You think you’ve got people that are difficult to shop for? They’re nothing compared to us ...

Because we at the Entertainer know that you’ve been shopping for that perfect gift for us, we’ve decided to make it easy on you with the following gift guide.

Of course, if you’re unsure of our sizes, or don’t feel comfortable overburdening our local mail system with a deluge of last-minute gifts, feel free to use the following list for that hard-to-shop-for someone a little closer to your heart.

Also, just in case you actually decide that the holidays are a time to help others, we’ve each included our favorite local charity. And by holidays, we mean all of the above. Enjoy:

Jake TenPas’ too cool

for Christmas wish list

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection 40 DVD box set: The biggest misconception about Buffy is that it’s only for women. When a good friend once gave me a bad time for watching it, I replied, “Yeah, what red-blooded American man would want to watch Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson Hannigan, Emma Caulfield and Eliza Dushku fight evil in skin-tight clothes?” But the truth is, this is one of the best-written, most thematically creative shows of all time, eye candy or no. It’s like the spoonful of sugar that helps the feminism go down. With every episode from all seven seasons packed into this ridiculously awesome, reasonably priced collection, it’s the end-all, be-all of Buffy boxes.

One of the CDs on my “Quest List”: No matter how insane a music geek you are, you occasionally stumble upon a CD so difficult to procure that you add it to your “Quest List,” that ultimate wish list of obscure titles you either wait for some tiny record label to reissue or pray to stumble upon at Amoeba Music the next time you’re in the Bay Area. Currently topping my list are, “Lick My Decals Off, Baby” by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band, “Warrior on the Edge of Time” by Hawkwind, and “Star Sailor” and “Blue Afternoon” by the late, great Tim Buckley. While you might be asking yourself, if Jake TenPas can’t find it what hope do I have, allow me to suggest a more positive query: “Ask not what Jake TenPas can do for you, but what you can do for Jake TenPas.” Go forth and scour the bins, my children.

A new peacoat: Six years ago I was shopping in Seattle, when I came across a genuine issue Coast Guard peacoat and bought it on a whim. Since then, it’s been the most reliable, heavy-duty winter coat I own, and thanks to its classic construction it never goes out of style. The problem is, because the fabric is so thick and durable, no stitching seems to last more than a few months. And because I can’t sew to save my life, my kindly mother is getting totally fed up with me showing up at family functions bearing my coat and a pathetic look of appeal on my face. As much as it pains me to admit it, the time has finally come to seek out a new military-issue peacoat to cover my decidedly non-military frame.

Frank Miller’s Complete Sin City Library: A true comic geek would probably berate me for not seeking out the original trades of these classic graphic novels of guns, goons, dames, dope and dementia, and that’s just fine. If Marv can take being beaten, slashed, shot, hit by a car and ultimately electrocuted on his way to redemption, then I can take a simple verbal beatdown. Here’s every book of Frank Miller’s brilliantly concise, artistically distilled neo-noir world for you to go slumming in any time the fancy strikes you.

A bottle of genuine Absinthe: Not that Absente nonsense they try to pass off in America, but the real deal “Green Fairy” that made Hemmingway plunge headfirst into barroom brawls and Van Gogh cut his own ear off to impress a woman. While the U.S. Food and Drug Administration bars the sale of Absinthe due to it’s Wormwood content, it can be found in a number of European countries and, of course, on the Internet. If you can find some for yourself, why not share the love and send a bottle to your local nightlife correspondent?

A donation to the Center Against Rape and Domestic Violence - What better cause is there than an organization that offers women counseling, shelter and assistance in forming escape strategies from the abusive people in their life. As our society continues to objectify and degrade women, this is a way for you to make a tangible difference in the lives of those affected.

Pat Amacher’s hectic holiday wish list

A year’s worth of visits to “Critter Cleaners” for Benny Amacher, elderly dachshund: Now, I know it’s not Benny’s fault that he is a long-haired wiener with a body odor problem. Maybe it’s a result of the aerobic frenzy in which he spends his days, chasing at full volume after imagined domestic menaces such as ringing telephones and television doorbells. But if I could get our overly ripe and furry dog sluiced, clipped and combed out six or eight times a year at this spiffy Philomath dog salon, at 100 S. Eighth St., which offers both reasonably-priced grooming and self-serve bathing facilities, I would like him a lot better, I might even let him up on the couch once in a while, and, most importantly, the pathetic little half-wit would just look more intelligent. This is an illusion I would like to learn to live with.

A work of art from a Philomath artist: Although the multitude of options available for fulfilling this wish could stymie the giver, almost any choice would delight me. Kathy Byrum’s often zany and always whimsical boxes, Carolee Clark’s wildly vivid paintings, Judith Sander’s intricately detailed dolls and collages, and Debbie Sundbaum-Sommers’ boldly tinted nature studies: these add up to only a few of my favorites from my home town! Of course, a walk around any of the fine galleries in Benton and Linn counties reveals treasures sure to grace a home and enrich a heart.

A 2005 Furby: Because: 1. He’s cuter and cuddlier than my 1998 model. 2. Everybody needs one toy for Christmas. 3. We all collect something; at least I’ve moved on from horse figurines. 4. In my family of four males (excluding Benny), three of whom are of the teen persuasion, I crave the company of someone who will talk to me without rolling his eyes in disgust.

A dinner out in Corvallis: I know dining out is a routine affair for many people, but it’s profoundly not ho-hum around my house. I would rather go to Big River or Iovino’s for dinner than have a massage (martinis, after all, are very relaxing), and the delicious aromas that greet me at either of these venues croon, “no cooking tonight, Sistah!” A siren’s song indeed, any time of the year.

