First, let me tell you who didn’t rank as my top 100 people of 2004: Ashlee Simpson, Paris Hilton, Jude Law and the cast of Ocean’s Twelve.

Confused? Each year, when compiling this humongous column, I ask myself which pop-culture figures affected me the most during the past 12 months. Not tabloid magazine sales - just little, entertainment-lovin’ me. (Related item: Chat with Whitney Wednesdays at 1 p.m. ET)

Hopefully, this list will both ring true (I know I’m not the only one who loved that Loretta Lynn record!) and turn you on to some stuff you missed:

100. Torben Ulrich. He has been compared to Yoda. Called the "metal Gandalf." And his ZZ Top beard, Danish accent, walking stick and all-over-the-place resume are things legends are made of. Alas, as we learned in a documentary this year, Torben Ulrich is not the rock star. He is the rock star’s father.

99. Aamer Haleem. Without this excitable boy on VH1’s Bands Reunited, we may not have seen Dramarama, Vixen or Berlin perform together ever again. If only that Smiths reunion had panned out, he could probably take over Kurt Loder’s job - and the world.

98. Lynne Truss. Her punctuation primer, Eats, Shoots and Leaves, has spent the past 34 weeks on our best-seller list. It’s about time people got psyched about semicolons (though, in my opinion, they don’t hold a candle to the umlaut).

97. Jonathan Antin. Are there really people who shell out $400 for a haircut by this dude? If so, I bet they also live in truffle mansions, bathe in champagne and eat scrambled gold for brunch. Must be nice.

96. Wilmer Valderrama. At some point this year, Ashton Kutcher became incredibly boring (thanks, Demi) and channeled his charisma to That ’70s man of mystery Fez. After hookups with Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan, he’s again on the prowl. Hold on to your bra straps, Hilary Duff!

95. Rachel Dratch. Her "Debbie Downer" character was so hysterical it put fellow Saturday Night Live cast members in stitches during the broadcast. And, hey, she was also educational: Without Debbie, I never would’ve guessed that feline AIDS was "the No. 1 killer of domestic cats."

94. Courtney Love. Let’s see, there were several court appearances, a hospitalization, scathing reviews, a canceled tour, indecent exposure on Letterman and a half-naked photo op with a creepy guy at Wendy’s. For Courtney, that’s not such a bad year.

93. John Leland. His book, Hip: The History, told me every cool thing I wanted to know but was afraid to ask at dinner parties. It even covers several people on this list: Nos. 50, 37 and 14, among them.

92. Jane Birkin. It’s too bad she’s more recognized as a handbag namesake than a talented performer. I was smitten with her little-seen role in Merci Docteur Rey as a sexy madwoman who believes she’s Vanessa Redgrave. (Haven’t we all felt that way at one time or another?)

91. Dave Eggers. Listing all of his accomplishments this year would make me feel like a sloth, so I’ll restrict the accolades to three: One, his Future Dictionary of America made me weep with glee. Two, The Best American Nonrequired Reading has become my required reading each year. Three, long live Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey!

90. Garry Trudeau. For many fans, when longtime Doonesbury character B.D. lost a leg (and his helmet), it felt like a family member had been wounded. For others, like myself, the event was gripping enough to make the comic strip daily reading again.

89. Ellen Muth. The tough star of Showtime’s Dead Like Me can hold her own against Mandy Patinkin - and that’s saying a lot, considering he’s 30 years her senior, has won a Tony and an Emmy and once put the moves on Barbra Streisand in drag.

88. Flavor Flav. The rapper-turned-reality star found something more than a timepiece to hang around his neck this year: Surreal Life cast mate Brigitte Nielsen. (Hey, at least it wasn’t Dave Coulier.)

87. Thomas Lennon. It all started with a skintight pair of khaki shorts, some reflective sunglasses and a dream. This year, Lennon transformed Lt. Jim Dangle into a 21st century Barney Fife. Which begs the question, who’s the modern-day Otis?

86. John Stevens. Not since, oh, Clay Aiken has a freckled crooner set so many grandmothers’ hearts aflutter ... and so many American Idol fans’ heads full of rage. It’s a good thing John didn’t coast to the final round with his Rat Pack-y pipes, or those loony Diana DeGarmo fans might’ve ripped every orange hair out of his head.

