Huzzah, my loyal TV babies! Did you miss me? Of course you did. You’ve been depressed and put out. But your TV Queen is back and wielding her remote in your general direction.

So spank-spank and cheer up, Chiclets.

What’s this? Oh, my good-good-ness. "Stargate SG-1" becomes a franchise this week with the fun and scary spin-off "Stargate Atlantis" (premiering at 7 p.m. and repeating at 9 p.m. Friday on Sci-Fi). And following the premiere at 11 p.m. is an hourlong special called "From Stargate to Atlantis: A Sci-Fi Lowdown" that gives the scoop on how it all came about.

The series gets off to an exciting start as a bunch of army-type knobs, I mean volunteers, decide they’ll take a one-way trip through a worm-hole to find that legendary lost city of the mysterious watery world built by a race called the Ancients. Are they the bravest people in the universe or just trying to dodge bill collectors and old girlfriends? We’ll go with "brave."

But one of those army knobs is nearly the entire reason to tune in. He’s the show’s sardonic new hero, Maj. John Sheppard played by the oh-so-cute Joe Flanigan. For some inexplicable reason that will no doubt be revealed in future episodes, Sheppard has the ability to channel the Ancients’ technology. And let me tell you, it comes in verrrrry handy when almost the minute the group finds Atlantis they also come across an icky race of ravenous aliens called the Wraith. And the ugly buggers apparently got their hands on the popular interstellar cookbook, "How To Serve Humans - As an Entr‚e."

Yaaaaahhhhhh!

Will Sheppard wind up as a "Grrrrrr" sandwich or will he triumph over the soul-sucking Wraiths? Duh. He’s the star of the dang series, you figure it out.

Now what to do with the rest of week. Not to worry. I am all-knowing . . . in an I-really-don’t-care kinda way.

Onward.

Tonight

"Missing" (8 p.m., Lifetime) Well, this show that teamed an FBI agent (played by Gloria Reuben) and a psychic (played by Caterina Scorsone) has been revamped (notice it’s not called "1-800-Missing" anymore) and recast. Reuben is out and saucy Vivica A. Fox ("Independence Day," "Soul Food") is now partnered with psychic Scorsone, who has become a full-fledged FBI agent. They’ve also added a hunk factor to the cast with Mark Consuelos and John Pollack. There’s more action, too. Enjoy.

Sunday

"The 4400" (7 and 10 p.m., USA) Wow. This is one juicy limited summer series (it runs Sundays through Aug. 8). Alien abduction flicks are a dime-a-dozen. But this series deals with what happens when 4,400 humans who were abducted at different times over a 50-year period are returned to Earth en masse in 2004. None has aged since the day they were abducted and it’s soon apparent that each has been endowed with enhanced abilities like telekinesis and healing powers. The great cast includes Joel Gretsch, Peter Coyote, Jacqueline McKenzie and Michael Moriarty. It’s an addictive and welcome series.

"An American Mystery: A Thief of Time" (8 p.m. Sunday, repeats 8 p.m. Wednesday, KNME-Channel 5) The third film based on the best-selling Navajo police thriller by Tony Hillerman stars Wes Studi and Adam Beach once again as Lt. Joe Leaphorn and Officer Jim Chee. This time around, the cops investigate the murder of Anasazi pot poachers and the disappearance of an anthropologist. But the best scenes, as usual, are between Studi and Sheila Tousey, who plays his loving, intelligent wife. It’s the only time the seemingly stone-hearted Leaphorn lets down his guard and allows himself to be human. Graham Greene co-stars and Peter Fonda has a brief role as a sad, unscrupulous rancher.

Monday

"I Love the ’90s" (7 p.m. and 8 p.m. Monday-Friday, VH1) This series skewered the pop culture of the ’70s and ’80s. Now it’s time to take aim at the ’90s with a new 10-part series. Kicking off with 1990, the look back recalls the weird and wonderful series "Twin Peaks" as well as the flick "Pretty Woman." It also takes on disgraced former Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry, the controversy of Dr. Jack Kevorkian and the music of MC Hammer and Wilson Phillips. In fact, Hammer, Jay and Silent Bob, and Jerry "The Pig" Springer are among those commenting for the it’s-all-in-fun segment.

Tuesday

"NYPD 24/7" (9 p.m., KOAT-Channel 7) After last week’s emotional episode that included a veteran officer nearly spinning out of control, this week’s entry isn’t any saner. Homicide detectives in Brooklyn deal with harsh criticism from irate members of the West Indian community as they try to solve the murder of a neighborhood college student. Was it racially motivated? The detective in charge may find this the toughest case he’s ever had to solve. Good stuff.

Wednesday

"CMA Music Festival: Country Music’s Biggest Party" (8 p.m., KRQE News 13) It’s two hours of highlights from the Nashville four-day event where fans get a chance to meet their favorite stars then see them in concert. Those performing include Brooks and Dunn, Keith Urban, Martina McBride, Gretchen Wilson and Hank Williams Jr. There ya go.

Thursday

"Stephen King’s Kingdom Hospital" (8 p.m., KOAT-Channel 7) Thank heavens. It’s the two-hour season finale of this messy horror series. There’s time travel that resolves the mystery of the tragic fire that trapped the little ghost girl and released the evil that rattles the bedpans. There’s also the always unnecessary, self-indulgent cameo by Stephen King himself. Apparently no one has the chops to tell the guy he’s a dork on camera. Well, besides me.

Friday

"Biography: Crazy Cult-Guys Night" (begins 6 p.m., A&E) OK. It’s not the actual title of this run of biographies, but I thought it fit. First at 6 p.m. is the biography of "David Koresh: Preacher of Fire." Good title, eh? But wait. At 7 p.m. we go up a notch to "Jim Jones: Journey Into Madness." Yes! Even better. But then there’s the biggest crazy cult-guy of them all. At 8 p.m. it’s "Charles Manson: Journey Into Evil!" Now that’s a title. I think we give them too much power. If we retitled the bios to "David Koresh: What a Knob" and "Jim Jones: Nutty Bananas" and "Charles Manson: Oooooo, He Ugly," I don’t think we’d be so obsessed. But I guess fire, madness and evil are much easier to sell, yes? Yes.