Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Published October 5, 2003

The problem is, we already nabbed the best girls name the first time around.

"We need to come up with a list," my wife said back then.

I had been listening to Carly Simon that morning.

I said, "Carly."

"Hmm, Carly," my wife said approvingly.

And that was that.

It was catchy and easy to spell. It was a name and a nickname combined. If she became president, she could go with the more formal Caroline at state dinners. And it wasn’t anywhere near the top of the most-used names list.

Given that success, I anticipated no problem the second time around when my wife said, "We need to come up with a list."

I had been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer that evening.

I said, "Willow."

"We are not naming our child after a witch on Buffy !" my wife said.

I don’t see why not. While Willow did try to destroy the world once, most of the time she was an excellent student, loyal friend, voracious reader and fine role model.

More important, I spent five years watching the name in action. I heard it shouted and whispered. I heard it uttered in anger and jest. It worked for both intimate moments and Armageddon.

It is a name that over time settles in and takes root.

Dr. Willow Thomas.

Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States of America, Willow Thomas.

I love you, Will.

Willow ! You get back in this house right now, young lady !

"Willow is not up for discussion," my wife said. "We agreed on Faith."

She brought up Faith two weeks ago, and I said definitely not.

But in the spirit of compromise, I offered : "Willow Faith Thomas."

"Sarah," countered my wife.

I checked the Internet. Sarah was the eighth most popular name of 2002 and the fifth most popular in 2001.

Speaking as someone named Mike, I want no top 10 names.

This has been the story of my life : Someone says, "Hey, Mike."

Six people in the room turn around and say, "Yeah."

I feel so mass produced. Mike doesn’t have dimension or versatility. It is a moniker, like broom or mop.

A good name should come with a shortened spinoff for everyday conversation, saving the long version for formal occasions or yelling.

Lizzy for Elizabeth.

Sam for Samantha.

I’m not alone in liking it. Samantha is a top 10 name.

I like Meg, the spinoff for Margaret and Megan. I just don’t like Margaret or Megan.

Then I think of one of my buddies, Jim. He is half surfer dude and half Lance Armstrong. The only thing he loves more than his boy toys is his daughter, Zoe.

Years back, during our bike races, it was Zoe this and Zoe that.

"Gotta get home and see Zoe," he’d say.

I never met Zoe and had nobody with whom to associate the name. So whenever I heard it, I simply translated it into : "She whom Daddy loves most."

It’s a name and nickname all in one. It isn’t in the top 10.

"Zoe," I said to my wife.

"Hmm, Zoe," she said approvingly.