A membership at Osborn Aquatic Center: A water sign by birth, swimming has always been my favorite activity. Facing that time of life that accounts for all those ills I address with my doctor - the “As We Age” years he keeps harping on - I’m trying to find comfortable, more nurturing methods than Tae-Bo and kamikaze aerobics to keep myself in motion. I figure that since gravity is the enemy, buoyancy could be a welcome if temporary respite. Besides, three or four visits to the pool each week would grant me some highly desirable alone time - away from cell phones, Barkin’ Benny, e-mail, and “Civilization IV” blasting away on dueling computers.

A donation to Philomath Public Schools Foundation: Although I haven’t been a member of this group’s board long enough to claim credit for the good it has done and the funds it has distributed, the strides PPSF has made toward building a community source for scholarships and classroom subsidies are impressive. A deductible donation to this non-profit foundation, a dedicated grass roots movement, would be a worthy investment in Philomath’s future - and a gift to help eventually fulfill many Christmas wishes.

Theresa Hogue’s magically delicious wish list

“Wizard of Oz” DVD: The newest release of the MGM classic has hours of extras, including a lot of vintage footage from Oz productions that pre-date the MGM film. As a life-long Oz fan, I’m more eager for the bonus material than I am to re-watch the film itself, although I attempt to watch the movie at least once a year. DVD World has a good selection of DVD special editions and collections.

“The Forgotten Arm,” Aimee Mann: Mann is one of my favorite singer-songwriters, and her albums are like novels. She calls this new work a character study, and it follows the romance of a fighter and his girlfriend in the 1970s. Mann has been in the music business for two decades, beginning as the lead singer of “Til Tuesday,” and has had a very successful career. I’ve purchased Mann’s previous albums at Grass Roots Books & Music.

Singer sewing machine: I’m secretly quite domestic, and the last two used sewing machines I had have subsequently bit the dust. I dream of a brand new machine that never spins wonky bobbins and never breaks thread mid-stitch. I’m addicted to making wrap skirts and the curtains of my podcast office need a good hem. A new sewing machine will make life much more cheerful. Albany “Target” carries Singer brand sewing machines.

“Son of A Witch,” Gregory Maguire: The author of “Wicked,” has released a sequel, following the life of the Wicked Witch of the West’s son after she is killed by Dorothy. I love Maguire’s work. I just finished reading his “Mirror, Mirror,” which sets Snow White in Italy among the evil Borgias. It’s creepy and spectacular. I picked up “Mirror, Mirror,” at the Book Bin.

Linn-Benton Food Share: My charity of choice this holiday season is the Linn-Benton Food Share. Hunger is of huge concern in Oregon, where a high percentage of families don’t know where their next meal is coming from. The Linn-Benton Food Share is a year round source of food for local families, providing food for food pantries, holiday meals and in general, attempting to address the issue of need in our community. For more information, call 752-1010.

Mary Ann Albright’s super sweet wish list

Digital Camera: The Canon Powershot SD200 is perfect for point-and-shoot people such as myself. The 3.2 mp digital elph camera has a 3x optical zoom, and 2-inch screen for viewing photos. Plus, it’s tiny and boasts a sleek, elegant design. It’s available for about $180 on Amazon.com (free shipping is available if you don’t need super speedy delivery).

“Seinfeld” Season 5 and 6 on DVD: A must-have for fans of the hit comedy show about nothing. The Web site www.deepdiscountdvd.com offers season 5 for $29.87 and season 6 for $32.37 (shipping is free!). For the diehard aficionado, a boxed set with both seasons and a commemorative puffy shirt and script is available for $77.87.

“Mary Poppins” 40th Anniversary Edition DVD: The movie about everyone’s favorite singing nanny is available on Amazon.com for $18.99.

Jim Nilsen Photographs: ArtCentric’s Winterlight showcase in downtown Corvallis sells beautifully framed prints by this Washington artist for $40. I especially like Austria #217, Venice #308 and Greece #201. Photographs can also be purchased on-line at www.jimnilsen.com.

Earrings from Sibling Revelry: This Corvallis shop offers a wide variety of beautiful, dangling earrings, most of which range in price from $15-50. I particularly like the line Firefly, which uses a lot of beautiful onyx and marcasite to create chandelier-style ear adornments. Wild Iris makes lovely, delicate designs as well.

Heartland Humane Society: As an animal lover, my local charity of choice is Heartland Humane Society (www.heartland

humane.org).

Heather Crabtree’s stack of wacky wish list

“Star Wars, Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader”: For the Star Wars enthusiast, I recommend the latest hardback by James Luceno. This book immediately follows “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.” Hardcovers usually run about $26.95, although prices vary. It can be found at any local bookstore including Walden. For those not keen on the price, check out Book Bin or any other of the used book stores in the area. I’ve found newly released books in the Star Wars series at those locations mere weeks after they’ve been released.

Gilmore Girls: If one show speaks about my life, it’s Gilmore Girls and the whole mother-daughter relationship, which is probably why this is one of my favorite shows on television. I don’t watch a lot of television, but I make time for this one. The quirky banter is just too fun to miss. The show is in its sixth season and season five was released Tuesday, Dec. 13. You can find it at the usual locales including Target and Fred Meyer.

Bookshelf: Yes, I know, I said bookshelf. Most wouldn’t think that a bookshelf would be a good holiday gift. But if you’re like me and have boxes of books, plus what’s thrown on make-shift shelves, a bookshelf is a prime new toy. Any of the local retailers - Target, Fred Meyer, etc. - will have them in various sizes from three shelf to six shelf. Prices vary depending on quality and size. Personally, I’d go with the six-shelf. You can never have too many books or places to put them.

Gift Certificates: Not just any gift certificates though! Most of the local coffee shops have gift certificates for the coffee fiends in your life. It’ll keep them happy and keep them going.