Buffy The Vampire Slayer

We’re America and we’ve got it going on.

We invented the V-8 engine, rock ‘n’ roll, Marion Michael Morrison and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer? And who’s Marion Michael Morrison?” we hear you ask.

Stick with us. You’ll love this.

At various points in our nation’s short but illustrious history, the purveyors of wisdom have declared that we’re sinking deep into the quagmire of depravity. The apocalypse is upon us because we’re bowling alone, sitting in front of our computers alone and pursuing other selfish interests while ignoring the communal good – narcissistic slime, the purveyors of wisdom call us.

Flapdoodle, I say. Maybe in assorted latte-licking blue states, but not here in God’s country, the Vail Valley.

Marion Michael Morrison was a big, tall kid from Iowa who migrated to California to play football at USC. He wandered across the street to some movie studio where he was reinvented as John Wayne, an American Icon.

Sarah Michelle Gellar was eating in a restaurant when she was spotted by an agent. She’s now Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She’s an adorable blonde and the "one girl in all the world" with the supernatural strength to save mankind from the demon hordes. I submit that Buffy is also an American Icon.

They represent an ability that’s uniquely American – the ability to reinvent ourselves. It’s a guy-type attribute: A guy can look reality right in the eye and deny its existence. I also submit that in the history of the world, no nation has accomplished so much in so little time. We’re bigger, stronger, better educated, richer, and better fed than any civilization ever.

We did that by millions of people coming here from somewhere else and planting their personal flags, by spitting their realities right in the eye and reinventing themselves as Americans.

Conservative author P.J. O’Rourke, a Great American, puts it like this:

“America wasn’t founded so we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we pleased.

“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.

“We want to make this absolutely clear: We love America. We love it. We love the freedom to speak our mind, we love that we are allowed to wear American flag underpants, we love that we can super size any combo meal, regardless of which sandwich we choose. We love it here.

“Sure we do stupid things, but we do them spectacularly.

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. This country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn’t Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?

“There are just two rules of governance in a free society:

• Mind your own business.

• Keep your hands to yourself.

“Bill, keep your hands to yourself. Hillary, mind your own business.”