laughing of joy when I see bugs. Bugs! And the birds! Oh how beautiful! I must go, we are setting camp up and I must help. Farewell!