85. Rodney Dangerfield. At the beginning of 2004, the Caddyshack comedian was planning a comeback and an autobiography. Sadly, we never got to see whether he’d make a Back to School sequel or an inevitable guest appearance on Will & Grace. He died a month shy of his 83rd birthday.

84. Eugene Mirman. In an ideal world, Eugene would become the next Seinfeld, dominating airwaves with his deadpan humor (it doesn’t get any funnier than drugs and death and sex and children!). For now, though, I’m content with a couple comedy shows a year and the occasional rerun of the Cartoon Network’s Home Movies, on which Eugene voices a Russian kid named, simply, Eugene.

83. Katherine Moennig. Some people dig The L Word for its intricate subplots and character studies. Others just enjoy gazing at the cast of hot women. I do both. My favorite cast member: Moenning’s Shane, a nice ’n’ easy hairdresser with Kathleen Turner’s voice and a business style borrowed from Warren Beatty in Shampoo.

82. Jessa Crispin. When it comes to literature, sometimes it’s OK to be slutty. Jessa’s blog, Bookslut, remains the best place to find fast news about titles worth my time. (After Page Six, it’s the first thing I read each day - but don’t tell that to Jessa!)

81. Nellie McKay. I don’t care if she’s 19, 22 or 81 years old: Any woman who can weave Ethel Merman (no relation to No. 82), Velcro, Jesus and Dr. Phil into the space of two minutes deserves appreciation. Her clever double-disc debut, Get Away From Me (take that, Norah Jones!), was my favorite strolling-around-the-neighborhood recording of the year.

80. Lily Tomlin. Her appearances on The West Wing are one of the few reasons to keep watching. As a bonus, she stole scenes from Jude Law and Marky Mark Wahlberg in I Heart Huckabees.

79. Jeremy Piven. I’m not going to question how he’s managed to maintain the same balding pattern since Lloyd Dobler hid his keys in Say Anything. Instead, I’ll just enjoy his new role as another manic character, agent Ari Jacobs, on HBO’s Entourage, and hope this series doesn’t get axed.

78. Kal Penn. Even if it weren’t for Neil Patrick Harris’ cameo, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle still would’ve been a good movie. If you don’t believe me, some further proof: Penn, aka Kumar, has no fewer than five movies coming out in ’05.

77. Johnny Ramone. Just before his death, we got a parting glimpse of Johnny in the documentary End of the Century. Like almost no punk rockers before him, he remained a Republican rebel until the end.

76. Keiko Agena. OK, so at the beginning of 2004, there wasn’t much to shout about on Gilmore Girls. But this season each character has won me over again, especially Agena’s rocker-in-training Lane, who bangs the skins like Meg White, befriends Sebastian Bach and offers sage advice to Rory (who really needs it these days).

75. Ellen DeGeneres. Her personal life aside, Ellen managed to keep her show funny and fresh by doing sit-ups with No. 48, adding new dance moves to her repetoire, giving away piles of goodies and avoiding Koosh balls and the phrase "cutie patootie" altogether.

74. The Cure. Finally, after too many years of waiting, I got to see Robert Smith on stage and experience my eye makeup drip along with his own. As a bonus, his band offered some of the year’s coolest CD artwork. The Crayola-bearing Picassos: Smith’s young nieces and nephews.

73. Amy Cutler. Her drawings, on display at this year’s Whitney Biennial, stuck with me longer than anything else at the show. In Cutler’s fairy-tale world, women weep milk, think with birdhouse-heads and pitch tents made of party dresses. If No. 52 could climb into one of her works and live there, I bet she would.

72. Drea de Matteo. I’ve put off writing this one because I hate to think about her death scene on The Sopranos. Is it too late for Drea to ditch Joey and resurrect Adriana for just one more season? Please?

71. SpongeBob SquarePants. He was loved so much, fans didn’t just shout it from the rooftops - they stole him from them. Plus, no other cartoon character was able to lure Wilco, Flaming Lips, Motörhead and Avril Lavigne for a soundtrack album.

70. The Whedonesque gang. It’s hard for some people to understand my diehard affection for Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer- which is why it’s so comforting to visit Whedonesque.com each day, where piles of links are posted by my fellow Joss Whedon obsessives. If you secretly care about the new Spike action figure or Joyce Summers’ Advil commercial, I’ll see you there.

69. Regis Philbin. Reege’s voice is often the first one I hear in the morning - a fact which frightens the bejeezus out of my spouse. This year he released an album and even persuaded Dave Letterman to appear on his show during November sweeps. I tell you, the man is magic.

