LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - - I don’t think Hallmark makes a card for this but Happy Pilot Season.

Because I was an accounting major in college (scary but true), I am able to put this in completely accurate mathematical terms. The chances of having a hit TV show are about a gazillion to one. Just to get a network to produce your pilot is huge. Just to land a part on a pilot is huge. But the majority of those pilots don’t get picked up and go quietly into TV obscurity.

Practically every former resident of the Peach Pit has a pilot in the works. So do James Van Der Beek, Nicholas Brendon, Alyson Hannigan, Denise Richards, Dean Cain and WB boys Jared Padelecki, Jensen Ackles, Adam Lavorgna and Milo Ventimiglia. Pilots certainly make strange bed fellows. For instance, President Palmer and Fred on "Angel" are in a CBS drama pilot with Noel from "Felicity." Of the many, many pilots in production, here are the ones I hope, sight unseen, live to tell the tale. After all I loved "Desperate Housewives" before I even met it, and that worked out pretty well.

# "The Catch": We’ve been hearing about the ABC/J.J. Abrams drama forever and it is about time the scene stealing Greg Grunberg got his own show.

# "3 Lbs": Dylan McDermott and Reiko Aylesworth (Michelle on "24") in a CBS drama about brain surgeons with Tom Fontana ("Homicide") as an executive producer? I’m in.

# "Bones": With his impeccable sense on comic timing, I was hoping David Boreanaz’s next project would be a sitcom. But this FOX drama about forensic anthropologist will do.

# "Windfall": This FOX drama would feature Lana Parrilla (Sarah from this season "24"), Sarah Wynter (Kate from second season "24") and Luke Perry. What more could I want?

# "Nobody’s Watching": "Scrubs" executive producer Bill Lawrence is behind this WB comedy about two guys who win a reality show and the prize is a reality show based on their lives. I’m confused enough to be intrigued.

# "Queen B": "Miss Match" was too short-lived. We need Alicia Silverstone back in this FOX comedy about an overachiever.

# "noTORIous": If you don’t want to see an NBC sitcom where Tori Spelling stars in a fictionalized version of her life, you might be reading the wrong column.

What pilots would you like to see next season? Talk about it on the TV Gal message board.

Quotes of the Week

"We’re stuck with the bottom feeders." Ray on "Amazing Race." Booooo, Ray. Booooo.

"Hey, man, you came back. People never leave and come back." Seth to Zach on "The O.C."

"You initially told us to design and build 22 house and now you’re telling me 18." Michael on "Arrested Development" in a not-so-subtle reference to the fact that the show’s episode order has been cut down from 22 to 18. Thanks to TV Gal reader Heidi for the quote.

"What the hell kind of street do we live on?" Edie to Susan on "Desperate Housewives." This quote is brought to you by popular demand.

Where Have I Seen Them Before?

Lisa Darr was Tammy the mom of Patient Zero on "Desperate Housewives." We saw her this season as Annie on "life as we know it." She was also Sam’s mom on "Popular." Thanks to Ted for this familiar face.

Omid Abtahi was one of the brothers who helped Jack on "24." The next week found himself in Judge Amy’s courtroom on "Judging Amy."

TV Gal reader DJ recognized Garret Dillahunt, Jack McCall on "Deadwood," as the new Steve on "ER."

China Shavers, Principal Harper’s daughter Brooke on "Boston Public," was the anti-gang worker Pratt flirted with on "ER."

Highlights of the Week Ahead All time listed are Eastern Standard Time for the week of March 28 to April 3

I have a special message for Dina. Dina, honey, if someone gives you a gun and tells you to kill someone, that gun never has bullets in it. Everybody knows this. Did you learn nothing from watching the first three seasons of "24"? (Monday, FOX, 9 p.m.). Also, I must say I think the executive producers do protest too much because I simply don’t believe that Dina is dead. Come with me into my world of denial. Why would they kill off this season’s best new character? Also I’m down with the fact that you need a truckload of willing suspension of disbelief to watch "24," but lately the show has been asking a little too much of its viewers. Politically correct brothers are instantly willing to die for Jack Bauer. Injured Paul is suddenly a sharp shooter and Chloe only lives seconds away from CTU. But I love the show despite and perhaps because of its flaws.

Charlie O’Connell, the likable brother of the oh-so-likable Jerry O’Connell, is the latest man looking for love in all the wrong ... um ... on television in "The Bachelor" (Monday, ABC, 9 p.m.). ABC promises this is "The Bachelor" un-plugged (code for: help our ratings are plummeting).

