TV Gal Holds Her Nose Over Some TV Stinkers

(Monday, July 26 08:02 AM)

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) This week on TV Gal Channel (the only channel that brings you a weekly airing of the classic "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger") ... "When Bad Story Lines Attack." It happens all the time. One minute Amanda Woodward is the best witch ever to hit prime time, the next she’s marrying the guy who used to be on "Boy Meets World." And you’re left thinking, what in the name of Aaron Spelling just happened? Sometimes the story lines redeem themselves. Yes, the Connor/Cordy romance on "Angel" was tough to take, but, at least, there was a valid explanation for the mayhem.

These days, I’m extremely worried about "Six Feet Under." To me, David’s story arc seemed like a desperate move of a confused series that lacks clear direction. Now, of course, Michael C. Hall is still fabulous — bringing palpable terror and simultaneous self-blame to his repressed character. The episode seemed designed to make sure he wins an Emmy next season and I’m all for that. But it was a sure sign that show runners didn’t know what to do with David now that he and Keith are happy. Taking a page from the "ER" playbook, this was a case of "when it doubt, stick your protagonist in danger."

But that’s not the only problem with "Six Feet Under" this season. I love Claire. I love Lauren Ambrose, but I hate Claire’s story line. Sure, some college students are that pretentious and self-involved. That doesn’t mean we want to watch them. I find her whole story line beyond tedious. That, my friends, is the real problem with "Six Feet Under" — great actors saddled with increasingly awful stories. The only thing that really seems to be gelling is Ruth’s passive aggressive marriage to Arthur (although I so could have done with out the excrement bit). I don’t know if "Six Feet Under" is ready to enter the of Bad Storylines Hall of Fame quite yet, but I thought we take a look back at some of the worst story lines we’ve seen in the last few seasons.

Kimberly on the Lam on "24": The first hint we had that there was really nothing to do with Kim. When she became trapped by the cougar, it soon symbolized all that could go wrong with this excellent, but all too often flawed, series.

Grace Gets Married on "Will & Grace": The show centered around the friendship of Will and Grace. Why exactly would they marry her off so hastily? There never was a sustainable way to keep Leo (Harry Connick, Jr.) in the picture. I always felt like viewers were merely waiting for a divorce or death and, apparently, I was right.

Mark and Elisabeth, a Love Story on "ER": Irrefutable proof that "ER" is the place where romance goes to die.

Josh Falls in Love with Amy on "The West Wing": Really, it’s still too painful to talk about. Mary Louise Parker almost succeeded in ruining one of my all time favorite television characters.

Ally McBeal Is a Mom: Was there ever a more reckless move than saddling the completely ill-equipped Ally with a 10-year-old daughter? This whole ridiculous story line doesn’t even make sense.

Oliver Comes to "The O.C.": We could exchange "pull an Oliver" for the phrase "jumping the shark." Example: "Ed" pulled an Oliver when he kept threatening to move to New York City in the final season of "Ed." What do you think are some of the worst story lines in recent television history? What do you think of "Six Feet Under" this season? Talk about it on the TV Gal message boards.

Quotes of the Week

"I haven’t needed a babysitter since I was 19." Monk to Sharona on "Monk."

"That was quite an entrance — everybody else just walked across the shallow water there." Phil to the twins after they swam to the final check point. Thanks to TV Gal reader Erin for the quote.

"Every time Phil sees us, we look terrible." Mirna to Charla on "The Amazing Race 5." Thanks to TV Gal reader Jeff for the quote.

Where Have I Seen Them Before?

The fabulous Rick Hoffman, Terry on "Philly," Bernie’s agent on "Bernie Mac," and too many other credits to mention here, was the FBI agent on "Monk." Devon Gummersall, forever immortalized as Brian Krakow on "My So-Called Life" and seen most recently as the man who said he was a lesbian on "The L Word," was the man who worked at the U.S. Mint.

Timothy Osmundson, Sean on "Judging Amy" and seen most recently as the daft husband in search of gold on "Deadwood," was oh-so-briefly seen as Christian’s attorney on "Nip/Tuck." Doug Savant, Matt on "Melrose Place" and the doomed head of security at the hotel on "24," was the frost bite victim on "Nip/Tuck." We will soon see Savant as Felicity Huffman’s horny hubby in "Desperate Housewives," where he will also have an on-screen reunion with his "Melrose" co-star Marcia Cross.

Billy Campbell, Rick on "Once and Again," was Jordan, one of "The 4400" who outs himself. Lee Tergesen, Tobias on "Oz," was the returnee serial-killer who could now force other people to do his bidding.

Lana Parrilla, Teresa on "Boomtown," was the employee at the dog daycare center on "Six Feet Under." Parrilla also was the wife of the abusive cop last season on "NYPD Blue" where I so thought she should have started a romance with John.

TV Gal reader Marie noted that Ali Larter played the girlfriend looking for Vince (Adrian Grenier) on "Entourage." Larter also played Grenier’s girlfriend in the movie "Drive Me Crazy."

And so many people want me to remind you that Peter Facinelli, currently playing Jimmy on "Six Feet Under" and Lauren Ambrose, Claire, co-starred in "Can’t Hardly Wait," one of my all-time favorite movies.

