James Marsters

Episode #5-5: "Thirst"

Air Date: October 27, 2005

Written By: Steven S. DeKnight

Directed By: Jeannot Szwarc

New spoilers in yellow posted 8/3/05 - Green material added the afternoon of 8/3

Teaser:

 The Tri-Psi sorority house at Met U has ordered a pizza. An unsuspecting delivery boy delivers it to three "hot" sorority girls. The girls pull him in with salacious giggles, and suggest they all eat it in the jacuzzi. Cut to the backyard, where the delivery boy is down to his boxers being pulled into the jacuzzi. He says he needs to get back to work. All this sex and nudity, we must be nearing November sweeps. They beg him to stay. "What about the pizza?" he asks. "You taste so much better than pepperoni," one of the girls says. She grins seductively... and the next thing you know, the poor delivery boy winces in pain. He looks down in confusion as blood bubbles in the water.
 A pair of pastel-colored shoes and perfect legs are seen next, coming to rest on the shocked face of sorority president Buffy Sanders. Yes, you read the name right... good thing she’s not Eric Summers’ sister or something, or Joss’s lawyers would be on the phone. "What are you doing?" Buffy says. "Uh..." says one of the girls... "How many times you I have to tell you! Don’t eat in the jacuzzi!" No, this is definitely not a vampire slayer.... sounds like this Buffy’s one of the big bads. She demands they clean up the jacuzzi, because the pledges are soon to be there.
 Buffy meets the new pledges, and speaks the merits of their "great" sorority. Among the girls pledging is a familiar face... Lana.

From Buffy to "Spike"...

 Professor Fine is giving a lecture. Lex slips into the back of the auditorium, and Clark sees him. At that time, Fine decides to call on Clark. "Would you like to tell us how this paradigm of moral bankruptcy extends to the modern leadership of companies like Luthorcorp?" Fine challenges. But it’s all right, because he’s saved by the bell.
 Lex goes up to Fine and they talk. "Hope you’ve been taking notes," Fine says. "Just the highlights. You’ve been painting me as the poster child for corporate villainy," Lex says, and suggests that it’s libel. "It’s only libel if it isn’t true," Fine tells him.
 Fine tells Lex that he’s a "fascinating subject," which suggests the tables have now been turned and Lex is the one being studied into, much like Lex studied Clark for so many years. "Your lectures have included speculation on certain LuthorCorp projects that aren’t public knowledge," Lex says. "I never speculate, Mr. Luthor. The study of history is based on meticulous research," Fine tells him.
 Lex asks Fine if one of his research sources happens to be Clark Kent, and tells him that he heard he’s been brought on as Fine’s "assistant." "Now, why would a man of your stature be so concerned with the comings and goings of a freshman farm boy?"
 Lex warns Prof. Fine that he is a major donor to the school, so he may not have another semester beyond this one.

Chloe’s Meeting

 Chloe meets editor Pauline Kahn at the Daily Planet. Kahn sounds pretty tough and demanding, and gets what she wants, almost like a female Perry White. Chloe’s meeting Kahn about an internship at the Daily Planet... and she’s told she’s not going to get it. She tells Chloe that she knows all about how she wrote for the Planet a few years back, and how it was quite an accomplishment. Then she says "thank Lionel Luthor. He’s the one that arm-twisted the old Chief Editor into dropping your juvenile pablum into this paper." Chloe tries to convince her to change her mind, and says that writing for the Daily Planet has always been her dream. "We all have to wake up sometime, Sullivan," she says.
 Chloe says that "you had to start somewhere. I’m not going to give up until I get the same chance."
 "I started by being a damn good reporter. You want a break? Bring me a story," Kahn challenges. Chloe has a renewed hope...

Sorority Girls

 Lana is trying to join the Tri-Psi sorority, apparently. Sadly, Lex in drag is nowhere to be seen. She seems to be one of the top four final pledges. Buffy (the president) tells three of the other girls that they weren’t good enough to join, leaving Lana as the sole remaining pledge. "Of course we want you to be one of us," Buffy says, before telling Lana that there is a "little initiation thing" they have to do first...
 The three girls from the teaser are back. The front door slams shut, and the three girls head toward Lana, fangs exposed. Lana turns around to see that Buffy, too, is a vampire. "What the hell are you?" Lana asks. She gets grabbed by the arms. "We are Tri-Psi’s. The best darn sorority ever," she is told. "You get to be one of us..." End of Act One. By the way, any rumors of "lesbian vampires" that were floating around the internet before... these girls seem to be straight so far, if it matters.
 At another point in the scene, probably after Lana has been "initiated," Lana makes the comment "This is a lot better than listening to my boyfriend whine about his feelings!"
 "We eat boyfriends for breakfast," Buffy tells her.