I’m partial to the lemon chicken episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (Monday, CBS, 9 p.m.). So I’m hoping that is the No. 1 episode chosen by viewers.

I’m waiting to hear that someone was fired because of last week’s ridiculous voting snafu on "American Idol" (Tuesday, FOX, 8 p.m.). Now what are we going to do about the oh-so-cheesy Constantine? I predicted that he would make it to the Top 10, but now I’m starting to get worried. That sexy sneer could take him way too far. Also could someone talk to Paula and ask her not to climb on Simon? Thanks.

The long wait is over. Most shows finally return this week with new episodes starting with "Veronica Mars" (Tuesday, UPN, 9 p.m.)

Bet you didn’t think it was possible for my love for Boston Rob to grow, did you? But he and Amber seem to have a nice and healthy relationship (no easy feat on "Amazing Race"). And it’s not his fault that no one thought to play the game this way before. What I like most about Amber and Rob is that they are unabashedly riding the reality show wave and never take themselves or the game too seriously. But what I can’t figure out is why the other teams on "Amazing Race" (Tuesday, CBS, 9 p.m.) despise them to the point of not talking to them. Do you think we’re not seeing the full story or did the other teams simply watch them on "Survivor?"

It’s the season, but let’s hope not, series finale of "American Dreams" (Wednesday, NBC, 8 p.m.).

I had this revelation last week: I still really like "Alias" (Wednesday, ABC, 9 p.m.), but I’m not having the love affair I once did with the show. For instance, I had a love affair with "Buffy" until she staked her last vampire. But "Alias" is like the boyfriend I used to love but now somehow managed to remain good friends with.

ABC continues its excellent season of drama with "Eyes" (Wednesday, ABC, 10 p.m.). Take the cool spy tools of "Alias" and "24," throw in the fun and intrigue of Wisteria Lane and we’ve got ourselves a show. Tim Daly plays the oh-so-charismatic private investigator, Harland Judd. Added bonus there’s Laura Leighton (the incomparable Sydney from "Melrose Place") as a lawyer and Harlan’s potential love interest and a nearly unrecognizable A.J. Langer (Rayanne on "My So-Called Life") as the firm’s newest employee Meg. The premiere episode ends on a heck of a cliffhanger that left me desperately wanting to see episode two. I’m just so darn proud of ABC.

We here at Team TV Gal want the truth and, yes ,we can handle it. It turns out that Billy Campbell’s unfortunate sideburns on "The O.C." are because he had to have a full beard by the time he returned to "The 4400," which he did immediately after wrapping up his role on "The O.C." Don’t you feel better knowing this very important piece of information? This week FOX preempts "The O.C." to bring you the two-hour season premiere of "Tru Calling" (Thursday, 8 p.m.). Apparently, Eliza Dushku can talk to dead people and dead shows.

How hungry do you have to be when "all the Pringles you can eat" actually sounds like a good thing? The ninth person says buh-bye on "Survivor: Palau" (Thursday, CBS, 8 p.m.).

Mama Solis lives and Marlee Matline guest stars on "Desperate Housewives" (Sunday, ABC, 9 p.m.).

To the TV Gal Readers Belong the Spoils

You know the rules. Don’t read if you don’t want to know.

Dick Van Patten and Zach Braff will guest star on "Arrested Development" and Judy Greer finally returns as Kitty. The season finale of "Arrested Development" is Sunday, April 17.

After one of television’s longest gestation periods, Claire will go into labor on "Lost." And Julie Bowen, Carol on "Ed," will guest star.

May sweeps means the return of many a familiar faces. Lena Olin will finally be back as Syd’s apparently not-quite-dead-yet mom. Perhaps she’s friends with Vaughn’s not-quite-dead-yet father.

The 150th episode of "Charmed" airs on April Sunday, 10. This is the episode that features the return of Julian McMahon as Cole.

Also take a moment to think about the shows where a baby could have a huge impact on a relationship. There are two of them. Come on you can get this one.

The familiar faces keep coming on "24." Jude Ciccolella is back as Mike Novick. Also Audrey will find her feelings for Jack changing which I still maintain is a ruse to cover up her involvement in the day’s events.

The series finale of "Star Trek: Enterprise" airs on Friday, May 13 with two back-to-back episodes. The final hour takes place six years in the future and finds the crew returning to earth. Jonathan Frakes guest stars as Riker.

The season finale of "Veronica Mars" is Tuesday, May 10 and we will find out who killed Lilly Kane (any guesses?). Leading up to the finale, Joey Lauren Adams will play the new journalism teacher and Jonathan Taylor Thomas plays a new student.