Official Announcement

As you know, viewers everywhere have been holding a vigil for ABC, a network gasping for life amid poor ratings. "Hope & Faith" was the only new show from last season that the network renewed. That’s some seriously tough times for the alphabet network. So I simply couldn’t wait to tell you this. Hear me now and believe me later. All of ABC’s dramas for fall ("Lost," "Desperate Housewives," and "Life as We Know It," which has a great "My So-Called Life" vibe) are pretty excellent. Fret not, I’m not feeling that benevolent, the comedies ("Savages" and "Rodney") are pretty awful. But ABC is a network in recovery and on its way to rehabilitation. Now that would make an excellent reality show. Hmmm ... maybe FOX could do that show.

Highlights of the Week Ahead All times listed are Eastern Time for the week of July 26 to Aug. 1

Kids, I don’t know about "Nip/Tuck" (Tuesday, FX, 10 p.m.). I’m all for the idea that Christian is really Matt’s father, but Matt’s story takes a ridiculous turn this week. After you watch it, let me know what you think.

Here’s hoping big meanies Lance and Marshall get the boot on "Amazing Race 5" (Tuesday, CBS, 10 p.m.).

Well, I feel so darn liberated now that I’ve come clean with my addiction to "The Ashlee Simpson Show" (Wednesday, MTV, 10:30 p.m.). And you all have been so supportive. Many of you have confessed that you too are compulsively drawn to the series. And since we now officially have no secrets, I also want to tell you that I love the song "Pieces of You" and can’t seem to get sick of it, even though my radio station plays the ditty about every thirty minutes. But here’s my big topic - I love Ashlee as Ashlee, but I can’t stand Ashlee as Cecilia on "7th Heaven." Discuss.

Next week their movie will air, find out who wins on this week’s "Next Action Hero" (Wednesday, NBC, 8 p.m.).

All’s well that ends well on the set of "CSI." George Eads and Jorja Fox have been rehired on "CSI" (Thursday, CBS, 9 p.m.). Which means will have seasons to come of Grissom ignoring his true feelings for Sara.

George Eads, Jamie Pressly, Beau Bridges, Lance Henriksen and Fred Dalton Thompson star in TNT’s "Evel Knievel," premiering Friday at 8 p.m. on TNT. Eads fans (of which I know there are many considering the amount of email I received after he was fired from "CSI") should be particularly pleased to see the heartthrob in a one-piece leather jump suit. Don’t you love how I can tell all the pieces of you?

And since I also came clean with the fact that I watch the N (somehow I never got the memo that I’m no longer 15), I can tell you that I loved the N’s new animated series "O’Grady" (Friday, the N, 9 p.m.) Kelly Osbourne, who is pretty fabulous in the new ABC series "Life as We Know It," sings the theme song.

To the TV Gal Reader Belongs the Spoils

You know the rules. Don’t read if you don’t want to know.

The "24"/ "CSI" connection continues. Last season Xander Berkeley (George Mason on "24") guest starred as the new sheriff. Next season Reiko Aylesworth, Michelle, will begin a recurring stint as a lab-based detective. That’s because our friend Greg (Eric Szmanda) is finally getting his wish to work in the field. I guess he finally picked up what Warrick was putting down.

As for "24," you know that basically everyone on the show, sans our intrepid hero Jack Bauer, won’t be back. And, get this, Jack won’t even work for CTU anymore. President Palmer will have lost the election to Senator John Keeler (Geoff Pierson, who will reprise his role but won’t be in every episode). Here’s hoping that next season finds the ex-President back in action mode.

Jay Harrington, who I suppose we can forgive for starring in "Coupling" since he was so good in that "Without a Trace" episode last season, will play Nikki’s principal and Ava’s new love interest, Dr. O’Keefe, on "Summerland." Also Jay will invite Erika to move in with him and Bradin will once again run into nice girl Callie just in time for bad girl Sarah to make her reappearance.

I’m still way too old to participate, but "American Idol" has increased the upper limit of the age to audition. Now 16 to 28-year-olds can sing for Simon, Paula, and Randy in the pursuit of fame. Auditions begin in Cleveland, OH next Wednesday, Aug. 4 at the Cleveland Browns Stadium. From there, the judges travel to St. Louis (Aug. 8), Washington DC (Aug. 18), Orlando (Aug. 26), New Orleans (Aug. 31), Las Vegas (Sept. 12), San Francisco (Oct. 5), and Anchorage (Sept. 28). A little peek at how popular this show has become — no one is allowed to line up prior to 6 a.m. — the day before the audition.

Those of you still wondering who won FOX’s "Playing It Straight" (no need to be ashamed, I know you’re out there), can now go to www.fox.com for an episode update and to find out if straight gal Jackie picked a straight guy to split one million dollars with. Or, just click over to Zap2it’s own TV News.

I’m hearing that Leo has a heart attack at the beginning of the next (and possibly final?) season of "The West Wing."

And I’m confirming that you know that Jesalyn Gislig won’t return to "NYPD Blue" (was she too busy making Christian’s life miserable on "Nip/Tuck?"). Bonnie Sommerville, who romanced Ross on "Friends" and played Courtney on "Grosse Pointe," will play the new detective in the 15th precinct’s final season.