Chloe’s New Roommate

 We meet Chloe’s new annoying dorm-mate named Karen. Karen has already chosen to redecorate by taking down Chloe’s new Wall of Weird. "I didn’t spend four years of high school misery dreaming about coming to high school for this," Karen says. She also tells Chloe to tell her friend that their dorm room is not the Betty Ford clinic. Cue not Lois, but Lana sprawled out on the floor under blankets looking like a passed-out drunk. Karen shoves the Wall of Weird articles toward Chloe and storms out. "I’d rather be roomies with the two-headed monkey," Chloe says, before waking Lana up.

Lana Goes After Clark

 Lana kisses Clark, but her kisses start to become "animalistic." "Lana, what’s going on with you?" Clark asks. "We’re not in high school anymore. Things change."

Pool Table Fun With Lex & Prof. Fine

 Professor Fine is next seen at Luthor Mansion, playing pool and meeting with Lex. Fine gives Lex a manila folder with all of the dirt on himself that Lex would possibly want. "My life. Every record, every achievement, every failure," Fine offers. It’s all out on the table, but... will Lex buy it?

 In the folder is a LuthorCorp memo labeled "Top Secret." Lex comes across it. "How did you get this?" "Just used my brain. Interesting document," Fine says. Fine has discovered that Lex has funded some interesting unauthorized "experiments" across campus. "Never start a game you can’t win," Fine challenges, and then he leaves. Lex has him followed.

Anvil Of The Week

 Clark is putting on... possibly a costume? Chloe asks "Don’t you think the cape is a little much?" Clark of course likes the cape. Whatever he’s wearing - sounds like a Halloween costume - it has a mask, so, it’s definitely not a Superman costume. They get to a party, where Lana is grinding with a "Frat Cowboy." Chloe tells the "cowboy" to go play with his six-shooter, because she and "the kitty cat" need to talk. (Maybe Lana’s costume is some kind of cat thing?)

Chloe Attacked

 Chloe is attacked by someone from the sorority who has her blood on their lips. Clark finds her, and takes her to the hospital. A doctor tells Clark that she’s been infected with some kind of rabies-like virus, probably from whatever it was that bit her. Prof. Fine ends up at the hospital too, to check up on things, and asks Clark if she’s all right. Sadly, those bits are hard for us to figure out here... though Clark isn’t quite sure what Fine is doing there anyway.

Lex and the Anti-Rabies Serum

 Lex injects an anti-rabies serum into Chloe to save her at the hospital. His own face is bruised during this scene. Her eyes flutter open, and she at first thinks Clark her hero has come to save her again. "Something happened to Lana, and I have to warn Clark. Where is he?" she asks him.

Krypton-bite

 Lana bites into Clark with a kryptonite-infected bite. She leans over him, her eyes filled with concern. It seems the other girls want him dead. "Isn’t there something else we can do with him?" Lana asks, including the idea of making Clark a vampire himself. "We’re a sorority. No boys allowed," Buffy tells her. "You don’t understand. He’s... special," Lana says. Apparently not so special to Buffy, who heads upstairs to tell the other girls they have a new meal.

 Lana of course won’t stand for this and confronts Buffy. Buffy herself vamps out, pretty pissed. Buffy leaps towards Lana, who begins firing heat vision into Buffy, incinerating her in mid-air. Apparently the bite gave Lana some of Clark’s powers.

Fine And The Spaceship

 In one of the last scenes of the episode, Fine has made his way into the LuthorCorp hangar and is face to face with the black Kryptonian spaceship. He smiles like a man returning home. He reaches out to touch the ship, but is interrupted by a clicking noise. Lex’s henchman, Ramirez, is behind him and has a gun pointed to his head. "Shouldn’t be putting your hands on things that aren’t yours, professor," Ramirez tells him.

 "Actually, it is mine," Fine tells him. His hands morph into black metal spikes which pierce Ramirez’s skull. Fine turns back to the ship and touches it. As his hand touches the ship, it too morphs into black metal. His entire body follows as he is absorbed back into the hull of the ship.....