The Best & Worst Television ’04

From Jim Gandolfini to Jim Belushi, what we liked and what we spiked in 2004

We could fall back on Dickensian paraphrase ("It was the best of seasons, it was the worst of seasons..."), or try to isolate a theme that summed up the torrent of good, bad and indifferent programming that coursed through our sets during the past year. Fact is, there’s so much TV of every kind that instead we’ve taken a highly unscientific and nakedly subjective straw vote among our team’s usual gang of vidiots, splitting the difference.

Here are the shows we had to watch because they were so good (and a few because they weren’t), as well as the shows that made us want to grab the remote and click elsewhere.

BEST/WORST NEW SHOW

Best: "Deadwood" "Desperate Housewives" drew jaw-dropping Nielsen numbers, "Lost" tantalized with over-the-top plot twists, but the best new series of the year was "Deadwood," David Milch’s evocatively reinvented Western. With its rich (and baroquely profane) dialogue, a large cast of refugees, outlaws and grotesques, and towering performances by Ian McShane and Brad Dourif, this was not your father’s horse opera.

And by populating this lawless, rough-hewn new town with characters that didn’t sort neatly into heroes and villains, Milch gave us a show we’ll savor watching again on DVD.

Runners-up: "Rescue Me" — Denis Leary proves (again) that he’s a riveting actor, not just a scabrous, darkly funny comic, as he imbues his firefighting saga with rage, sorrow and wit.

"Lost" — The best series ever inspired by a paranoid network chief. Sci-fi, satire, horror and soap opera all figure in the whiplash-inducing narrative, and a huge cast promises the water cooler buzz will continue.

"Veronica Mars" — A smart, credible teen heroine (the wonderful Kristin Bell) makes this mystery series worth rooting for. The ratings have been weak, but UPN’s vote of confidence gives us hope.

"Desperate Housewives" — We’d be sick of it already if the fizzy tone and solid cast didn’t make it worth the hype.

Worst: "Joey" Matt LeBlanc is still a charming dummy, Drea de Matteo flexes serious comedy chops and Jennifer Coolidge is a reliable hoot. Yet long shadow of "Friends" makes this spin-off less than the sum of its parts, and all the more disappointing because of it. The plastic surgery jokes at deMatteo’s expense were tiresome by episode two.

Runners-up: "LAX" — Finally, a show that even Heather Locklear can’t resuscitate. If we already dread going to the airport, why would we want to tune in to visit one?

"Medical Investigation" — Neal McCullough was riveting on "Boomtown," but this, sir, is no "Boomtown." Given the bumper crop of new medical dramas, we’ll take "House."

"Center of the Universe" — A roomful of Emmy and Oscar winners does not guarantee success when the premise and scripts are lame.

"dr. vegas" — We love Joe Pantoliano, and we appreciate Rob Lowe’s capacity for self-parody. But even as a guilty pleasure, this sawbones-in-the-casino dramedy was a bad bet.

BEST/WORST DRAMA

Best: "The Wire" There may never have been more crime dramas on the airwaves, as the networks wage the war of the franchises. But while "CSI" banks on gross-out FX and sullen heroes, and "Law & Order" continues cloning its binary cops/lawyers template, the most intelligent drama on TV relies on brilliant scripts, layered performances (especially by Dominic West) and intricate storytelling. Under David Simon’s supervision, "The Wire" reaches for the detail and nuance of a novel, not an episodic series, and it relies on a writing staff noteworthy for actual novelists to achieve that goal.

Runners-up: "The Sopranos" — A dispiriting fifth season, for all the right reasons. David Chase dares to follow the chaotic consequences of his twin families’ lousy choices.

"The O.C." — It’s soapy, it’s hip, it’s teen-driven, but it’s also shrewder than that formula suggests. Josh Schwartz has built a split-level soap that likes its grown-up characters as much as its telegenic younger set.

"Angel" — The "Buffy" spin-off carved out its own, increasingly audacious and even whimsical universe before taking its final bow in season five.

"Without a Trace" — If "CSI" embodies Jerry Bruckheimer’s assembly line instincts, "Without a Trace" and "Cold Case" attest to his strengths in bringing big screen skill to the tube. "Trace" boasts a solid cast, headed by the terrific Anthony LaPaglia.

Worst: "CSI: Miami" Call it Unreality TV. The forensic crime empire’s second entry gives us designer office spaces and a team that favors suits and even leather in the swelter of the Gold Coast. Only the décolletage enables cast members to cool off. David Caruso’s over-the-top intensity makes us watch for the same reason we used to catch "Walker: Texas Ranger" — it’s caricature of cartoon dimensions. Fit and finish may be polished to big screen standards, but the plots and characters don’t fly.

Runners-up: "Third Watch" — The original triptych of police, firefighters and paramedics has been manhandled with lurching excursions into soap opera and can-you-top-this catastrophes. Recent episodes are much improved, especially in production values, but can you un-jump the shark?

