Joss Whedon

Every new season of Doctor Who seems to bring with it people mumbling about the prospect of an American Doctor. Now, the Eighth Doctor would probably tell you that letting Americans have anything to do with Doctor Who is a bad idea, but considering the Doctor’s significant (and growing) fanbase in the States, we suspect that SyFy or perhaps even Fox would potentially be interested in a remake. But how would they change the series, aside from eliminating the English accent that networks presume American viewers can’t possibly comprehend? Here’s how we think some of our favorite U.S. showrunners would adapt Who:

Kevin Williamson

Angst would abound in the TARDIS as the Doctor (an even more famous virgin than Dawson) finds himself in the middle of a romantic triangle between his newest companions. When he isn’t trying to avoid being part of their love lives, he spends most of his time working to understand the pop cultural references that his companions are using.

His Doctor would be played by: Matt Davis

J.J. Abrams

Instead of just letting the Doctor get away with explaining away things as timey-wimey, Abrams would force him to start using overly complicated pseudo-science. He would also mess with the timeline by having the Doctor travel through time much more, while making sure to avoid any paradoxes. Oh, and everyone has daddy issues.

His Doctor would be played by: Bradley Cooper

Shonda Rhimes

The Doctor would finally be a medical doctor. The TARDIS would still be a time machine, but it would also be a hospital staffed by a dozen beautiful people trying to be the best doctors they can be and maybe, just maybe, find a little love. Both pursuits would only be further complicated by the strange situations that the TARDIS hospital keeps taking them to.

Her Doctor would be played by: T.R. Knight

Joss Whedon

His Doctor would be played by: Amy Acker

Josh Schwartz

Schwartz would make sure that the Doctor was always returning to Southern California where the newest UNIT base has been constructed underneath a chic nightclub. Most of his biggest conflicts would involve the Master and his plots to take over the world via fashion and trendy pop music.

His Doctor would be played by: Adam Brody

Dan Harmon

Every episode would pay tribute to the Doctors of the past, bringing back the most obscure enemies. The Doctor and his companions would be as silly and immature as the Eleventh Doctor and Amy Pond, but without the fairy-tale baggage.

His Doctor would be played by: Donald Glover

Aaron Sorkin

The Doctor doesn’t carry a weapon so he already tends to talk his way out of most situations he can’t run away from. These aren’t mutually exclusive activities for Sorkin, whose Doctor would likely be more sanctimonious than Ten was. Viewers could also expect to see Daleks who have a slightly more logical argument for their desire to exterminate.

His Doctor would be played by: Joshua Malina