Nathan Fillion

Not that scary, not that funny, but plenty icky

Slither slimes into theaters, an old-fashioned creature-feature in which the emphasis is on cheese. Or, in this case, Cheez Whiz.

This writing-directing debut from the guy who concocted that ripoff known as Dawn of the Dead isn’t that scary, and it isn’t nearly as funny as he seems to think it is. So it all comes down to the "ick" factor, which is plenty icky.

Nathan Fillion showed a talent for droll, profane resignation in TV’s Firefly and its big-screen incarnation, Serenity. He plays the sheriff in tiny Wheelsy, S.C. He reacts to the yahoos he works with and lives among. And we laugh.

A meteor crashes. Bugs get out. And the first guy they invade is local rich guy and cradle-robber Grant Grant, who very slowly — too slowly — infects the rest of the town, and hunts every bit of raw meat on the menu,

The sheriff rounds up a posse to hunt down Grant Grant. And the bugs hit the fan as a woman gives birth to jillions of them. They proceed to slime into any orifice they can find.

Scenes come to a dead end with little sense of anything that drives us to the next one. Without fear, there is no urgency. And Slither lumbers along at a — sorry — snail’s pace.

film review

’Slither’

H1/2