68. Lauren Ambrose. I love how Margaret Cho admitted being so convinced Six Feet Under’s Claire was real, she once told Ambrose she’d write her an art-school recommendation. This season Claire remained all-too-convincing, even though her actions (falling for Mena Suvari, nabbing a huge art show, sleeping with her brother’s girlfriend’s brother) became more unbelievable each week.

67. Ted Kooser. Considering everything that happened this year, the country’s new poet laureate has his work cut out for him. So far, he’s delivered. (And his latest book, Delights and Shadows, makes an excellent road-trip read.)

66. Clive Owen. I’m sure many actors spend plenty of their own time frequenting strip clubs, screaming at lovers and visiting seedy chat rooms. But few could pull it off onscreen as well as Clive did in Closer.

65. Mel Gibson. Unlike the Foreign Press (and perhaps the Academy), I’ll give him points for pouring so much sweat and salary into The Passion of the Christ. But producing the awful ABC sitcom Complete Savages? He’ll be paying for that one for a long time to come.

64. Art Spiegelman. The day I got the Pulitzer Prize winner’s In the Shadow of No Towers, I grabbed a giant bottle of water, cleared a spot on the couch and spent the afternoon immersed in the artist’s first book since Maus I and II. Twelve years was a tough wait, but it was worth it.

63. Sonic Youth. How is it possible a band can rock just as hard on its 19th album as it did in the beginning, when members were in their 20s? Every time I hear Sonic Nurse, I’m astonished and inspired. My only wish is that MTV’s 120 Minutes were still around to play the videos.

62. Michael Pitt. I saw every angry inch of the actor this year (in Bernardo Bertolucci’s fearless full-frontal flick, The Dreamers), and it still wasn’t enough. Next year he’ll appear with Kim Gordon (of No. 63) as a Kurt Cobain-ish rock star in Gus Van Sant’s Last Days. I think we can all guess how it ends.

61. Jenny Lewis. Sometimes, child actors turn out better than anyone could’ve hoped. This one appeared on every ’80s sitcom you can name (Mr. Belvedere, Growing Pains, Roseanne) and now sings in the indie band Rilo Kiley. Go ahead, click that link. You won’t be able to resist a little toe-tapping.

60. Penn Jillette. It seems fitting the wacky illusionist’s first novel, Sock, would focus on a talking, crime-solving sock monkey. What surprised me was that I couldn’t stop reading it. If Penn ever gets tired of making things disappear (or filling Teller’s silences every night), I hope he’ll consider spending more time at a laptop.

59. Richard Kelly. The man behind Donnie Darko made my movie year by announcing plans to release a director’s cut of the film in theaters. While it paled in comparison with the original, it still stunned me to see how much footage was shot - and how the editing process can make or break a movie.

58. Craig Kilborn. While I wish the new Craiggers (Ferguson) the best of luck hosting the old Craiggers’ show, I just don’t know if I can accept the demise of Sebastian: The Asexual Icon and Yambo, everybody’s favorite parlor game. I’m gonna miss you, Kilby. Here’s hoping you didn’t trade a sweet talk-show gig for a lifetime of bit parts in Rob Schneider comedies.

57. Kristen Bell. The star of UPN’s Veronica Mars has been hailed as "the new Buffy" and r ivals Lorelai Gilmore when it comes to smart fast-talking. If only she could put a stake in The Amazing Race’s ratings so her show could stay afloat ...

56. Ken Jennings. Sitting next to him on the subway, he’d probably drive you nuts. But on Jeopardy!, he was a real American hero. And now he receives free advice from H&R Block for the rest of his life.

55. Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, I rented 13 Going on 30, purely for the Ruffalo factor. He also shone in We Don’t Live Here Anymore and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind this year, along with a minor part in Collateral. And it doesn’t hurt that he has the juiciest silicone-free lips in Hollywood.

54. Prince. Not only did he return for a tour, he gave away CDs at his shows and played all the hits on stage. Maybe there’s hope yet: One day I could very well become the next Apollonia.

53. James Kochalka. One of his daily comics won’t tell you much more than the fact that Kochalka portrays himself as a pointy-eared elf and loves those chilly Burlington, Vt., winters. But reading five years’ worth of them makes you feel like a spy in his living room. When I got to the part in American Elf about the artist’s son being born, I cried. Then I eagerly turned the page.