"NYPD Blue" — In which that last question is almost answered in the affirmative. In its final season, Dennis Franz is wonderful, but Jimmy Smits’ return as the Ghost of Seasons Past was cynical, sweeps-pandering schmuck bait and a telling sign of the show’s decline.

BEST/WORST COMEDY

Best: "Arrested Development" This year’s best rebuttal to the oft-reported "death of the sitcom" earned its Emmy nods and critics’ raves by ignoring the genre’s more tired conventions. Out with laugh tracks and stereotypes, in with the antic trials of the dysfunctional Bluth family, and voila, it’s comedy gold. A sublime cast anchored by the clan’s sanest son, Jason Bateman, and spiked by Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter, David Cross, Portia deRossi and Will Arnett, clinches the deal.

Runners-up: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" — A fake news show did a better, more truthful job of mirroring a surreal world than any of the networks ’real’ news shows.

"The Simpsons" — Sweet 16 and still indispensable, Matt Groening’s 2-D saga retains its subversive edge.

"Chapelle’s Show" — Dave Chapelle may be the most fearless comedian on television, eager to shred PC boundaries. Good for him, and for us.

"Entourage" — In the course of eight episodes, HBO’s sly look at a newly-minted celeb and his posse nailed its milieu with an easy charm.

Worst: "According to Jim" In the spirit of consensus, we can actually point to different reasons our star chamber of TV geeks crowned this creaky family laffer (to use Variety’s style) with a conical hat: For one pundit, it was a sweeping indictment of "anything with Jim Belushi in it," while another dinged "Jim" for its tired notion of the cute, representative suburban clan. Either way, according to us, it’s a dud.

Runners-up: "Father of the Pride" — Yes, it was cute, and there were some racy gags for the parents, but apart from campy CGI counterparts for Siegfried & Roy," the show was a yawn.

"Saturday Night Live" — "Weekend Update’s" still fun, and we have our faves among the cast, but past season has been uneven, hardly helped by some lame guest hosts. Better luck next year, Lorne.

REALITY TV

Best: "The Apprentice" Shameless product placements, some truly unpleasant contestants and The Donald’s bottomless quiver of self-congratulatory superlatives dulled its sophomore season, but this boardroom smackdown is still our favorite reality TV fix. For starters, it’s a competition that’s close enough to the workaday world (even if we don’t get to drive Lamborghinis or hop helicopters) to actually resonate with viewers’ real challenges. Big plus: Carolyn’s expanded role shows why she’s a stakeholder, while adding barbed comic relief.

Runners-up: "The Amazing Race" — Proof that unscripted success doesn’t demand humiliation or voyeurism to snag Nielsens.

"Film School" — More documentary than conventional reality show, a fascinating look at NYU film students shooting their first films.

"Bands Reunited" — The jokes lie in these forgotten one-hit wonders. The surprises lie in how much we care about whether they’ll play again ...even if we hated the song.

"2004 World Series of Poker" — Maybe there aren’t any stunts, but nothing generates real tension like millions of bucks in the pot.

Worst: "The Swan" Anyone who’s ever been a teenager or raised one should be repulsed by a show that thinks it really is all about the packaging. Watching the show’s team of life coaches, cosmetic surgeons and trainers groom contestants into largely interchangeable if not identical sex objects takes Stepford into your living room. That the show’s producers actually think beauty (like wealth) can buy you happiness is both creepy and sad.

Runners-up: "The Real Gilligan’s Island" — And the point for this exercise would be...?

"The Next Action Star" — Jerry Bruckheimer’s slam-bang film craft yields a truly boring reality show. The TV movie built around the winners was truly incoherent and a new low point in the already dubious career of Billy Zane.

"The Next Great Champ" — This pre-emptive rip-off of the upcoming Mark Burnett/Sylvester Stallone ringside reality show took a dive, fast.

"Laguna Beach" — MTV’s answer to "The O.C." is a disappointment from the service that brought us the original "Real World" dish.

TV on DVD

Best: "Freaks and Geeks — The Complete Series" Paul Feig and Judd Apatow’s 1999 series following the lives of misfits in a Michigan high school was a classic cult fave, overlooked and underestimated by network brass while fiercely embraced by critics and an audience that lobbied hard for its survival. Resuscitating the show for DVD release required the same fierce devotion, but the results are a triumphant rebuttal to its cancellation. Even more than "My So-Called Life," "Freaks" captures the purgatory of high school with loving, lacerating detail. The special features on the regular version set a new standard for TV packages.

Runners-up: "Angels in America" — Mike Nichols’ translation of Tony Kushner’s stage epic for the screen swept the Emmys for all the right reasons.

"SCTV Network 90: Volume 1" — The apogee of the Toronto-based sketch comedy group’s brilliant TV work. Trumps "SNL" any night of the week.

"The Office: The Complete Collection" — A slim bonanza, combining both full seasons of the razor-sharp Britcom with its bittersweet "special finale."

"The Wire — The Complete First Season" — Creator David Simon has confessed that the show is shot with DVD in mind. Each viewing reveals new details in this absorbing, unique crime drama.