The show kicks off with a performance by Tenacious D, complete with a dancing demonic heavy metal robot whose costume looks like it was made of cardboard. The performance pretty much sucks.

The opening credits now begins, which means that I’ll actually have to wait to find out who wins the Game of the Year award this time. I know I could’ve read the spoilers but I want to feel somewhat surprised. Samuel Jackson is the host, so you know what that means: Take a shot every time he says the F word and any variation of it. Stewie Griffin is also doing voice overs.

We get a skit backstage of Jackson burning money when some giant pink thing with big googly eyes and a magic wand comes in to tell him that a gate to hell has been opened. "Pinky" as I will call him says that demons have come out killing Jackson’s dudes and declares that all their base are belong to them. This show is already on the way to destruction. "Motherfucker!" shouts Jackson (drink!), as we switch to an FPS view of Jackson. He grabs his best hat that raises his "Badass Meter" and heads out. He meets soldiers from Ghost Recon who look like they’ve been fighting the demons, but it turns out there were in line for a PS3. Zing! He then meets a magician with an orange on his head for offers him a paintbrush as a weapon. Jackson would rather have a gun, but the magician continues to rant on until we get to the part where he starts humping a wolf. Are they trying to imply that Okami was a joke of a game or something? Then again, they probably aren’t the only ones, as Capcom seems to have thought so as well. R.I.P. Clover Studios.

Jackson’s Badass Meter drops as he wonders what was up with that "motherfucker" (drink!). He goes into the Gears of War room and grabs the chainsaw gun. Out of a restroom some deep voiced guy pops up who says he was the one who opened the gate because apparently, there are no restrooms in Elder Scrolls, so have to use a gate of hell as a...I’m just going to stop right there. So Jackson now has to kill the guitar heroes of oblivion, so we cut to the main stage with lots of people playing "Kansas" on Guitar Hero. Jackson starts shooting them down and once they’re gone the show begins. But wait, Jackson says "motherfucker" again (drink!) and lobs a grenade at the last remaining guitar hero. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but they’re supposed to be guitar HEROES, why are they being shot down as villains?

NOW the show is actually beginning. Jackson talks about 2006 a bit, then makes a bunch of jokes including PS4 with a vagina and having K-Fed on Madden ’08. He then calls for an end to unfair video game stereotypes. A "hardcore gamer" speaks out, who despite wearing glasses (okay seriously, what the FUCK does wearing glasses have anything to do with being a nerd?) and playing Final Fantasy, he does indeed get layed. A "senator" from a midwestern state speaks out who says he only bitches about video games to avoid real issues and to scare soccer moms. Jackson says "right on motherfucker" (drink!) . "Pinky" and "Generic Demon" talk about how dressing up in terrible costumes is not creepy, so they become Jackson’s trophy girls (don’t ask).

Out comes 50-Cent wearing a big cross around his neck (better then bullets I suppose) for our first award, "Best Performance by a Human Female". And the winner is...Vida Guerra in Scarface. The trophy presented is a monkey with a crown holding a joystick. I would make fun of it of how it barely relates to games, but then again, the Academy Awards has a guy holding a sword which has barely anything to do with movies. What’s up with that?

Jackson promotes Snakes on a Plane a bit before we go to Rachel Cook and Seth Green. These two know how much video game movies suck, so on behalf of Hollywood they apologize for the following: Street Fighter, Alone in the Dark, Mortal Kombat (even though that was actually considered good), Super Mario Bros., House of the Dead, and MK2. Instead of going on, they go to "Best Game Based on a Movie or TV Show". And the winner is...Lego Stars II: The Original Trilogy. Daniel Dae Kim from Lost then introduces us into the World Premiere trailer for Bioshock. That game looks creepy.

Maria Menounos comes out to talk about the unsung heroes of the industry: the motion capture actors. It quickly becomes one of those really lame skits as some guy is acting as a "bitch" for Saint’s Row. Thankfully it was only about a minute.

Seth MacFarlene and Tila Tequila are out to present the Best Wireless Game. Seth is dumbfounded that you can play games on cell phones, so he pulls out his huge ass 80’s version. Despite the gerth, Tila is not impressed. A woman who isn’t impressed by gerth? How unrealistic is this show going to get? And the winner is...Swat Force.

Jackson is now talking about video game violence, but not in games, but against games by "crazy-ass girlfriends". Jackson then reads an e-mail about a guy whose Xbox 360 was destroyed by his girlfriend for reasons unknown. Since Jackson was a scientist in that shark movie, the guy thinks Jackson would know the solution. Unfortunately it’s not "the girlfriend should deserve to die and burn in hell", but rather Jackson goes on to explain about how male’s have an awesome lobe and females have a "boredom oblongata" and other sexist crap. In case you couldn’t tell that this show was meant for guys, this was it. Anyways, the skit keeps going that portrays the female as an annoying bitch that keeps interrupting and eventually destroys the console. And somewhere out there Jackson has turned some innocent woman into a feminazi.