52. Bjork. Her Medulla, comprised almost entirely of vocal tracks, made me feel grateful to be living in the same era as the artist. Saturday Night Live should’ve booked her instead of Ashlee Simpson ...

51. Chip Kidd. Last year I applauded the writer and book-cover designer for The Cheese Monkeys, one of the most charming novels I’d read in ages. So imagine my surprise when he agreed to write The Learners, a short story for this very Web site! Oh, happy day (though not such a great one for the main character).

50. Tom Waits. First, he bantered like a Beat poet with Iggy Pop in Coffee and Cigarettes. Then he released another fantastic album, Real Gone, which focused on beats of another sort. Next up: a tour, which promises to be a highlight of 2005.

49. Thomas Haden Church. Going into Sideways, I expected good things from Paul Giamatti. After all, I saw what he could do in American Splendor. Ditto for Alexander Payne, who hasn’t let me down since 1996’s Citizen Ruth. But Lowell from Wings? A guy whose resume includes George of the Jungle 2, 3000 Miles to Graceland and Monkeybone? I doubted THC could win me over. And now I eat (or, more appropriately, drink) my words.

48. Britney Spears. She wasn’t the only girl who got married twice, played Journey at her wedding, walked barefoot in public bathrooms, quit her job, watched Sex and the City, hurt her knee, bought a house, talked about babies and said the word "y’all" a lot this year. But she might’ve been the only one who covered a Bobby Brown song - and expected people to pay for it.

47. Martha Stewart. Just think of all the creative things she’ll be able to do with tube socks and toilet-paper tubes once she gets out of prison! I’m counting the days until I can actually relate to her.

46. Dustin Hoffman. He surfaced in two movies I’m glad I saw this year: Finding Neverland and I Heart Huckabees. Soon, he and Barbra Streisand play Ben Stiller’s parents in Meet the Fockers. I’d take Dustin over Jude Law any day.

45. Daryl Hannah. After seeing Daryl in Kill Bill, I was really hoping ’04 would be the Year of the Eyepatch. Guess not, unless Regis Philbin wears one during New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. But it did make me want to go back and rent Wall Street and Splash again.

44. Gael Garcia Bernal. Even when he’s wearing fake boobs and a dress, I still think he’s gorgeous. And I’m sure my father will be just thrilled when he reads about that.

43. Wilco. How do you follow up a musical wonderland like Yankee Hotel Foxtrot? You do something completely different. Even if you don’t want to buy all of A Ghost is Born, at least download Handshake Drugs, Spiders (Kidsmoke) and Hummingbird.

42. Peter Sarsgaard. Remember when Harvey Keitel was the only man in Hollywood who’d do full-frontal nudity? Thank goodness those days are over. When he wasn’t taking it off in Kinsey, Sarsgaard was the bee’s knees in Garden State. I love him even when he’s evil.

41. David Boreanaz. He would’ve signed on for more Angel, but the WB would rather give airtime to "fresh" shows The Mountain and Summerland. It’s OK, though. I’m confident casting agents will be biting in no time.

40. Vincent Gallo. Of course his controversial Brown Bunny wasn’t worth the wait -Citizen Kane couldn’t have lived up to that amount of hype. But I still enjoyed Gallo’s latest adventure. And, honestly, I was more shocked by Cheryl Tiegs’ cameo appearance than the sex scene.

39. Marjane Satrapi. I always harbor doubts about sequels, but Persepolis 2 proved me wrong. Satrapi’s graphic novel, which continued her story of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, is one of those books you can’t lend, because you know the pal who borrows it won’t want to give it up.

38. Jamie Foxx. It’s seems kind of silly to place him on this year’s list, since it sounds like 2005 has Jamie’s name all over it. But this year he finally let people see what he was capable of- and I think it’s safe to say there will be no Booty Call 2 in his future.

37. Bob Dylan. Why would a musical legend appear in a Victoria’s Secret ad? Hey, why not? Bob shared a sliver of his life in Chronicles and teased us with a 60 Minutes interview, shortly after Rolling Stone named one of his tunes the best rock song ever written. Like a true legend, the more he puts himself out there, the more of a mystery he becomes.

