Alyson Hannigan

I’m going to get working on the next HAP (I’m doing the Rangers) in a moment here, but I had a thought at the movies today which I wanted to first share.

So I went to see Date Movie. It was terrible. I knew going in that it was going to be terrible. Apparently the word on this has spread, as I was completely alone in the theater today (something which I highly recommend, by the way). So I spread my legs out, bought some Sour Patch Kids, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I laughed a couple of times, groaned far more, and walked out feeling satisfied that by not dragging anyone without my particular tastes along with me, I hadn’t wasted anyone’s time but my own.

See, I’m an Alyson Hannigan fan. Maybe "groupie" is a better word. I’ve seen everything she’s ever been in from that one "Roseanne" episode through Dead Man on Campus on into Rip It Off (by the way, a far worse movie than Date Movie). I have many of her "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" action figures. So, as unbelievably lame as Date Movie was (and if the best cameos you can get for your movie are Carmen Electra and Lil’ Jon, you know we’re talking pretty lame), I got to see my favorite actress walk around in pretty dresses for an hour and a half, and there are worse ways to spend a Wednesday afternoon.

So I got to thinking, driving home, that Aly Hannigan in Date Movie is a lot like Todd Helton the last several years for the Rockies — you know the show’s going to be awful, there’s going to be a lot of empty folding seats around you, you’re probably not going to like the end result, but watching that one special talent makes it all worthwhile. During the several Colorado games I went to last year when Helton was on the DL, you could feel the drift. Todd is the only player still on the Rockies’ roster who is widely represented on the backs of fans’ T-shirts, and it made me sad to see all of these little kids with gloves and adjustable hats tightened down to the last two or three plastic nubs pulling on their parents’ sleeves and asking, "When is #17 going to be up?"

So you can talk all you want about "payroll flexibility," and maybe you have a point, but I’d be crushed to see the guy go. Of course, maybe watching Helton toil in obscurity is nearly as bad as watching Alyson waste her talent on "How I Met Your Mother." I hope the Rockies get better, and I hope Ms. Hannigan hires a new agent, before Todd, Aly, or I get very much older.