Vote For The Amy Awards

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - Welcome to the Amy Awards, bitch. Oh, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to use that joke.

First of all, thanks to all of you who took the time to post your nominations for the 2004 Amy Awards to the TV Gal message boards. In the words of the great 50 Cent, I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Or to put it in TV Gal lingo, like Sydney loves Vaughn, like Seth loves Captain Oats, or Simon Cowell loves himself.

One of the best things about the Amy Awards is that I learn sooo much about you. Because, I think I know, but I have no idea. It’s a crash course in what you are thinking. Clearly, it’s the remote control, not the eyes that are the window into your soul. See, I feel like we are always on the same wavelength. You know what I like, I know what you like. We are of one mind. It’s all one big TV love fest. So I must confess that I was shocked to learn your utter dislike of Kem on "ER" and how much you really didn’t care for Madison on "Everwood."

But that’s exactly what makes the Amy Awards so great (if I do say so myself). You pick the categories, you pick the nominees and now it’s time for you to pick the winners.

We here at Team TV Gal aim to please, so I have a couple of caveats about the nominations. After receiving numerous complaints from readers last year, I decided that a show could only be nominated once in any given category. So it was the show’s most popular nomination that made the cut. Let’s be honest, we hate it when "The West Wing" takes up four out of the five nominations at the Emmys and well, I’d like to make the Amy Awards a little more equitable. If I had not done it this way, "24" and "Angel" would have dominated the "Best Death or Character Exit" category and every quote might have come from "Angel" or our beloved Seth Cohen (surprisingly Seth’s witty one-liners were not the most popular uttering to come out of Orange County). And I did only consider specific nominations, therefore "all of ’Smallville’" could not count as the "Most Ridiculous Storyline or Plot Twist."

So let’s get out the vote. Call your friends, wake your neighbors, tell your family, the moment is here, the hour is now. It’s time to vote for the 2004 Amy Awards.

Here are the 2004 Amy Award Categories:

Tell Me It’s Not Over, aka Beloved Show (either new or seasoned) That Was Cancelled
"Angel"
"Boomtown"
"Friends"
"Karen Sisco"
"Wonderfalls"

Get Off My Show, aka Worst New Character or Guest Star
Eve on "Angel"
Jason ("Digger") on "Gilmore Girls"
Kem on "ER"
Lauren on "Alias"
Oliver on "The O.C."

Rewind: Let’s Hear that Again Award, aka Best Quote
"Chloe, I’m getting really tired of your personality." Tony to Chloe on "24."
"I hate you, but I love Sydney more. That’s the only reason you’re not dying tonight." Vaughn to Lauren on "Alias."
"Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let’s go to work." Angel’s final line in the series finale of "Angel."
"Will you just stand still?" Lorelai to Luke and vice-versa before they kissed on "Gilmore Girls."
"Welcome to the O.C., bitch." Luke to Ryan on "The O.C."

’Til Death Do Us Part, aka Best Death or Character Exit
Ben (Brendan Fraser) on "Scrubs"
Lauren on "Alias"
Ryan Chappelle on "24"
Dr. Robert Romano on "ER"
Wesley on "Angel"

Emmy — We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Emmy, aka Great Performance that Probably Won’t Be Recognized
Amy Acker as Fred/Illyria on "Angel"
Reiko Aylesworth as Michelle on "24"
Adam Brody as Seth on "The O.C."
Lauren Graham as Lorelai on "Gilmore Girls"
John C. McGinley as Dr. Cox on "Scrubs"

Character You Love to Hate and Hate to Love, aka Best Villain
Julian Sark on "Alias"
Julie Cooper on "The O.C."
Sherry Palmer on "24"
Lindsey McDonald on "Angel"
Boston Rob on "Survivor: All-Stars"

Fat Lady Is Singing but Nobody Is Listening, aka Show That Should Be Cancelled
"7th Heaven"
"Charmed"
"ER"
"The Swan"
"Tru Calling"

You have until Friday at 5 p.m. Eastern Time to vote via the TV Gal message boards.

Where Have I Seen Them Before?

That was an 82 percent-more-manly Tom Lenk, Andrew on "Buffy" and "Angel," as the poet with the painfully bad poem on "Six Feet Under."

TV Gal reader David remembered that Brittany Daniel, who played the tennis player on the series premiere of "North Shore," was Eve on "Dawson’s Creek" (we still don’t know what became of her) and one-half of the twins on "Sweet Valley High."

TV Gal reader Brandon remembered that comedian Jim Gaffigan, who was one of the jurors on "The Jury," is Hyde’s boss Roy on "That ’70s Show." Gaffigan also romanced Carol on "Ed" and starred in "The Ellen Show" and "Welcome to New York."

