Buffy The Vampire Slayer

If the ship-disaster movies aren’t frightening enough, imagine being on a seven-day Alaska voyage with guest from Buffy and Angel.

Two weeks before moving my family from New Jersey to California, my mildly twisted father packed us in the van and took us to the theater in Palisades Park to see "Earthquake."

By the end of the film, two things were crystal clear: First, that Charlton Heston couldn’t act and even an 11-year-old could tell; and second, that I needed to convince my best friend Ben Kerman to let me live with his family for a couple of years while mine went off to that smoldering, shimmying stretch of tectonic hell called California.

Once we moved, however, it was years before my first temblor and, for the record, the dam didn’t break, buildings didn’t collapse in slo-mo and, blessedly, Heston was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe my father was setting us up with a false preconception so that the real thing wouldn’t be nearly so scary. With that in mind, here’s a partial list of movies, mostly disasters at sea, to consider renting before your next voyage. (Films are available through Netflix.com unless otherwise noted.)

— "The Poseidon Adventure" (1972): A tsunami capsizes a luxury liner on New Year’s Eve, forcing a small band of survivors to weave through the bowels of the ship (now the top). Luckily, they avoid the horrors of typical crew quarters. Scary element: Gene Hackman as a reverend. Trivia: Shelly Winters won a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Oscar.

— "Speed 2: Cruise Control" (1997): Sequel to "Speed" puts Sandra Bullock on the real 200-passenger Seabourn Legend with an evil tech genius trying to empty the ship’s safe. If you love Philipsburg, St. Martin, don’t watch the last 15 minutes. Scary element: The worst boarding of lifeboats since the Titanic.

— "Assault on a Queen" (1966): A band of would-be thieves led by Frank Sinatra use a refloated German U-boat to take over and rob the Queen Mary. The real QM, just entering retirement then, is the real star of the film. Scary element: Any point when the lovely Virna Lisi is in danger. Trivia: Rod Serling wrote the script and Duke Ellington wrote the score. Really. (Not on Netflix, but available for purchase on Amazon.com.)

— "Boat Trip" (1997): Cuba Gooding Jr. and a pal end up on a all-gay cruise, prompting insecure-male hijinks galore. Worth seeing for the Mediterranean vistas and shots of the gorgeous Olympia Voyager (now serving as a charter ship after Royal Olympia went under), as well as the well- intentioned nod to the growing field of gay and lesbian cruises. OK, so this isn’t a disaster film — until you consider that Gooding went from winning an Oscar to doing this sex comedy and "Snow Dogs."

— "Titanic" (1997), "Titanic" (1953) and "A Night to Remember" (1958): Take one unsinkable British ship, add party ice, flavor with wildly speculative personal dramas and you have films that leave you shaken and stirred. For special effects and a sense of the real ship, go with the 1997 version; for better acting, go with the 1953 film; and go for "A Night to Remember" for British accents by real British people. Scary element: I hate to give away the ending, but the ship sinks. Sorry.

Sci-fi at sea: If the ship-disaster movies aren’t frightening enough, imagine being on a seven-day Alaska voyage with 200 to 300 avid fans of television’s "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," artfully named Slayer Cruise 2007.

Florida promoter Vulkon Entertainment is taking reservations for a weeklong "convention at sea ... with a number of your favorite celebrities from both ’Buffy’ and ’Angel’ onboard" on the June 22, 2007, sailing of Royal Caribbean’s 2,000-passenger Vision of the Seas between Seattle and Alaska. The event will be include panels and seminars, celebrity photo sessions, fan-only excursions and a karaoke night with celebrity judges. (The guest lineup isn’t set, but this year’s event in June featured eight "Buffy" and "Angel" cast members, including Andy Hallet, Amber Benson and Clare Kramer.)

Not scary enough? There also will be 200 to 300 fans of all things "Star Trek" onboard the same voyage for Seatrek 2007. Vulcan vampires, anyone?

Prices for both events start at $1,700 per person, double occupancy. For more, go to www.slayercruise.com or www.scifi-cruises.com.