For the award of Best Acting in a Video Game, Tony Hawk and Boche are out to talk about acting in video games. Hawk, a graduate of the "Famicom School of Video Game Acting", re-enacts parts of Zero Wing. He tries the All Your Base line but completely screws it up. Two "All Your Base" jokes in one show? I get the whole "let’s do a joke about bad acting in games", but if the only game you can think of is the same thing you already thought of 40 minutes before, you pretty much prove that you truly know nothing about video games. And the winner is...James Gandolfini in Sorpranos: Road to Respect

Yellowcard comes out to present the award for Studio of the Year, but first the lead singer says he’s starting is own studio. His first game will be something called "Minesweeper", and this officially becomes the worst joke of the night. And the winner is...Epic Games.

Dana White and Joe Rogan of UFC come out to introduce us into the Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2 trailer. It’s basically one long cinema scene rather then showing anything on gameplay.

The Reno Sheriff’s Department from Reno 911 to talk about the awards given out earlier, but first they talk about why cops have anything to do with the game industry besides the fact that many games have you shooting at them. They come out to promote a game called "I CAN drive 55", where you do things like obey the speed limit and pressing the "call the police" button. The sheriffs start playing it on a cell phone only to think it really sucks and starts killing the cops in the game. This skit was actually kind of funny. Now for the awards that were given out earlier:

Favorite Classic Game: Pac-Man
Critic’s Choice: Zelda: Twlight Princess
Best Fighting Game: Mortal Kombat Armageddon
Best Shooter Game: Gears of War
Best Graphics: Gears of War
Best Handheld Game: New Super Mario Bros.
Best RPG: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Best PC Game: Company of Heroes
Best Multiplayer Game: Gears of War

Jackson talks about how online gaming is now forming relationships between people, and Jackson talks about meeting a special lady online and she’s here tonight. "Nymphorella34", however, turns out to be a fat guy in a tanktop to which Jackson responds: "Who the fuck are you?" (drink!). He yells at the guy to get the fuck off the stage (drink!) and get the fuck away from him (drink!). Jackson wants that footage edited, but the video is already on YouTube. The YouTube joke saved this skit.

Eva Mendes is out to present the award for Best Cast. She talks about all-star casts in video games for 2006, and was attempting some kind of joke with Mortal Kombat Armageddon featuring celebrity heads pasted over the fighters, but it falls flat. And the winner is...Family Guy.

Michael Irvin and Xzibit (who is also wearing a shiny cross like 50-Cent. Are all rappers suddenly Catholic or something?) come out for Best Individual Sports Game, but first they talk about the Wii. Irvin pulls out the controller to demostrate using the controller. He swings at Wii Golf (with one hand?) and "breaks" a camera. It would’ve been so much funnier if he had instead knocked Xzibit on his ass. And the winner is...Tony Hawk: Project 8.

Jackson then plugs his new show "Afro Samurai" based on the popular manga. Looks pretty good. After the break we get a performance from AFI. The fact that they don’t have some cardboard demon robot makes it a good performance.

Kurt Angle and Geoff Keighley come out to introduce to a bunch of short trailers, including the new TNA video game. If Geoff doesn’t pick the TNA video game as the best one, Angle will kick his ass. But then again, with the IWC reports of Angle going to be crippled any second now, Geoff has a good chance of kicking his ass. Here are the trailers that play:

TNA iMPACT!: Basically shows AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, and the iMPACT Zone. Looks good.

John Woo Presents Stranglehold: Feels very similar to Max Payne. Metal Gear Solid 4: Shows Snake in some hooded getup and that little robot Otacon controls shocking a soldier’s nuts. Awesome. Army of Two: Shows lots of clips of the two working together...when they’re not yelling at each other. When is this game coming out, because I almost want one.

The Reno Sheriffs Department is back to talk about not taking fake guns outside, because cops aren’t exactly too bright in telling the difference. Jim pulls out a yellow litegun and Trudy freaks out and threatens to shoot him. This was funny because it’s sadly true. Just ask the Strickland family. Anyways, here are the other winners of the night:

Cyber Vixen of the Year: Alex Vance in Half-Life 2: Episode 1
Best Original Score: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Best Military Game: Company of Heroes
Best Driving Game: Burnout Revenge
Best Performance by a Human Male: Patrick Stewart in Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Best Supporting Female Performance: Rachael Leigh Cook in Kingdom Hearts II
Best Soundtrack: Guitar Hero II
Breakthrough Technology: Wii
Best Action Game: Dead Rising

Jackson talks about how with 2006 brought us new consoles, what do we now do with our old ones? His suggestions are send them to a 3rd world country that don’t have games (although that not might actually work; just ask Carlos Mencia), or turn them into sexy swimwear. Well for women at least, as Nymphorella34 comes out and Jackson tells him to F off twice (two drinks!).