’Nip/Tuck’

Let me start by repeating the words of caution I issued when "Nip/Tuck" first premiered last summer. Do not, I repeat, do not eat while watching this show. In fact, you know the rule that applies to swimming — wait an hour after eating before you dive in. I say you should take the same approach with FX’s hit series.

"Nip/Tuck" returns for a second season Tuesday at 10 p.m. with a case of the "mores." There’s more sex (you could make a drinking game around how many times you see Julian McMahon’s bum, not that I’m complaining), more outlandish plot twists, and more graphic imagery.

Suave, devious Dr. Christian Troy (a smoldering McMahon) and his kinder but deeply troubled partner, Dr. Sean McNamara (perennially nice guy Dylan Walsh), are still trying to make the world a prettier place one rich patient at a time. When we last left the good doctors, Sean had reconciled with his wife, Julia (a heartbreaking Joely Richardson), and Julia had learned who really was the father of her son Matt (John Hensley). Christian’s son with Gina (Jessalyn Gilsig, the new detective on "NYPD Blue") turned out not to be his, and Matt was still dealing with the fact that he ran over a classmate and failed to report the accident (something that will soon come back to haunt him).

Both doctors are facing a crisis as they approach 40. It’s a little hard to believe that any woman would turn down McMahon because he’s too old, and I am slightly concerned that the show keeps repeating the same themes without ever truly moving the story line or the characters forward.

But the real reason to tune into this show are the still stellar performances. As an added bonus, Joely Richardson’s real-life mom, Vanessa Redgrave, joins the cast as Julia’s mom.

The characters of "Nip/Tuck" remain, for the most part, morally reprehensible. They all practically need to be dipped in antiseptic (only Sean’s youngest daughter Annie has yet to do something deplorable). The surgical scenes are extraordinarily and unnecessarily graphic. I’m not sure what is to be gained by repeatedly showing viewers what happens during a face lift (but trust me you won’t want one after watching the premiere)

Yet, despite being downright preposterous, the series is riveting with plot lines so over-the-top you can’t wait to see what they’ll do next. "Nip/Tuck" continues double dares viewers to look away.

Highlights of the Week Ahead All times listed are Eastern Time for June 21 to 27

Amanda Righetti, Kirsten’s stripper sister on "The O.C.," joins the cast of "North Shore" this week (Monday, FOX, 8 p.m.). Now you don’t expect her to play a good girl do you?

Some shows just don’t get the respect they deserve. FOX is airing three new episodes of "The Bernie Mac Show" this month. On Tuesday (FOX, 8:30 p.m.), George Clinton guest stars as Bernie celebrates a birthday. Next week it’s Thanksgiving in June when the family celebrates Turkey Day.

I still say "The Jury" (Tuesday, FOX, 9 p.m.) is a show worth watching. And if you really need a reason to tune in, the cast of "Oz" will reunite to play the jurors on the June 29 episode of "The Jury." Look for, among others, Jon Seda, Betty Buckley, Scott Winters, J.K. Simmons and Eamonn Walker.

So, I recently went to Turks and Caicos for vacation and after a week I was covered with bug bites, my feet were blistered and I had random sunburns every place I accidentally neglected to put sun block. Clearly, I would never make it on "Survivor" (could you see me on the audition — "Well, a week at a hotel in Turks and Caicos really took its toll on me."), nor would I do well on "Outback Jack" (premiering Tuesday at 9 p.m. on TBS). This is a show that sends 12 women to the Australian Outback to win the heart of one man. Somehow match.com seems easier to me, but I do like the idea of a hybrid of adventure and romance reality shows.

I don’t think you missed it, but "Stephen King’s Kingdom Hospital" returns to the schedule Thursday at 9 p.m. on ABC.

You know I love Heather Locklear. No matter how silly her new show "LAX" seems, I’m committed to watching it. So I’ll be tuning into "The E! True Hollywood Story: Heather Locklear" (Sunday, E!, 9 p.m.).

Michelle Trachtenberg begins her guest star role as a young pop diva Keith is assigned to protect on "Six Feet Under" (Sunday, HBO, 9 p.m.). Also coming soon, my secret boyfriend Peter Facinelli (shhhh ... don’t tell Jennie Garth) as one of Claire’s art school friends.

That’s all for today. I’ll be back next week to announce the winners of the 2004 Amy Awards. Coming soon, my picks for the Emmy nominations (it’s a little game I like to call "If I ruled the world.") and coming in July the return of series like "Dead Like Me," "Missing" (which dropped the ridiculous "1-800" prefix) and new series like "The Grid" (where Carol from "ER," Bobby from "The Practice" and Kirsten from "Party of Five" all hang out), "Rescue Me" (with Dennis Leary), and much, much more. Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.

Vote For The Amy Awards