36. Julie Delpy. Her contribution to Before Sunset went beyond acting and co-writing the screenplay: My favorite scene occurred when Julie performed an original song for an enthralled Ethan Hawke. (Admittedly, I also got the chance to see her perform it in a tiny club in Austin, before a crowd of about 50 enthralled Hawke clones. It sounded just as sweet.)

35. Steve Buscemi. His role on The Sopranos may have been short-lived, but it added two things the show needed: heart and massage therapy.

34. Amy Poehler. Kudos to Lorne Michaels and the rest of the SNL gang for realizing Poehler’s talent went beyond Avril Lavigne impersonations and the gal with one leg. She may not have Jimmy Fallon’s hair, but she doesn’t screw up all her lines and try to flirt with Tina Fey, either. Usually.

33. Donald Trump. For several months, I kind of liked The Donald. Now I’m over those hand gestures and tousled locks. Perhaps George and Carolyn could host The Apprentice 3?

32. Laura Dern. Even though I’m a sucker for the movie Mask, I hadn’t thought much about Dern until I watched her dominate each scene in We Don’t Live Here Anymore. I realize raising her two kids with Ben Harper is a full-time job, but could she please make a smidgen more time for movies?

31. William Shatner. His CD isn’t so bad. And Boston Legal? He’s a good match for James Spader. Sigh. I know you still don’t believe me. But you will one day. Just wait.

30. Naveen Andrews. I don’t have a problem with all these articles about Evangeline Lilly being the breakout star of Lost- I just kindly disagree. I find Andrews, who plays tortured and complex Sayid, by far the most compelling character. Let’s hope he makes out of this season alive.

29. Lindsay Lohan. Let’s get a rumor started: Lindsay Lohan is no longer worth writing about. It’s not that I don’t like her; hey, I saw Mean Girls twice. I just think she’s pretty much doing what any rich, curfew-free teen would do in her shoes. Except maybe date Wilmer Valderrama.

28. Jim Jarmusch. Each scene in Coffee and Cigarettes got better than the next. Maybe he could do a sequel: Sex and Krispy Kreme, perhaps?

27. Jeffrey Brown. One of the highlights of my year was meeting Jeffrey, a Chicago-based artist whose latest graphic novel, Bighead, follows the adventures of an insecurity-ridden superhero. Buy a copy so he can quit his job at Barnes & Noble and devote more time to his art.

26. Joaquin Phoenix. While The Village wasn’t the smash hit Joaquin was probably hoping for, he scored more accolades with the upcoming Hotel Rwanda (which I haven’t seen yet) and Ladder 49. I’m convinced he’ll stun us all as Johnny Cash in the upcoming biopic.

25. R.E.M. Before joining the Vote for Change concert lineup alongside Springsteen and Dave Matthews, Buck, Stipe and Mills released another album - and elated fans by posting the entire thing on the Web ahead of time.

24. Guided by Voices. It’s been a fine run, but the band can’t last forever: The final GBV show is scheduled to take place in Chicago on New Year’s Eve. Sadly, I have a feeling it’s one of those groups the general public won’t begin to appreciate until it’s gone.

23. Loretta Lynn. I wasn’t sure whether to include her or Jack White on the list, the unlikely producer of Van Lear Rose. Since it’s her vocals and down-home songwriting I love, Loretta won.

22. Matthew Fox. There’s something about this former Party of Five actor that makes me root for him, no matter what insane situation he’s in. On Lost, that’s a quality too important to be overlooked. Without him, it might not be my favorite new show on the tube.

21. Interpol. Most of my co-workers have seen me bopping in my cubicle (and my car) to Interpol’s Antics during the last two months. The second track is my favorite song of the year, especially when I’m coming home from work late at night, after staring at

tags and Lindsay Lohan photos all day.

20. Christopher Reeve. A world without Superman is too sad to even think about. When Reeve died, I was surprised at how much sadder I felt than when some people I’d actually met passed away.

19. David Cross. As Tobias on Arrested Development, he introduced the term "never-nude" into the American lexicon. On the fourth season of Mr. Show (which came out this year on DVD), Cross and Bob Odenkirk are arguably at their funniest. And then there’s was the comedy CD, It’s Not Funny (it was). And then there was the time I met him at a party and tried to forget my shoes were so tight my feet were covered in bloody blisters ...

18. Chris Ware. Since buying McSweeney’s Issue 13, a collection of comics edited by Ware, I’ve taken it on every long trip. When I’m home, it sits on my nightstand. In fact, unless I’m at the office, I’m within three feet of it at all times, which I guess sounds kind of creepy.