Tyrese and Method Man come out for the Best Song award and talk about video game music. Tyrese does a "doot-doot-do" beat of Super Mario Bros. that was kind of cool. And the winner is..."Lights and Sound" by Yellowcard from Burnout Revenge (Or according to Method Man, "Deez Nuts").

Hayden Panettiere comes out for the Most Addictive Game award. She talks about how video games become so addictive that if you just ask any high school/college kid what their favorite book is, they’ll leave you with a confused face. That’s because kids in high school/college are too busy trying to get laid then to sit down and read some boring-ass book for some stupid literature class that points out how what you thought the plot was about was 100% wrong. That or they’re too busy watching Heroes, which also led to confused faces on why the "Save the Cheerleader" episode turned out to be a huge disappointment. And the winner is...Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.

Sarah Silverman comes out and calls this the "4th Annual Nerd Awards". She explains to the crowd that she is a real live woman, and then gives advice for the serious gamers over 15 out there: kill yourselves. Wow. So first they insult our intelligence and then just insult us period? I think I’ve just lost whatever benefits of doubt I’ve had for this show. I’m not even going to bother about the other crap she says.

Jackson and Stewie exchange verbal insults, which include two F-bombs from Jackson (another double drink!). Masi Oka comes out for Best Team Sports Game award, but first has an "important" announcement. The following team games will not be recognized...you know what? I still feel so insulted I’m not going to recap what he said. He basically makes up games and mentions the WNBA. The winner is NBA 2K7.

Brandon Routh is out to talk about how he’s loved Warcraft from the very beginning which leads to the trailer for the new World of Warcraft expansion pack: Burning Crusade (complete with orchestra monks on stage). You get to visit the realm of some evil sounding guy that was banished for...being evil I guess. It’s basically long cinematic sequence so I have no idea what it’s really about. Oh if only I wasn’t such a nerdy over 15 gamer that doesn’t read boring books by Ernest Hemingway.

And now it’s time for the game of the year award. Jackson does some lame joke about how the games are so great or whatever. Here were the nominees for this award: Elder Scrolls IV, Gears of War, Okami, Guitar Hero II, Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Advance Warfighter. And the winner is...Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Elder Scrolls over Gears of War? Is the series really that popular? Wow.

Jackson says that they’ve once again shown the world that gamernation is the place to be...after you let Sarah Silverman insult us like that? He leaves all the haters with this message: "I’m in your motherfucking base killing your motherfucking dudes!" (another two drinks!).

Additional rants about this show

1. Who exactly was the target demographic for this show? Let’s try breaking it down by who it definitely wasn’t meant for:

* Women: I’m pretty sure after that whole girlfriend destroying console skit pretty much meant that they did not care for female gamers.

* Males over the age of 15: Seriously, when you have some comedian I’ve barely heard of insult us by advising us to "kill yourselves" and some cheerleader NBC constantly told us to save (with little payoff by the way) doesn’t exactly make me want to watch this show. * Males under the age of 10: Samuel "F-Bomb" Jackson is hosting. I think that means that this isn’t meant for kids.

* Serious Gamers: Two "all your base" jokes? So many celebrities that have little to do with video games? The Sarah Silverman insults? I think they made it quite clear this show wasn’t for serious gamers. * So in conclusion, I would have to say that this show was meant for non-serious gamers ages 10 to 14, because they are the only ones that can probably stand this crap.

2. A lot of the jokes on this show pretty much fell flat or weren’t executed as good as should have. The worst joke of the night (besides this show of course) was the Yellowcard "Minesweeper" gag. It would’ve been a lot funnier if he had not said "Minesweeper" but rather make up some other name. Or if somebody actually told him about Minesweeper and he gets all depressed or something. Terrible.

3. On the positive side of things, The Reno 911 parts were funny and we got to see some new game trailers.

Overall, this show was TERRIBLE. I did expect that to happen though, but just how terrible it came about is what astonishes me. I probably would’ve enjoyed it more if I was old enough to drink alcohol (btw, the total was 13 drinks for anyone playing). But really, the part that really got to be was the Sarah Silverman "comedy". I thought this whole show was meant to embrace ourselves as gamers, only for some bitch to come out and say "kill yourselves?" I’m surprised they didn’t just have Jack Thompson, Hillary Clinton, and Joseph Lieberman come out to lecture us about why video games are evil. It couldn’t be much worse then what they already gave us. Fuck you Sarah Silverman and fuck you Spike TV.