Review: ’ON THE LOT’ - SEASON ONE - Episode 107

How is this craptacular reality show still on the air? Please inform us why.

Grade: C-

Stars: Carrie Fisher, Garry Marshall, Adrianna Costa

Director: Michael A Simon

Release Date: June 26, 2007

Rating: NR

I’m offended at Fox. Offended that ON THE LOT is still on the air. Given how terrible the ratings have been, how dreadful this reality show has conducted itself, the missed opportunities and the appallingly bad films – how can this freaking show still be on the air!? Fox has cancelled far better shows such as FIREFLY, WONDERFALLS, ANDY RICHTER CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE and so much more far before their time some with better ratings that ON THE LOT, yet this show continues to plug along week after week bad short film after bad short film.

Had they approached this from the get go as an AMERICAN IDOL rip off instead of just another drama filled reality show (oh but this time with and about movie making), maybe – a big maybe – they would have garnered a better audience. Instead the AMERICAN IDOL portion of the show only began shortly after two or three episodes had already tainted a majority of the population to the show.

But even then they could have salvaged the show by giving them instead of just an open forum to make whatever damn movie they wanted instead giving them genres to operate in – horror, action, drama, comedy, romance or thriller. They did this with the very first film having them direct a short comedy but after that it was like they said “Hey, this show is already FUBAR’d make whatever God damn film you feel like.”

Even given its current format they could have narrowed the pain and just run HOUSE re-runs the whole summer by eliminating a big group of them right first. Dragging this sh** out by just eliminating one contestant each week is like a prolonged root canal.

The addition of Adrianna Costa was smart despite the fact that she fumbles over her lines each and every week at least she’s a hot POA (that’s piece of ass to the uninformed) that you can check out while wading through the crap that these people are putting together. Then there are the judges. The addition of Garry Marshall was a steal and he brings it each and every week. Carrie Fisher is so scatterbrained it hurts me to see her each and every week and I have to close my eyes and think of her in the Jabba bikini to get through her comments each week. And how the hell they are still getting decent directors to appear is beyond me. Michael Bay, Wes Craven, Mark Ratner (who smartly bugged out early) and soon Eli Roth. Spielberg must have them by the short and curlies to get them to go on this sack of sh**.

Speaking of Wes Craven, how much of a waste was it to have Craven – a horror master and legend – sit through a bunch of comedies and lame dramas last week. What has his bread and butter been? Comedy? Drama? No, it is horror and yet the only attempt at a horror film that was shown from last week was some lame thing about trees.

Anyway, let’s discuss the batch of films from this week’s episode that showed yet another group (this time of six) to present their movies. Let’s start with the best and work our way down. Zach’s “Die Hardly Working” was by far and away the best, very best of the bunch and can we just give this guy the award because he has hit it out of the park every single time. He can do special effects, he can write comedy, he can do action, what more do we need to see?

Shalini has been pretty consistent as well although not as good as Zach, her “Dr. In-Law” was decent enough to carry her through. And finally Hilary delivered something that wasn’t complete (in the words of Gordon Ramsay) f**king sh**. How she has made it this long is a mystery but she must have a large family block as one of the few people watching this show and voting to have stayed this long.

Adam and Will were decent enough but any college film student probably could have recreated them and David, oh my, did he bomb with his crap “How to Have a Girl.” Not only did it suck ass but it wasn’t even funny and left everyone wondering what the point was.

Here’s hoping they chop out the bottom three and move this train wreck along fast.