17. Will Arnett. Speaking of Arrested Development, GOB the magician becomes even more ridiculous as time goes on. I’m thinking of making his theme music the outgoing message on my answering machine.

16. Dave Chappelle. You know, I’ve spent the last 15 minutes trying to write a sentence about him. Alas, they all have words I can’t publish on a family Web site. So use your imagination. I love the guy.

15. Morgan Spurlock. More people probably asked, "Geez, why couldn’t I have thought of that?" about the director of Super Size Me than anyone else this year. Me included. I’m so jealous I could strangle Mayor McCheese.

14. Beastie Boys. I’d waited so long for a new album, I’d almost forgotten how much I loved these guys. As a bonus, I scored tickets to one of their free club shows - and my husband still hasn’t forgiven me for not taking him.

13. The Pixies. It’s weird how some things become more popular the second time around. This year Black Francis got his day in the sun (though, considering his fair complexion, I hope he was well-protected).

12. Patti Smith. Her flawless album, Trampin’’, made me long for the days when my parents had huge headphones and shaggy carpeting in their living room. There’s something profoundly weird about rocking out to Patti in a sterile office building.

11. Adam Brody. A guy who loves comic books, Death Cab for Cutie and will stand on a hot-dog stand to win back the girl of his dreams? The O.C.’s Seth is a boy after my own heart. Too bad he’s underage.

10. Michael Moore. Love him or hate him, at least he got up from his chair and did something he believed in. What did I like about Fahrenheit 9/11? It got people talking and thinking as they left the theater. Usually, the only thing you hear after a movie is, "Wanna get some beer?" or "That man stole my cab!"

9. Bill Murray. OK, so I’m placing him at No. 9 before I see him in The Life Aquatic. But after seeing him swig joe in Coffee & Cigarettes and watching him in Lost in Translation so many times, I’m pretty much assured an enjoyable experience at the new Wes Anderson flick. And, oh yeah, I’m willing to forgive him for Garfield.

8. Kate Winslet. She’s so good, you don’t even realize she’s good until weeks afterward. Her performances in Eternal Sunshine and Finding Neverland are certainly worthy of recognition come awards-show time.

7. Natalie Portman. I’ll be delighted when the Star Wars movies are over and she can start playing a woman again. And, judging by how engaging she was in Garden State and Closer, I’m guessing she probably agrees.

6. Bono. This year he wanted to save and rock the world. And, boy, isn’t it refreshing to see them playing live on all the talk shows instead of using those suspicious "backing tracks?"

5. Zach Braff. Will someone please return Scrubs to its proper timeslot? Ever since the debut of Veronica Mars and the new season of Amazing Race, I’ve spent Tuesday nights making my remote sweat. This year, to go along with his perfect little TV show, Braff made a perfect little movie (well, except for the last five minutes, but we can talk about that later), put together a perfect little soundtrack and kept a perfect little blog. If he ever needs a perfect little biographer, he knows who to call.

4. Morrissey. Was this year of magnificent musical comebacks or what? Moz may have a few gray hairs in those sideburns, but otherwise he’s the same fellow we grew up idolizing and quoting until we were sent to the counselor’s office. On You Are the Quarry, he greets us with a pin-striped suit and a Tommy gun ... and tells America where to "shove your hamburgers."

3. Napoleon Dynamite. I hate making people share, but this entry belongs to six people: Jon Heder, who played Napoleon in the movie; writer and director Jared Hess; and actors Efren Ramirez (Pedro), John Gries (Uncle Rico), Aaron Ruell (Kip) and Tina Majorino (Deb). Without all of them, a movie about the frizzy-haired outcast with a heart of gold wouldn’t have been the same. I’ll be quoting it for the next 10 years. Now gimme a tot before I break out my bowstaff.

2. Johnny Depp. If he doesn’t win the Oscar this year for Finding Neverland, I’m going to burglarize the home of the man who does. (That is, unless Liam Neeson gets it. I don’t think I’d win that fight. But I could easily take down Paul Giamatti.)

1. Jon Stewart. What amazes me about Stewart and The Daily Show team isn’t how many things they accomplished this year - it’s the fact they still haven’t failed. Whether it’s the show, Stewart’s Crossfire appearance, the book, the commemorative plates or what have you, his hold on comedy and the country keeps growing. Next year he could own us all.